Hey, not me!

Chapter fifteen: broken ties.

I woke up with a dreary headache. It might have been because I had let myself do something I hadn't done in a long time. I cried. By the time I got home, I was a mess of frustration and wounded pride. I couldn't believe that I'd let myself get embarrassed like that. I should have left when I had a chance but my stupid soft spot for Sheila hadn't let me. And she hadn't even tried to come after me to check that I was okay.

Hours of enraged crying had left me in a bad shape. My eyes were all puffy and red. My nose still had an unpleasant sheen due from blowing it so much. I took time preparing myself. I followed some YouTube video to try and get rid of the signs that I'd been crying. Luckily, I managed to do this with a great degree of success. I looked as fresh as a cucumber when I left the house.

The morning at the office was slow and I buried myself in work. By the time lunched rolled by I knew I wouldn't be leaving the office. I took out my packed lunch and headed to the department's common area. I had had my lunch there everyday before Sheila had become a factor in my life. My seat by the window had a good view of the town and I realised I had actually missed the feeling of being there.

Earlier that day I had expected to feel lonely when I had lunch alone. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find out I didn't so much as feel a tremor of negative emotions. That is the thing about me, I never let a bad thing hold me down. Years of detaching myself from people had left me as what some would consider heartless. I took everything in stride and moved on with my life regardless. No need to cry over spilt milk.

"Hi," a hesitant voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Hi Sheila," I replied indifferently.

"I was waiting for half an hour and then I realised that you weren't coming," she stated.

"Yeah, I decided to get back to old habits. And I didn't bring you any lunch today. I didn't have time to prepare extra," I told her in a bored voice.

"Its okay, I can go without lunch." She said and sat next to me. I went on looking outside while ignoring her, I didn't feel like having a meaningless conversation with her. "You left so fast yesterday. I couldn't find you when I came to check on you."

"I didn't leave fast. I came all the way up here to pick my stuff then signed out with the HR before I could leave. That took me ten minutes. You should have had enough time to catch me before I left but I guess I could wait as you entertained your friend," I pointed out.

"Aisha," she said pleadingly.

"What?" I shot back.

"I couldn't just get up and leave him. He is an important man and I couldn't displease him by walking out on him," she explained.

"Wow," I said in disbelief. "So all that talk about being in control of your life and not letting a man take that from you was just gibberish to you. You are the lamest excuse of a woman I have ever known, and that is saying a lot." I got up to head to my office, not wanting to hear any more nonsense from this person I'd thought was my friend.

"You have the nerve to talk me like that when you are just scared of love. You think you are so strong but you're just a weak little girl that got hurt," she accused. It was supposed to hurt me but I had heard that line so many times I lost count.

"No, Sheila. I am neither weak nor scared. I am a woman who refuses to be defined by the rules and expectations of the people around me. I live by my own code and I don't compromise for anyone. I do not need some prince charming to sweep me off of my feet. I don't need the attention of some man to turn me into a disloyal and traitorous friend. When I am someone's friend, they become my family. I make them my first priority. So forgive me for expecting the same from you," I laid it out clear. I could see her swallow as she realised the truth of my words. She had let a man she barely knew edge his way between us.

"You wouldn't understand," she tried to salvage.

"Then help me to understand. Help me understand why that man who is way older than you was more important than me. Help me understand why you spent the only one hour we get together in a day giggling at him while completely ignoring me. You acted like I wasn't the same woman you run to when you have a crisis. It was like I suddenly became dispensable the minute he showed up. Do you even know how you look throwing yourself like that at a stranger? The guy is probably even married. Did you ever think of that?" I was getting riled up fast and needed to end this conversation.

"I knew it. This is all about him being an older man. So what if I like older men? You are in no room to judge me," she said angrily.

"Oh my God. You weren't listening to anything I was saying, were you? I don't care what kind of men you like. What I care about is the fact that you are so willing to treat me badly because of a guy. You barely know him and you are already forgetting I exist. But don't worry your pretty head over me. I can survive without you, even as I know you can survive without me. Go pursue you love story dearie. I just hope you never regret destroying our friendship over a man," I told her.

"You are breaking up our friendship?" She questioned.

"Yes sweetie. I don't do third wheel," I said with finality. I didn't stay to check her reaction. Maybe I was a bit harsh but I never settle for less. You either had my back or you walked, no third option. Compromise had never been in my vocabulary.