Your Addictive Heart || l.s

I'll Be There For You

TW: Panic attack, talk of suicide

The drive home only made things worse for Louis. The tears in his eyes were relentless. He could hardly see the car in front of him. His chest wouldn't stop heaving and the more he thought about it the worse he felt. Why couldn't he get it together?

He only felt a shred of relief when he saw his house coming into view. He threw the car in park and immediately exited the vehicle. He slammed the driver's door and continued his efforts to stabilize his breathing.

He took in his surroundings only to see Niall, Olivia, Anna, and Diana in Niall's driveway. Shit. He couldn't have this breakdown in front of them. He couldn't handle it.

"Lou!" Anna spotted him from a few houses down.

He pretended not to hear it. He just needed to get inside quickly. He took fast pace strides up the driveway only to met by his sister on her way out.

He kept his face down. Maybe she'd ignore him like she'd been doing. He just had to hold his breath for a second.

"Hey, can you help the twins with their homework before supper? They won't listen to me."

Louis rubbed his eyes as if he was tired to remove any evidence that he had been crying. He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. "Ok." He huffed out.

She gave him a suspicious look before diverting her gaze over his shoulder. "What are they doing here?" She rolled her eyes.

Louis knew his friends were making their way towards them. "Fuck." He mumbled. How was he going to get through this? He still felt the weight of the world on his chest and a dark cloud over his head.

"The Tomlinson's are out. Looks like trouble." Anna greeted them.

Louis faced his friends with a small smile. "Hey guys,   How are you?"

They all looked at each other with confused faces. Fuck. He was freaking out so bad he didn't even remember how he normally greeted his friends.

"Fine..." Olivia answered for them.

"Hey, so Harry actually finished your dress, Diana," Lottie said. "I have it inside if you girls want to see."

Just the sound of his name brought tears to his eyes. He looked towards his neighbor's house and hoped nobody could see it.

They all agreed and followed her eagerly. "You're welcome to see it too if you want Niall." Lottie offered.

"I think I left the pizza rolls in the oven I better go check." Niall declined politely and Louis could assume it was because it was about as interesting as watching grass grow to them.

"Lou?" Anna called as she filed into the house.

"Yep. I'll be in in a few. I left uh, my phone in my car." He pretended to head back to his car so she'd leave him be.

She shut the door behind them and Niall still hadn't left. "What's got you down, Tomlinson?" Niall asked with a sigh. He looked uncomfortable in his attempt to console him.

Louis wanted to lie. He really wanted to, but as soon he heard the question something in him broke. "Fuck!" He turned around and kicked the tire of his car. He rested his arms against the driver's door and set his head down. He pretended Niall wasn't there laughing in his head and just focused on his breathing.

What was it Zayn told him to do? He couldn't remember a thing.

"Alright well, I will start taking guesses and you just let me know when I hit the nail on the head." He nudged his arm playfully. "Was it the meatloaf they served at lunch that smelled like Liam's gym shoes after a practice?" He crossed his arms and leaned against the car so he could talk more directly to him.

The comment almost put a smile on his face.

"Was it that song on the radio where the guy just mumbles for three minutes straight?" His questions were far too distracting for Louis to focus on anything else. "You know the one that goes..." Niall started making incoherent noises.

He couldn't help but crack up. "What are you doing?" Louis finally looked at him.

"Gotcha!" Niall celebrated.

"Why are you trying to help me?" Louis was skeptical.

"I owe ya one." Niall shrugged his shoulder.

Louis remembered the night he talked to Niall in his treehouse. He got it. This was just to return the favor. "Oh."

"You know you and I were good friends once upon a time," Niall reminded him.

"Yeah. I know." Louis spent most of his childhood at Niall's trying to escape his crazy family. He couldn't recall when they had started to drift apart.

"I know you think I hate you." Niall chewed on his thumb. "I mean I sort of do." He chuckled.

"I don't blame you." Louis felt like the dust had settled. The worst had passed.

"Do you remember when I was a sophomore and my car went into that ditch and I had to wear that stupid cast?" Niall chuckled dryly.

Louis giggled at the image of him in the cast and how helpless he was. "Oh god, you were a nightmare."

"Yeah but you helped me through it and I got better." Niall nodded.

"I specifically remember letting doors slam in your face so I could watch you try and pull them open." Louis laughed at the good times they had.

"Ass. Yeah well, I mean you were a good friend to me aside from finding amusement in my struggles. I couldn't have gotten through that time without you." He emphasized.

Louis didn't understand this trip down memory lane. Was he trying to empathize with his pain or remind him he wasn't a shitty friend once upon a time? "Niall, it was just a broken arm," Louis called him out on the dramatics.

"Well, it could have been worse." He stared at his shoes. "My accident...it wasn't an accident." He admitted.

"What do you mean?" Louis turned to him with furrowed eyebrows.

"It was a split-second decision. I changed my mind but by the time I did my car was headed for the ditch." Louis watched the blonde boy as his eyes watered.

"Niall." Louis hated him for doing such a thing.

"I wasn't myself. I know that now." He shook his head. "My parents had been arguing a lot. I felt like I had no one. That I just wasn't good enough. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but when you joined the team and became close with Zayn and Liam I just sort of felt like I couldn't keep up. Like maybe I wasn't wanted there. I told my mom after the accident what really happened and I've been dealing with it ever since." He looked at Louis for the first time since his confession.

Louis swallowed hard. "Why are you just now telling me?" He had a pit in his stomach.

"You were there for me when I was going through it. You didn't know it but you were. I don't know what you're going through but I've noticed things...I want you to know that if you are going through something like that or anything at all, I-I will help you." He held out a fist for him to bump.

Louis bumped it. "Thanks, mate."

"The girls are probably having more fun without us. You in the mood for some pizza rolls?" A smile spread over his face that could only come from the mention of food.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

***
We could all use a Niall. Some more than others.

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