Lỗi - Error 404 - ENGLISH TRANSLATION - Plaaastic

Part 12

There is one thing that i've never imagined to gain by having depression and that was the ability to act brilliantly. [ many years ] x [ many levels ] x [ 360 times ] = [ nobody discovered anything ]. I just had a few close friends that you could count on your one hand living with my boyfriend at the time for two years but nobody discovered anything. Everyone just knew that i hated prolonging time, everyone had to be on time not even a minute later and whenever someone didn't told me to stay for a little bit longer i just wanted to jump from that place. My friends thought that i was a negative person and that i didn't like winters, nobody noticed that i owned more pills than a pharmacy and wore long sleeved shirts to cover the scars that hurt bad when the wind changed. I knew that my lies would be seen over time because i never remembered any lies that i told, but i still did it.

I have a schedule that i use for organizing my calendar, for my normal calendar and for my abnormal calendar. Besides going to school, to work or going out i had a calendar for people that lived with me to see when the house will be empty so i could go and buy tons of food to watch a movie and vomit. I planned everything in one day when going out and then stayed home the next day to regenerate from opening up to the world. Many times i had to reschedule the shooting up to three or five days after every binge/purge session to give my pimples that popped out after these horrendous events the time to calm down a little bit. When someone asked i just acted again: „I smoked too much", „I couldn't sleep", it was always a truth but never a full one.

One thing that i know for sure that i gifted my friends with was a sense to feel terrifyingly calm. Thao, my dear Thao, so adorable and precious that i often wondered what did i do in my previous life to have her in this one. Thao would come over and see the pile of dirty dishes everywhere, bed full of cigarette ashes and smeared with blood and i would lie in there sighing with a strong smell coming from me. Thao would pick up all the dishes, change my bed sheets and turn on a movie for me to watch. This story would go on for the next ten years. Later, after i got my own place, i gave the house key to Thao. Everytime she opened the door i would question myself, will Thao be the first person that will see my dead body first?Do you know about the cat theory of Schrodinger? An imaginary cat, locked up in a box with one radioactive source. According to quantum mechanics, if you won't open the box the cat will be both alive and dead. I still got a chance to live, until Thao won't open the door and come in.