"I am truly sorry." I whisper as soon as I get inside the office. Michael looks at me with small smile, shrugging his shoulders. I have not seen him ever since the incident. He has bags under his eyes. His hair is messy, his skin is sickly pale.
"It's okay, Cassie." Michael forces another smile on his lips. "You did not mean to." He adds with distant voice. As if he is trying to convince himself and not me. But I meant it. The second, I started seeing his fear and the power it gave me, I wanted more. Something inside of me demanding to get as much as possible, to feast on their feelings.
"Really?" I chuckle, shaking my head. Michael looks up, confusion vivid in his eyes. "I..." I gulp, not knowing what exactly, I am supposed to tell him. That I wanted to feed off of him? That I wanted to see as much as possible and if he had not stopped me, I would turn into a monster?
"Cassie." He starts approaching me, stopping just a mere inches away from me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and smiles. Yet, his smile is not the same, instead sadness is engraved on his lips, tracing on his face. "It was not your fault." He whispers again. "No matter what you want to say, or what you felt...It was not you...It was the Fear inside of you, it wanted to feed off of me, not you." He whispers the words out. His tone stern, believing whatever he is saying.
"No." I shake my head once again. I feel like, if I want to get help, I have to be honest. Not with just anybody, but I have to be honest with him. I owe him that much. "You don't understand, Michael." I shake his hands away from me, uncomfortable feeling filling me up at his touch. The feeling that lingers to me ever since seeing Chloe's fear.
I take a step back from him, trying to create distance between us. The hurt expression on his face, startles me. Yet, I cannot talk to him about that. I cannot tell him what I saw in Chloe's fear, I cannot tell him that ever since seeing their fears, I need some kind of therapy to even try to forget them. I cannot tell him that ever since that, I can't sleep without seeing nightmares.
"You won't understand." I smile at him. "Fear is different from other elements. Fear is the closest we have to Spirits and you keep banning it." My voice is low, full of grieve and anger. "But whatever understanding you have for that element...It is wrong, Michael and no matter how hard you will try to understand it, you will not be able to." I smile once again, turning around. "I need to go, Sanity and Destiny are waiting for me." I whisper in a cracked voice before shutting the door behind me.
***
It's quiet. Too quiet for my own liking.
With closed eyes and evened breath, I am fully steeped into the darkness, the void.
The fear of seeing something intensifies inside of me, something deep down is scared to see what happened, to find out the truth, because I am scared to know the truth, because it will not be something that I will like. And I know that it will bring pain to me, but not knowing what happened is more hurtful.
"Cassidy." I snap my eyes open at the voice of Sanity. She is sitting in front of me, her legs crossed, serenity vivid on her face. She seems calm, but I know that no matter what façade she puts on, she is worried. Something inside of her keeps moving and she cannot stop it. "You have to remain calm while meditating, you should stop thinking about whatever is bothering you."
Stop. Thinking.
It is so easy to say these words, than actually do it. The thoughts are boiling inside my head, raging, trying to break free, trying to find the truth. You cannot control this kind of rage inside of you. No matter how hard you try to do it. Anger from being lied to is greater than any other kind of rage.
"I am trying." I whisper the words out. I want to break free. I can feel my hands trembling a little, barely noticeable. Yet, they are trembling, shaking. "Sanity..." She looks at me again. "Tell me more about Spirits and how it works."
She does not say anything. Instead, she looks at Destiny, who nods her head. As if giving her the permission to speak. The duo has always fascinated me, how they communicated without really talking to one another, how in different situations, different one would take the leadership. It amazed me how they managed to hide so many secrets from others, how they managed to seem serene and calm, when they kept fussing and worrying inside.
"Spirits is not like other elements." Sanity whispers in a low voice. She smiles at me and glances at Destiny. "If anything, Spirits is closest to Fear, both of them effecting people's souls and mentality rather than physique directly." I nod, already knowing it. "Unlike others, you train by meditation, when you try to connect your mind, heart and spirit and be in sync with them. In your case, it will help you to develop connection with your elements." Sanity smiles at me gently.
"Once in every five generation Spirit user is born." Destiny continues talking instead of Sanity. "And like us, they can only reach certain aspects of the power. Like meditation and Spirit Physiology." She explains to me calmly. "But you... You are different Cassidy. You have the ability to use all of the aspects the power contains." I nod. I don't know what to tell others, when they put so much responsibilities and pressure on me. They put everything like, I have to be happy that I was chosen to be inhuman. That as if it is some kind of privilege, I never asked for.
"You have trouble concentrating because you are trying too much." Sanity starts talking once again. "If you stop it all and just let your inner self to roam free... It will be easier for you. You have to open inner gates someday, Cassidy."
"You might not realize it now." Destiny whispers in a low voice, leaning forward, as if scared that somebody might be listening to us. "And you might not realize it soon, but someday, you will understand everything. Sooner or later, answers will come to you, Cassidy. And you will understand."
"Understand what?" I tilt my head to the side, looking at them with wide, confused eyes. They look at one another, none of them speaking or moving. "Destiny..."
"Why you were chosen." She whispers in ancient tone, something she rarely uses. Shadows cover her face. "There is always reason behind everything and there will come time, when truth will unfold to you. You have to be patient. I sigh, rubbing my temples furiously. "Cassidy, is something bothering you?"
"No." I shake my head once again and smile at them. The least I need right now is anyone prying in my own business and dreams. "Everything is fine." I grin and sit more comfortable on the pillow. But none of them believe me, I can see it in their eyes. "Really, I am fine. I was just wondering." I add with measured and calm voice. Voice, that I used at the beginning of the school year.
"You can always talk to us if something happens." Sanity smiles at me. There is something in them that have granny aura around them.
"Yeah, I know." I nod and smile once again. I truly want to trust them, believe in their homey atmosphere and the feeling of safety they offer me. But the look in their eyes are bothering me. As if they know something important about me, that I should be aware of, yet I have no knowledge over it.
YOU ARE READING
Elements : Book One
Fantasy"There is always something hidden from our eyes. Sometimes, it is just a minor thing, but sometimes, it is a whole new world. " Cassie Stewart was a normal teenage girl in her sinior year. At first glance, her life was perfect. Until the powers star...
