Speaking Heartbeats

Heartbeat 26

Heartbeat 26

Nanliit ang aking mga mata habang pinagmamasdan ang mga kaibigan sa aking harapan. They all bowed their heads when their eyes found mine, kaya naman malungkot akong napangisi.

"Okay, let's talk." I crossed my legs and rested my back on the sofa. Nanindig ang kanilang mga balikat at tumuwid ng upo.

"Explain.." tipid kong wika.

Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Lena. She gave me her crooked smile and sighed. "First of all, we are truly sorry, Alexis. We know what we did is terrible, kaya sana ay patawarin mo kami."

I huffed and released the heaviness in my chest. "You are my bestfriends, kaya naman masakit para sa akin na malaman na linoloko niyo lamang ako. You, of all people, betrayed me.."

I clenched my fist and averted my gaze. I can't look at them without feeling any pain or remorse.

"Alexis, please hear our story. Hindi nga katanggap-tanggap ang ginawa namin pero ang hinihingi lamang namin sa iyo ay pakinggan mo kami," Lena continued.

"Last year, Ate Lorelie approached us. Hindi namin alam kung saan niya nakuha ang mga numero naming apat ngunit tinawagan niya kami," Hannah started.

"We did not know that both of you had a rift. Wala ka naman kasing sinasabi sa amin." Napatingin ako kay Dolores. "She offered a deal to us, a plan to ask Andrei to make you fall in love with him."

"So you agreed," I cut her off. "You agreed to make fun of me.."

"Can you let us finish first? Please, Alexis.." Hannah's eyes glistened. I inwardly nodded, suppressing myself from hugging my friends and giving in.

"Magmula nang maghiwalay kayo ni Andrei noon, the new Alexis came into the picture. You've always been carefree, youthful, and happy, but after your breakup, you had become stiff, controlled, and meticulous."

Nely shook her head and stared at me. "You would always worry about the outcome of your actions. You are still young, but you are complicating your life by being tedious."

Lena held my hand. "Tell us, Alexis, why can't you just enjoy the moment rather than always worrying about the things that may happen?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. My vision became clouded as tears I had been suppressing escaped.

"I.. I.." my voice shook when I couldn't seem to construct a proper sentence.

"W-When life started playing with me, I learned to become more responsible. I wanted to prepare myself for the things that life may throw at me."

"When my sister got pregnant, all of her responsibilities for our family were all passed down to me. Papa imposed more authority. Mama became stricter. Ate hated me so much."

Namayani ang nakabibinging katahimikan, ang malalalim at mabibigat na paghinga lamang namin ang maririnig.

"So I pushed Andrei away when things between us became patchy. I'm totally pressured about everything. Even though I didn't want to let him go, I still did." A sad smile formed along the corner of my lips.

"What's more?" I chuckled with no humor. "I messed up and failed my subjects. Can't you see? Even the one thing I thought I was good at, I still messed it up. Everything is falling into pieces, and it's all because of my carelessness." Ramdam ko ang pait sa aking dibdib.

Lena squeezed my hand, kaya naman inangat ko ang mukha at napatitig sa kaniya. "But why did you not tell us? We are your friends, Alexis," she asked.

I shook my head sardonically and stared intently at my friends. "I just thought I could handle it alone. Wala rin akong lakas ng loob na lumapit sa inyo at humingi ng tulong. Nahihiya ako eh. I was your Miss Genious, but that time was my weakest point. I don't want you to see me crumbling down."