Lỗi - Error 404 - ENGLISH TRANSLATION - Plaaastic

Part 33

It's still a story about 0 or 100, or so i thought. Two living statues. So if i wanted to mash with other people i want everyone to understand me, usually i would invite them to use stimulants with me. What a bad friend, alcohol, gambling, every kind of drug. It was still „a thing under control" but thruthfully i could never let my friends be sad and only knew how to make them happy to the max.

Whoever knows me knows that i'm a central point of every fun. I'm a main clown, having me you will be laughing all night, a party never started if i didn't arrived and i'm a super fun person. Whoever is friend with me will understand, i never play anything if i don't have to play.

The only bright point from coming home to Hanoi was that i gained two friends into number five friends that i had: two plus five, so i had seven friends. When i say that i have seven friends i really mean that. I don't have a passing friend, a friend that i so so know about, i only have that exact number in my life, no more no less. I lost too many years to make friends, lost twenty-one years to get that number of people. 21 : 5 = more than 4 years to say one hello. These two new people, they were addicts too and when addicts meet each other then they only meet each other at number 100 so we understood each other more than 100 times.

These two new friends, their name was Bu and Teu. Tuan Jun friends. Tuan Jun knew them for a long time already, but was worried about his addict friend and didn't allowed himself to introduce us for a fear that i will be more addicted. But when you are at the same with addiction... every night and then another night we would hide in a room with windows covered, smoke everything that we had and understood each other, understood, understood.When we had our drugs, we would talk about life. When we lived our life we would talk about drugs. It was fun and it was bad because when we had drugs and understood what 100 means, we could:

1.Realize the next day how much we can love this world, and loved it.

2.Realize that we have a potentional to love this world but still couldn't love it.

I was always the second plan. I was scared about that. I said to Bu and Teu: „I'm so sad." And they would say: „Let's have some drugs today, ok?"

From that moment i discovered stimulants started to have stages of flying. You can't play with stimulants alone the same as you can't go dancing alone. You need a person that understands you, so you can go more, far together. These people might not be you normal friends but they are the ones that you click with to chill together. For instance you might like to talk when you are high, then this group will like to do it too. For all those many years that i did this i went through more than ten different groups. The reason was not that we didn't match each other anymore, it was because health wouldn't let us, my friends were slowly falling. Here, it could be a heart attack, liver disease, kidney disease, lung disease... I could swap from this game to another one, from this flying group to another flying group, and nothing could happen to me. We would fly all night, next morning all of them lying all over and i just went to buy breakfast for them, feed them, without any sleep, without makeup and wearing clothes for photoshoot with eyes still rolled back from drugs. I went home from work and they were still at my house, i changed clothes, cleaned up, woke them up and then lied down for another sleepless night.

I know that i can die in every minute, and i was too prepared for that thing but the tragedy was that absolutely nothing happened. Weed and drugs every night, every monthly check up was still like: „Body is absolutely normal only a little bit skinny, please always take care of your health, thank you." I was prepared to die, all the main things that i had to do i did it all, and still i was still the same, seriously this darn game. Life still gave me health like wanting to test my life, looking for my lowest point with a strong desire to die, but in the end it was still a day by day, passing this day to another one, then few months, then few years and maybe it will be a whole decade, like a biggest penalty that life could give me. „Dying would be too easy", was probably lifes thought. Well it was right anyway, i deserve to live, deserve to have to live.

Besides the thing that i've found a flying group in Viet Nam, i was also able to find a publishing company, they read my blog and wanted me to write a book. If you still didn't realize it, i accepted. But only now did i discovered that writting a book about my life is not easy at all. I imagined it be like writting a diary but it being a book and instead of one day it would be one decade of life. It's not like a blog, because blog is an outburst, i don't know who the reader is and i don't care, blog is mine and mine, it can be however i want it to be. Book is another story, it's a story of life and i got responsibility to make it good.

I would think about [ pitying eyes that everyone are giving me ] x [ number of prints ] = [ number of days that i have to stay at home until everyone won't forget about all things that they've read in this book ].Really funny, i still talk like i go out really often. In fact, i don't remember the last time i went out. Usually when someone says that „i haven't been outside for a long time", their real meaning is they still go to school, to work, watch tv, eat dinner with family only not going out to have fun. And my kind of going out has a dark meaning of going out. I'm lying on the floor, not moving, with a laptop on my stomach, writting these lines not knowing from when did i started. I can see my bed in this 20m2 room and can't seem to move my body there. I live in a call for food from phone life, having a delivery person bringing me sushi and then another delivery person would bring me pizza and sometimes they would remember my face and have a cigarette with me.