First Love // H.S.

59

A few days later, I'm sitting on my couch with my laptop on my lap and a mug filled with tea in my hand.

I'm looking for a house to rent in Amsterdam. I don't wanna live alone, so I'm looking for one that has a roomie of my age. The chances aren't very big I'm gonna find a house that I like with a roomie of my age.

The alternative is to buy or rent a house alone, and request a roommate online. It would be good if the roommate is a mum and knows how to talk English, so that she can help me with the baby. I wouldn't mind to share my house with a mum and a kid.

I click on a house that seems to appeal me a lot. It's on the borders of Amsterdam, which is good. I don't like the busyness of the center of cities. I like peace and quiet.

It's expensive, but I can afford it easily. It's only for sale and not for rent, so that would be my house. But I'm guessing this house isn't too hard to sell again, so why not?

I click on the house and start to fill in a form to make an appointment with an estate agent. When I get to the date, my heart stops for a second.

Today is the first of February. Harry's 22nd birthday.

Should I wish him a happy birthday?

We promised each other that we would leave each other alone... but a happy birthday can't hurt.

Right?

What's the worst that could happen? Him ignoring my text? At least he knows that I remembered his birthday. I would be pretty hurt if he would ignore mine.

So, I hesitantly grab my phone and go into my chat with Harry. I type in "Happy birthday! Hope ur having a good time :) x".

I stare at it for a few seconds, and then remove the "x" behind the smiley. My finger now hovers above "send".

What if he doesn't want to see my name at all, ever again? What if he doesn't want to be reminded of my existence?

Fuck it. I'm sending him the message.

I hit "send", and turn off my phone immediately. I don't wanna see the "seen" later today. It's gonna hurt me.

I turn myself back to my laptop and continue filling in the form to meet the estate agent, but stop typing when I realize I'd have to go to Amsterdam to meet him or her. I'd have to stay at a hotel.

Whatever, I'm done with being in London anyways. I've been here for so long now, and could really use a change.

I send the form with a satisfied look on my face and close my laptop. Then, I look up at my TV and continue watching the Netflix show.

While staring at the screen, I put my free hand onto my belly and start caressing it in a gentle way. I feel butterflies.

The baby in my uterus is just a shrimp fetus, and I'm already feeling butterflies for him or her. There's no way in hell I would abort my baby.

*

I've bingewatched about three episodes when my phone dings. I sigh while taking my phone in my hand.

My heart skips a beat when I see who texted me. I forgot I texted Harry a happy birthday.

"Thanks!! Donated my hair today -H"

I dunno why he's telling me that, but it shocks me. I'm so used to his long hair now, and I honestly forgot what he looks like with short hair.

"Whoa rly? I mean I knew u were gonna do it one day but now I'm kinda scared to see what u look like now haha"