The Carnation Review Shop

When Spring Ends by @YeetleBeetle

Reviewer :  LunaLevesque_Goddess

Book : When Spring Ends by YeetleBeetle

Disclaimer : I am only one person. I may not have professional opinions or enjoy the genre of your book as much as I should, which may affect my judging. So, you should consider the reviews of other judges too.

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Title : 3/5

The title is interesting and highly creative, but in my opinion, it doesn't necessarily hook the readers immediately. Also, it lacks connection to the blurb of the story.

Cover : 5/5

I'll have to applaud you for this. The cover is neat, eye-catching, and aesthetically-pleasing. You used attractive fonts, yet they are still visible in the graphics. Well done!

Blurb : 4/5

Your blurb was quite intriguing. You introduced the main character, the general plot, and the conflict, and left a little cliffhanger at the end, which is good. But for some reason, I have a feeling that you can still improve your blurb in your own way.

First chapter + hook : 6/10

The first sentence of your book hooked me immediately, which is obviously a great thing.

However, a downside in the beginning of your first chapter is that you began with a super long description of your main character and the background and setting. Of course, it's often a good thing to start your story with descriptions.

But here's the thing. I read in an article that you can only use extensive descriptions to begin your story if your book's setting is a fantasy-based place that will interest your readers, or if the setting of your book is unusual, like in the 80s or set in a futuristic city.

Otherwise, you probably shouldn't begin your book with too much description info-dumping. Your readers might find it slightly boring and skip to the part where things actually happen.

Grammar + spelling: 20/20

Wow. I'm really impressed. You nearly didn't have any grammar or spelling errors! You were fully consistent with the use of your tenses, you didn't omit any spelling mistakes that I'm aware of, and your punctuations and grammar were excellent. Not to mentioned that you used countless sophisticated words that I didn't even bother using in my book!

Congratulations, your grammar and spelling is one of the most admirable aspects in your story. It's obvious that you had experience in speaking English. Well done!!

Plot development : 12/15

You have a very intriguing plot, but your story kind of advances too slowly in my opinion. Maybe you can speed things up my lessening your descriptions or maybe adding unique things in them.

Story originality : 11/15

Although your story idea is highly creative, I think I've seen one or two books that has quite a similar plot to your book. I can't recall their titles, though, it has been a long time since I visited a bookstore.

Of course, the plot wasn't exactly the same. The idea of Shion trying to avoid the main characters because she didn't want to have any role to play in the "game" was totally original. And her problems were also quite different than the other similar books that I read. Overall, I think that you're doing a great job in creating your story.

Personal enjoyment : 10/15

Don't get me wrong, your story is amazing. However, I really prefer books with fantasy, action, or humor elements. So maybe you need to consult with other reviewers who might give you a better score because the really love books that are similar to the one that you are writing.

Creativity in creating characters : 9/10

You did an awesome job in creating your characters, really!

First of all, I absolutely love your characters' names. I don't know whether I will ever be as imaginative as you in making names. I especially love the name Milana Kinlissan. Like, it's gorgeous!

In addition, you properly conveyed the main characters' personalities. Your characters have strengths and flaws, which make them realistic and relatable.

Total score : 80/100

Correct the things that I listed down, and I'll be willing to continue reading your book. But overall, you got talent!