First Love // H.S.

51

I wake up the next morning. Someone's holding me. Probably Harry.

I open my eyes, and slowly realize this isn't my house or Harry's house.

I look at the arms wrapped around me, and search for the cross tattoo on the left hand and the anchor on the wrist.

They're not there.

This isn't Harry.

No, this is Luke.

I'm in Luke's house in London. In Luke's arms.

The memories of last night flash through my brain.

When I went to Luke's house with Luke, we did some shots and got kind of drunk.

I can't remember anything that happened after that. It's totally blank.

What I do remember is that Luke made me feel something last night. Something Harry used to make me feel.

Butterflies. 

I can't even remember the last time I felt butterflies for Harry.

I put my hand onto Luke's, and feel the butterflies rushing through my belly.

What does this mean?

Does this mean that I... fell out love with Harry? Fell in love with Luke?

What do I tell Harry?

Did I sleep with Luke?

I subtly free myself out of Luke's arms, and notice I'm wearing different clothes. I smell my hair, and smell the fresh scent of different kinds of fruits. I probably took a shower last night.

I take my phone off the desk, and see I got many messages. My mum, my dad and Harry sent the most. I also have twenty missed calls and nine voicemails from Harry.

What if I actually slept with Luke?

I would be such a monster. How could I do this to Harry?

Yes, I had a feeling Harry was cheating on me. But what if he wasn't?

Yes, I had a feeling he didn't love me anymore. But what if he never stopped loving me?

Yes, I had a feeling all he wanted was sex and didn't have serious conversations with me. But now that I'm thinking of it...

He does have serious conversations with me. I just forget about them because my mind is somewhere else.

Having sex with Harry doesn't feel good anymore, because my mind is somewhere else. That's why it feels like he wants to sleep with me non-stop. Because I suddenly stopped wanting to sleep with him. In reality, he doesn't try it as much as it feels like. Yesterday was the first time in two weeks.

What do I tell him?

"Good morning, Harry. Sorry I suddenly left my parents' wedding last night without saying goodbye to anyone. I think I went to have sex with my ex-boyfriend and cheat on you. I can't remember anything, but I think that's what happened. Sorry about that! Also, I kinda fell out of love with you. Sorry about that too. Have a nice day!"

It'll break him. Doesn't matter how I tell him. It'll break his heart.

I turn my head to look at Luke. He's asleep.

I gotta get out of this house. I'll send him a text when I'm gone.

When I'm out of his bedroom, I stand still.

What do I wear? I can't wear the white dress, it'll draw too much attention. Since I'm a model for pretty popular lingerie brands, I also have the paparazzi problem. If they catch me leaving Luke's house, in the dress I was wearing yesterday... it won't be good.