Your Addictive Heart || l.s

With a Heavy Heart

TW: Anxiety/ Panic Attack explicit content

Lottie talked Louis' ear off about it being cast list day the entire morning. He was stuck driving her to school now that she ended things with her boyfriend. He didn't mind for now, since she had to meet with her director and he had practice, but Louis knew dragging her along in the morning would get old real quick for her.

He parked the car and Lottie hadn't even noticed as she went over the list again. "I'm worried the tin man might be a bit of a drag." She thought aloud and Louis wasn't sure if she wanted his input.

"I'm sure it's fine." He rushed her to get moving. "As long as you didn't give Wednesday Addams the lead." He scolded his sister.

Lottie's eyes widened at the paper in front of her, as if she was holding back.

"You didn't. You gave Diana the part after I told you what she said?" Louis was a little offended his sister didn't have his back.

"Well, you know, you seemingly left out everything you said to her and, to be honest, she wasn't far off, Louis. Anna told me what went on that night. You sounded like a proper dick." Lottie was unnecessarily harsh in his opinion.

Louis had never witnessed his sister's brutal tongue directed at him this way and he had to admit it hurt. "Oh please, Anna could hardly walk right. Why would she say that?"

"Because she's friends with Diana and I'm friends with her and that's that. She's got the part. You know she deserves it, Lou." She crossed her arms.

"Does she? She's a bit of a plain Jane. Can't see why the lot of you are falling all over her." He mumbled to himself.

Lottie slapped him on the arm a few times. "Well, if it makes you feel better, that's the least of your problems. Apparently, her brother's got the week off from school and he's going to be in town this week." She collected her things and got out of the car.

Louis gave her a confused look as he followed her towards the school. Was he supposed to know what she was talking about? "So, who's her brother?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Not Diana! Anna!" She slapped his arm again.

Louis stopped in his tracks. "T's going to be here this weekend?"

Lottie gave him an unsympathetic smile. "He's gonna be here all week." She dragged him by the arm to get him to keep walking. "She invited him to watch your practice after school with them."

"Jesus, why would she do that?" Louis suddenly felt very warm.

"Hmm, maybe because she doesn't know that you cheated on her good friend with her older brother?" She wasn't gentle about it. "It's kind of hard to use discretion when you're out of the loop."

"You know it wasn't like that." He wasn't sure why his sister was being so cruel. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I just found out yesterday! I don't know if you know this Louis but I've been kind of going through it myself. When would you have liked me to tell you? Last night while you and Harry were snuggling on the couch? What did you want me to say? 'Hey, Louis don't get too comfortable because-'"

"Stop." Louis found it hard to breathe. His sister's words. The thought of Harry being around this guy. Seeing him at all. It was all too much.

Louis put his hand on his chest as it got heavier. His breathing was shallow. Everything felt heavier.

"What are you doing? Are you okay?" Lottie was unsure of how to react.

"I'm fine. I'll just catch up with you later." He didn't want his sister to see him going through this.

"Lou, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" He could see the remorse in her eyes.

"I'm fine! Just go!" He ordered her and she took off. He felt his face getting tight and he couldn't get a full breath in. Why was this happening?

He started walking towards the locker room hoping the terrible feeling would go away. When he got inside he immediately planted himself on one of the benches and tried his best to catch his breath.

It wasn't working. Nothing was working. Everything was falling apart in front of him.

"Woah, hey." Zayn threw his stuff down and ran over to Louis. "Are you okay, Lou?"

"Something's wrong." Louis didn't know how to explain it to his friend and his breathing got even quicker as he tried to figure it out.

"You're hyperventilating." He told the boy calmly. "You just need to slow your breathing. Here, trying breathing with me." Zayn directed him.

Louis tried to follow Zayn's breathing pattern but he just couldn't get it. The need for air was too immediate. "It's okay if it takes a minute. Don't get frustrated. Everything is okay." Zayn's tone was so calming and firm.

Eventually, Louis found his breath becoming more manageable. With each slow breath Louis took, he felt safer.

After a few minutes, Zayn let out a relieved sigh. "You're good, mate." He got up off the ground where he had been kneeling in front of his friend.

He took a seat next to Louis. "I'm sorry. I don't even know what that was." He suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired.

"It was a panic attack. It happens." It sounded like he spoke from experience. He continued to change for practice as if this had all been normal.

"What, has that happened to you before?" Louis didn't understand his nonchalance.

"Yeah. It's pretty common. You just gotta take it easy for a little." Louis was grateful it was Zayn that found him. He was sure anyone else would have made it worse.

"Have you been feeling anxious lately?" Zayn helped him make sense of the strange occurrence.

"N-no. I don't think so. It just came out of nowhere. I-I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong with me." Louis couldn't wrap his head around it.

Zayn giggled. "There's nothing wrong with you, mate. Sounds like there are some things you might need to get off your chest." It was comforting to know it wasn't concerning to him.

Louis hadn't realized how much he had been holding in. He felt like the weight of everyone else's strife was sitting on his shoulders.

He felt powerless. He couldn't do anything about his sister's broken heart. He couldn't do anything to help Harry with his dad. He even felt sorry for Niall and now to make it all better, the ghost of parties past was coming to haunt him.

Things like that usually rolled right off Louis' back but everything felt different now. He didn't know what this feeling was but it was getting to him and he didn't know how to pretend it wasn't.

"Are you going to be okay to play?" He checked in with Louis.

"Yeah." Louis shrugged it off. He was a captain, he had to be a leader now. Everything else could wait.

***
For someone used to doing the breathtaking, it doesn't feel too good on this end.

The truth is begging to come out, among other things.

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Love you lots!!