Your Addictive Heart || l.s

Second Time Around

Harry wasn't going to be one of those pathetic boys that cried into his pillow because of a stupid guy. A stupid gorgeous guy. A stupid gorgeous charming guy.

He told himself over and over that he wasn't in deep. He didn't care if it all went wrong again because he was protecting his heart. His walls had been up.

So why was he soaking the pillowcase under his cheek? Why did he want to scream into the void and erase every memory of Louis Tomlinson from his brain?

It shouldn't hurt this much. How did he let this happen?

The worst part? He didn't even come looking for him. It'd been an hour since practice ended.

They were probably together right now. Harry's throat felt tight like it was closing up.

He was done. He decided right then and there that he would never let anyone make him feel like this again. He had never felt more humiliated. Which is saying a lot, considering what happened at his last school.

Harry sat up in his bed. He needed to pull himself together before his sister got home from class.

He took deep even breaths.

In.

Out.

He made his way to the kitchen when he realized how thirsty crying over a boy who never cared about you in the first place could make a person.

He heard a frantic thumping on the front door. Gemma must have forgotten her key. Again.

He swung the door open with almost too much ease. The minute his tired green eyes met his pleading blue ones he hurried to slam the door in his face.

Louis put a hand up to the door to stop that from happening. "Wait. Please. I'm so sorry." He looked almost as guilty as he did that night.

"I don't want to hear it, Louis." Harry held his ground despite his shaky voice.

"Baby, please." He looked so vulnerable to him. He hated that he didn't look like a monster to Harry.

"Don't," He choked out. "Don't you dare call me that." Harry hadn't realized how tightly he was gripping the door handle still. He was afraid he'd fall to his knees if he let go.

"I tried. I wanted to tell you." Louis took a step back. He expected full deniability.

Harry shook his head knowingly.  He looked up to the ceiling instead of the boy on his front porch, just hoping his tears wouldn't fall. "So it's true. You knew. How long have you been talking to him? How long has this been going on again? The whole time you were playing Prince Charming? Buying me flowers and writing me notes you were just-"

"No!" Louis cut him off before his mind could run wild. "No. I haven't seen or talked to him in weeks. Since it happened. Anna told Lottie and she told me and that's how I knew."

"I don't believe you. Why wouldn't you just tell me then? He made it pretty fucking clear that he was there for you. That he told you he was going to be there." Harry protested his obvious lie.

"He's lying," Louis practically mumbled.

"Why would he do that?" Harry crossed his arms. "What reason would he have?"

"I- I don't know! But-"

"Maybe, you should have rehearsed your story a little more on the way over then." He gave him a disdainful smile. "God, the least you could have done was tell me the truth. You just stood there! And let me kiss you. Who does that?"

"I'm telling you the truth now! I fucked up but I never made the same mistake twice. He doesn't fucking matter to me. Please, tell me you believe it." He stepped closer. "I should have told you what I knew and I certainly shouldn't have kissed you. I just didn't know how to say it."

Harry didn't say anything back. He studied Louis with a contemplative look. He bit the inside of this cheek as he thought it over. "It doesn't change anything." He shook his head. No. He promised he wouldn't fall for it again.

"Why not?" He took another step closer, almost at the threshold. Harry hated that he didn't hate the proximity.

"I should have never started back up with you, Louis." He finally lowered his gaze. How did Louis end up being the one with the upper hand? "I'm not what you want. I wasn't enough for you then...and I'm still not enough for you now." He let the tears pulling in his eyes hit his shoes

"You are," Louis whined. "I swear it had nothing to do with you. If you'd just let me explain...we never even talked about it."

"What are you going to say?" Harry whipped his head back up. His teary eyes met Louis' "What are you going to say about it that's going to make it hurt less than it does right now?"

Louis slumped his shoulders, defeated.

"I told you then and I still mean it, there's nothing you can say to make me forget what happened. So, the best you can do is just...spare me the details."

"But-" Louis tried.

"Please?" Harry begged.

"I don't want it to end like this..." Louis gripped the door frame like his life depended on it.

Harry didn't want it to end like this either. He didn't want it to end at all. But he knew in his heart. "Well, I don't want it to stay like this." Harry was sure this is what his death would feel like. Just as cold and heavy and excruciating.

Louis took two quick steps back, like he had been winded. He put his hands through his hair a few times and scanned his surroundings. He had looked so out of place.

There were a few times where he thought Louis would say something back. He finally turned on his heel and walked back to his car with quick strides.

He didn't look back at Harry once. He hated the way he just left him without a word. Somehow, this was worse than the first time.

This time around was so much worse because this time around he knew he was in love with Louis Tomlinson.

***
You can never say never.

Think I can go for three tearjerkers in a row? You're damn right.

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This chapter is dedicated to ragahdosama
Love you, sweet creature!! ❤️

Love you lots!!