First Love, Addicted To You

Reaching Rock Bottom.

Jaxon

I was sat at the funeral directors.

They were throwing all these prices at me, Asking what Ezra would have wanted.

All that was going through my head was 'how on earth am I going to pay for his funeral.'

I had gambled all our money.
Sofia quickly snapped me back to reality
"What casket do you like Jaxon?" She asked me handing me the brochure.

"Does all this have to be paid today?" I asked wearily.

The funeral director smiled at me.
"You have 5 day's sir, But it all has to be paid before the funeral."

Sofia smiled "That's great thank you."

It wasn't great. "Sofia I can't afford any of this.." I said to her quietly.

Sofia looked at the funeral director who had the 'If we don't get paid this doesn't happen' look on her face.

"I'm sorry about this are we okay to talk privately?" She asked.

The funeral director got up and left the room, Leaving us to talk about what were going to do.

"Jaxon what's wrong?" Sofia asked me, She looked worried.

I couldn't lie to her. "We are broke Sofia, There's nothing not a single penny in the bank and this need's to be paid in 5 days.."

Sofia of course understood. As always.
"I'll sort it, We are going to give him the best send off I promise."

"You are not being a prostitute again." I said sternly and grabbed her hand.

Sofia frowned. "I wasn't a prostitute. My moms already said if I need money she will help me, I've got you boo."

Just what I fucked needed. "Over my dead body will I ask you mom."

I got up. I wanted to punch a wall.

Sofia sighed. "What other option do you have Jaxon? None.. This is your only option end of conversation."

"I told you I'm not interested Sofia. I'm out." I ran out of there.

I felt as if the walls were closing in, It was hard to breath.

Was this what it felt like when you lost everything?

I promised Ezra I would make him proud.
I couldn't even give him a good send of, Or provide for my daughter and support Sofia like a real man should.

I text Freya from the car, Asking if my little girl was okay.
She replied and said she was fine.

So I headed to the shop and bought a cheap bottle of whiskey, That was all I could afford.

What had my life come to?

I could just about afford alcohol.
I paid for it and headed back home.

I grabbed my bottle and drank straight from it.
Sofia called my phone.. I didn't answer.

I kept drinking till the room stopped spinning. I blacked out.

I couldn't stop dreaming about Ezra, My beautiful baby brother who didn't deserve to die. It should have been me.

I should have got cancer.
I could just picture him sitting in the chair holding Ezmaya, He would be so proud of her shes a right little character now... I woke up to a smack in the face.

Sofia sounded angry. "Jaxon, Jaxon.. Wake up you've pissed yourself."

I was so embarrassed.

"It's not piss Sofia, It's whiskey." I said.

It was piss.

Sofia nodded slowly. "I have sorted the costs, Don't worry about anything.
Go shower and we can sort you out, I'm gonna go grab Ezmaya from Freya."

"Yeah okay sweetheart, I love you." I said as I got to my feet.

Sofia walked out the room "You too."

I jumped straight in the shower.

I was feeling a lot more sober.

I guessed I had better go and say thank you to the future mother in law.

The truth was, Without her money Ezra wouldnt have a funeral... And that wasn't an option.

Jessica lived about a 20 minute walk away and I was far too drunk to drive, I left a note for Sofia

Sweetheart,
I'm so sorry for the way I have been acting.
I'm going to change, I promise you.
I'm going out to find an AA meeting to attend,
I love you J xx

I put the note on the counter and began my walk, Smit text me

Smit; Colour theme?

What the fuck was he talking about..

Jaxon; I'm sorry what?

Smit; For Ezra's funeral, What colour are we going with?

Jaxon; Formal. black and white

I didn't have time for this.
I was in no mood for Smit, I was over the fucking moon when Sofia punched him right in the face, 'thats my girl' I thought to myself.

I stopped for 10 minutes at a lake.

I wanted to clear my head, I lit a smoke and watched the water.

So many memories flooded back, My night on the boat with Sofia, that was almost a year ago now.

It was almost Sofias 17th birthday.
With everything that had been happening I had almost forgot.

I had no idea what I was going to do for her this year, I couldn't even brush my own teeth these days.

I continued my walk, Do you ever feel like you're being followed?
Maybe I was suffering from paranoia because I was convinced it was happening.
I kept looking around, I was really on edge.

I got to Jessica's house.

I knew Smit wasnt there because he had text me about suits, So he must be trying to pick one.
That was good, I couldn't or wouldn't deal with him today.

I got to jessica's house.
I could see her in the kitchen window washing the dishes.

No doubt she was cleaning up after that asshole, He well and truly had his feet under the table at her house.

I went over and knocked the door and walked inside

"Hey Jessica, can we talk?" I called out.

Jessica came to the hall way "What do you want Jaxon?"

I hated this. "I want to thank you for the help"

Jessica laughed "You think I did it for you?"

She was looking at me, She knew I was drunk she had that judgy look on her face.

She was loving this, But this was for Ezra, I had to do it.

"I know you did it for her, but I'm still thankful" I shrugged.

Jessica raised an eyebrow "It comes at a cost Jaxon"

A cost? What did she want from me...

"Oh?" I said puzzled.

Jessica held her arms behind her back as she spoke. "After the funeral you will leave my daughter, You will never speak to her again and you will keep away from my granddaughter."

Was she having a fucking laugh? Somehow I didn't think so.

I turned and walked to the living room, She followed me.
I sat on the sofa and she stood infront of the window watching me.

Jessica spoke first "So do we have a deal?"

"We absolutely do not jessica." I said angrily.

"You don't have much of a choice here Jaxon." She was right...

I was done with this conversation.

"Goodbye Jessica." I got back up.

I turned around to walk out of the room..