Overdose

53. The Executioner

My brother and I avoided looking at each for the next few days after our argument. Well, it wasn't an argument, just him yelling at me and telling me how much he hated me. My mom was too busy to catch on to the tension in the house, so she didn't sit us down and make us apologize to each other like when we were kids. Yvonne didn't seem to pick a side, but it was hard to tell since she had been avoiding me. At least, I think she was avoiding me. I couldn't tell. She had just been spending a lot of time with Lilith, which wasn't something new. Especially considering the bombshell Lilith had dropped on us at the cemetery. I didn't mind it. I needed some time alone, and since Nathaniel had seemed to permanently move into Tiegan's house, I was getting more than enough alone time.

That alone time was interrupted when someone tapped on my shoulder while I was putting my things in my locker. I turned to see Tabby standing there, playing with her blonde hair.

"Oh, hi." I said as I shut my locker. "Do you need something?"

"Just wanted to say. You didn't forget about our little chat at Tiegan's do, did you?" She pouted, crossing her arms.

"Uh, no. Sorry. I remember you. I just had a really weird...past couple of days." I smiled, and hoped that she couldn't tell it was fake. She gave me a smile back.

"I totally get what you mean, don't worry." She let out a long, drawn out sigh. "I've been so busy lately between my job and cheerleading and all these people constantly trying to talk to me. I know what it's like to be overwhelmed, like earlier today someone pulled into the parking spot I was going to park in! Life can be so unfair sometimes."

"Sounds like you're having a rough time right now." I didn't want to sound rude and say something like "Try being declared dead for about three years and now your brother hates you oh and you think you might like someone romantically but you don't know if you're mentally stable enough to handle a relationship."as that would only make her feel bad, or make her get defensive. No one likes to have their feelings invalidated, even if those feelings are...not very necessary.

"Yeah, it's unbelievable." She dramatically leaned against my locker. "I'm surprised that I made it so far despite all my suffering."

If she was joking, I would have laughed. But she wasn't joking, and I make it a point to never laugh at someone's suffering.

"Well, I'm actually about to head to class...so..."I tried to find my way out of the conversation gently.

"Do you want to eat lunch with me?" She leaned from side to side, shuffling her feet.

"Uh, yeah sure. But, not today. I have a lot on my mind." I quickly said my excuse and then walked away.

I felt bad for leaving her just standing there, but I was worried she was going to take our hanging out as more than just that, hanging out. I wasn't ready for a relationship, and was struggling to maintain the ones I already had. I didn't need to worry about someone else who I would, without a doubt, disappoint.

I made my way to class, but then stopped when I heard someone say my name.

"Evan? Can I talk to you for a moment?" Lilith said. She had been standing outside my classroom door.

"Lilith, I have to go to class-"

"I know, but...I'm worried." I could have guessed that just by looking at her. Her usual smile was gone, and instead of bouncing around like she always did, she was just standing there, shoulders slumped and arms lying limply by her side.

I sighed. "I've never been good at geology anyways. Who cares about rocks? Let's go." I then paused. "Wait, where do you want to go?"

"Well, we could go to the catwalks-"

"No, no. Absolutely not. We can not go up there." She looked like she was about to ask why, so I just went for the first thing that came to my mind. "Let's go to the roof."

"You know how to get to the roof?" Lilith asked.

"The first thing I do when I go anywhere is find out how to get to the roof." My attempt at a joke worked, and I heard Lilith let out a small laugh. At least I could make one person happy.

Lilith and I made it to the roof, and sat on the edge. It brought me back to being in The Facility. The roof was the only spot I had that made me feel free. Even when Caesar tried to ruin it for me when he made me...I can't even say it...it doesn't matter. The roof was my spot.

"So, what's on your mind?" I asked.

Lilith sighed before talking. "Are we still going back to The Facility?"

I hadn't even thought of that in a while. I was so busy with my own problems that that plan had completely left my mind. "I think so."

"How can we go back if we're not ready? We're focusing on everything but that. You're arguing with your brother, Kieran and Damion are distancing themselves from everyone, and Yvonne...she's been spending an odd amount of time with Nathaniel lately. How the hell are we going to go back there without getting ready and being too involved in drama?" Lilith spoke fast. I never heard her sound so...angry. The smile that she always donned was gone, and her eyes had dark circles underneath. She looked like a Lilith from an alternate dimension where everyone was the complete opposite of themselves.

"Lilith-"

"I feel like I'm the only one who is trying to be positive about everything, but I can't do it anymore." Her voice cracked. "I can't do it anymore."

"No one said you had to."

She stared at me. "You don't get it. I have to be this way. I had to be this way for Nathaniel when he was locked away, when Damion had problems, when Yvonne needed a friend. I have to be this person for everyone because if I don't then I have no purpose. If I'm not the person that everyone can go to when they need advice, a laugh, a smile, then I'm nothing." She wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Evan. I shouldn't have put all this on you. I just knew that if I went to Yvonne, she wouldn't be able to help. She can't even help herself."

"Harsh." I was surprised. It wasn't the worst thing I've heard someone say about someone else, but coming from Lilith it was like she had told me that Yvonne was a lost cause. "Lilith, you shouldn't be forcing yourself to be a therapist to everyone. I'm not going to say you have a purpose in this world, because if I'm being honest I don't think anyone has purpose, I think we all just say that because it makes us feel better."

"So you think people should just up and die?" Lilith asked.

"No! I mean...I don't know." For some odd reason I had forgotten how to talk. "Lilith, I wish I could help, but I have no idea how to deal with emotions like you do."

Lilith groaned and stood up. "Maybe we should all focus on going back to the Facility." She turned and walked away.

I sighed. Who knew life outside The Facility would be harder than being on the inside?