Girl Meets Evil

Chapter Seventeen

I marched angrily across the hall and into Hoseok's apartment, ignoring the couch completely as I made my way into his room. I crawled to the middle of the bed and plopped down face first. This was my third favorite place in the world. Second was being near him. First was being held by him. God, I screamed into the blankets and kicked my feet like a child, why did I have to like him so much?

Seokjin's words scared me, I felt like a hunted and caged animal already knowing the wolf wasn't going to let me go. I fooled myself into believing that Hoseok could keep me safe. Now the only thing I have done is brought more danger upon them. Seokjin was so wrong, so fundamentally askew that I couldn't even fathom staying in a room with him. 

The old bear, I refused to think of him as a blood relation, was coming after me, not Seokjin. Seokjin was mated and couldn't be that valuable to him. I was not ... yet. I put the hybrids in danger because of the wolf but also now a bear. 

I frowned and felt tears building behind my eyes and I wrapped the blanket around me, tucking my face into the pillow that smelled the most like Hoseok. How could I forget I had a mate somewhere? I didn't want a mate, I wanted Hoseok. 

I pushed further into the pillow, nearly cutting off my oxygen as anger overwhelmed me. I wasn't even sure what I was angry at, except that he flaunted that sunshine happiness around me, knowing full well that he wasn't mine to keep. He should have just left me alone, allowed me to die. That is what it felt like, my body would continue but everything else that was me would die.

There was someone out there, someone that I belonged to, who would come one day and think he was all right but he would feel all wrong. I hated him already. I screamed again, a weird determined sort of fury mixing with the isolation. I wanted that stupid panther so much that my body didn't know how to handle these feelings. And yet I hated him as well. Hated that he was so perfect, so attentive and kind. I hated that he would belong to someone else one day. I wanted to kill her too.

I jumped when a boom of thunder rang from the sky. I turned toward the window and frowned, it wasn't supposed to rain today. Nonetheless a giant slate grey sheet of rain clouds pushed against the white fluffy ones to dominate the sky. Flashing with lightening and illuminating the odd darkness. I shivered as water began to beat mercilessly against the glass pane. I watched it silently for a while, trying to coax the feelings from my heart.

I didn't even understand what I was feeling. I wanted to challenge Hoseok, scream at him and push him as hard as I could. To what end, I have no idea. He should not have led me on ... but it wasn't his fault I fell so quickly for him. I've never loved anyone like I loved him, it was hard to realize it was all for nothing. And one sided, if he wanted me he would have told me already. It made the ache that pushed through my chest cascade into rivulets of pain throughout my body. I wanted him to declare himself, push me away forever so I could stop feeling like this.

I sunk further into the mattress, hating that it brought me such comfort. I would have been fine if he just left me alone. I didn't know I was missing so much and now that I knew it existed I couldn't go back. And that was his fault too. Stupid protective, wonderful, effervescent hybrid.

I pushed against the feelings hard, trying to bring reason into the argument. But it didn't matter, I couldn't stay here. I refused to keep being a burden like this. I wouldn't leave right now because I promised Hoseok that I would stay. As much as I hated him, I couldn't break his trust, it was the only thing anyone has ever given me. I sniffled and wiped the tears away, feeling lower than I had ever before in my life.

I loved him.

And it hurt - so much.

I cried a little into the blankets, unable to control my stampeding emotions. My heart was trying to let go because that was the only way I would survive. It hurt worse than growing up alone and realizing that my mother chose drugs over me and my brother chose his career over me. It felt more horrible than hearing my mother died, knowing that my family left me without a care in the world. I'd never felt a pain this strong before because I've never loved like this before. I hated him for it.