Back to the Start (Book 3 of the "Fearless" series) [Completed]

Chapter 21 - Owner of a Lonely Heart

Chapter 21 - Owner of a Lonely Heart

September 1st, 2013
Los Angeles, Ca

[Donnie]

Time had pretty much stood still in the last week or so for me. It was a numb routine, waking up, checking my phone, sorting the kids out, leaving them with Karsyn, check my phone, interview, check my phone, meet and greet, check my phone, show, check my phone between songs, head back to the bus and pick up the kids, lay in bed and continuously check my phone.

I hadn't heard from Emmi since she left. No one had. Karsyn had handed me an envelope the night Emmi had left. I knew something had been up the moment I'd walked into Nick and Karsyn's suite. Karsyn had been crying, and Elijah looked sad.

Yet a week and a bit on and I still hadn't read it.

I kinda already knew what it said.

But now we were on the last date of the American leg of the tour. I'd woken up to Logan and Savannah playing in their crib, and straight away I knew we were parked up outside the Staples center. A part of me wanted to round the kids up and go home, where Emmi would be.

Because she would of gone home, right?

"Dad, do we go home later?"

I was shaken from my thoughts by Elijah, who slid in beside me at the booth on the bus. "Yup. After the show."

"Then how long will we be there?"

"Only a day or so, then we're flying to Germany."

Elijah sighed. "I wish Emmi would be there."

I looked at Elijah. "At home? She will be."

Elijah shook his head. "She won't. Her letter said she wouldn't."

I frowned. "Letter? You got one too?"

Elijah nodded. "What did your say?"

"I didn't read it."

Elijah climbed out the booth, picking up my Ipad. "I think you should read it Dad." He walked to the back of the bus, no doubt to lay in his bunk and play games.

I stood up and made my way to the back of the bus, lifting my pillow up and pulling out the letter Karsyn had given me. I slowly tore the envelope open before unfolding the piece of paper inside. I took a deep breath before starting to read.

Center>"Donnie...
I think we both know that it's come to this. Things haven't been ideal on tour. Alot of stuff has wormed its way between us, and the main culprit.. whether you want to believe it or not, is Lucie.

You might not see it, and for reasons I don't know why. But she's belittled me and intimidated me from the moment she arrived. She's put stuff in your head, telling you I'm sick. I'm not sick.. I just miss my husband, miss our life at home.

Communication has pretty much gone between us. It's like the moment we got married everything went down the drain.

I love you with everything that I am. That might sound corny, but it's true. But at this moment I feel like you don't love me. You're sick of me, you're constantly angry at me, and It makes me feel like shit.

It's why I decided to leave. I'm not good for you or the kids. Elijah asked me if we were breaking up, and it was so hard not being able to give him an answer, because I didn't even know myself.

I don't want us to be over. But we clearly need space. I need time to think everything over, and you.. well I don't know what you'll need time to have. Maybe time to miss me? Or get whatever shit Lucie told you out your system.

As for the kids.. my babies... it's killing me knowing I'm going to leave them. Originally I was going to take them too, but.. what good would that do? I'd be upset and crying all the time and that's not what I want them to see. Hell, I'm crying writing this and I haven't even left yet.

Take care of them, love them.. and please.. please tell them I love them every day. Because I do. I love you all so much.

Emmileigh. x x x

[/Donnie]

[Karsyn]

I've been pretty numb this whole entire week. I feel like a glorified babysitter and I think I've realized how much I hate kids. Well, not really, just, I've been stressed. On top of taking care of the twins with Sarah because Donnie refused to call his Mom, we were both trying to tutor Haley and Elijah. Thankfully Sarah is smart and can actually help Elijah.

I haven't heard from Emmileigh. I've tried every form of communication possible - calling, texting, e-mailing, instant messanger, everything. Her e-mails bounced back, so she closed out her e-mail account.

I was on the verge of hiring a private investigator. Not only did I miss her, I was worried about her and I wasn't even sure Donnie was worried. To be honest, I hadn't really talked to him. I was a built-in babysitter for him and that's all it seemed like I was. I wasn't his wife's best friend anymore. But it wasn't like I was NOT going to take care of the twins and Elijah. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of because he refused to call his Mom.

As soon as we pulled up to the Staples Center, Nick had a car take the three of us to our house. Donnie had the twins with him and Joey's wife was watching them for the day so I knew they'd be taken care of. I just wanted to be home. I wanted to see Chunk, Carter, and even Skittles. Haley wanted to see them like crazy. She wanted her room, her toys and frankly, I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry.

"Are you not coming to the show tonight?" Nick asked as he walked into the bedroom and crawled up on the bed with me. "I know you're worn out.."

"I'm so tired," I whispered, holding my phone up to my chest.

"Donnie's going to have to get someone else to watch the kids when we go to Europe, Karsyn, you can't keep doing it day in and day out," he whispered as I closed my eyes. "Given anymore thought about hiring someone to find her?"

"I have a strong feeling she went back to London," I whispered as I opened my eyes to look at Nick. "We know she's not here. We drove by the house. She wouldn't have went anywhere else here and we were so close to Newark or JFK when she left."

"Why don't you just stay here tonight with Haley and chill, wash my dirty clothes woman," he said as I rolled my eyes. "Just lay in bed. There's plenty of people around to watch the kids tonight. All the New Kids families are there and ours and they'll be taken care of."

"You sure?"

"Positive," I said as I looked over, seeing Carter jump up on the bed. "Plus, pretty sure someone misses you." I watched Nick as he crawled off the bed and looked to see Carter snuggling up against me. "I'll come back in before I leave."

"Okay," I whispered as I watched him walk out of the room.

I clicked to dial Emmileigh's phone, the one she had when she was living in England and it went directly to tell me the line was no longer available. I called her U.S. phone again and the same. I logged onto instant messenger and opened a message, hoping she'd at least check that.