First Love, Addicted To You

Life With A Baby

Sofia

Becoming a mom was hard, I hadn't expected it..
NowI understood why my mom couldn't cope with me.

Ezmaya was the best thing to ever happen to me, BUt she needed so much attention.

I had been home for 5 days.
She was 7 days old.. a week already!
Life way harder than ever.

We named her Ezmaya after her uncle Ezra.

She would never remember him and this hurt my heart more than you could possibly imagine.
But right now we just wanted to get as many mermories and photos as we could, 

Ezra was smitten with her, He would just cuddle her and watch her sleep for the longest time.

I'm glad she came early.. She knew her uncle Ezra needed all the time he could get with her.

My mom was amazing with her.

Sometimes Ezmaya would cry and cry and I couldnt settle her, But as soon as my mom starting rocking her and singing 'Little Do You Know' she would soon fall asleep.

I was frustrated that Jaxon was still dragging his heels.

We were a family now, We had a daughter.
But he was still living his sweet bachelor life and I was the one waking up 7 times a night and washing bottles and clothes, Changing nappies and dealing with tantrums.

I didn't care, Ezmaya worshipped her mommy, At this point she probably couldn't tell her daddy apart from the plumber.

She was my baby and I adored her, I sometimes felt jealous that my mom could cope with her better than I could but I was doing my best to be the parent she deserved.

That morning Ezmaya was in an amazing mood.

She had been awake most of the day for the first time since she was born.

Her eyes were just like Jaxon's, Bright blue and beautiful.

She had my nose.. Poor child, My mom said it was cute.

I decided to text Jaxon.

Sofia; Ezmaya is missing you, I'm missing you, is Ezra okay? We both want to see you two x

Jaxon; I'm at work, I miss you sweetheart, and my little princess.

He always avoided my questions.
I tried again.

Sofia; Is Ezra okay? x

Jaxon; He has chemo later. Will pop by after.

Sofia; Okay. We love you x

Jaxon; You both too sweetheart.

He seemed off.

We had both had a shock when we found our about Ezra's condition.
I didn't know Ezra well; but Jaxon had raised him.. Ezra didn't deserve this.

If I could take his cancer and put it in me I would have.
Ezmaya would have been better off with her uncle anyway.
He was good and honest.

I didn't have time to dwell, It was 4pm and Ezmaya was due her bottle.

Before I even had a chance to get up my mom walked into the living room and said "I'll do it baby" she was so helpful.

Sometimes it felt like I wasn't getting the chance to be a proper mom.

She had done so much for me and Ezmaya that I didn't know how to tell her to just... back off I guess.

I text Jaxon abo it Ezra's chemo.