Hey, not me!

Chapter thirteen: late night confessions.

I decided to spend the rest of my weekend with Sheila just because I could and because it wasn't that much fun being alone in an empty house. We spent Saturday running around in the amusement park doing childish things and enjoying every moment. We took ourselves out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. After we got back to Sheila's we sat down to watch some movies.

We were both so tired and sleepy when it was time to get to bed. I thought that I'd fall asleep immediately but surprisingly, I couldn't. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours but still sleep eluded me. I could hear Sheila's steady breathing on the other side of the bed and knew she was sound asleep. I didn't want to wake her up and so got up and went back to the living room.

I put on the TV and tuned in to watch some Nigerian movie. It was a love story and I found myself getting absorbed into it. I got engrossed in watching and even as it went on playing up to the third part I was still there. I was hooked, wanting to know what would happen and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to see love triumph. I didn't realize how late it was until I heard Sheila shuffle around and I checked the clock.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" She said as she headed to the bathroom.

"I couldn't sleep," I said.

"Why?" She asked as she returned from the bathroom.

"I was thinking," I answered reluctantly.

"About? You are not stressed, are you?" She asked worriedly.

"No, its nothing like that." I laughed.

"Oh. Then what is it?" She insisted.

"I was so happy today," I said, stalling. I didn't want to tell her what was really in my mind. I didn't want her to think any less of me.

"Happy people don't stay up late watching mushy stuff on TV," she countered.

"I know. When we got back here and we spent so much time just goofing around, it brought back memories. Memories of things that I spent the last eight years of my life trying to forget," I confided.

"Wow, I didn't know you had a dark past. I always assumed that you had it easy seeing as you barely ever complain even I can barely shut up myself. Do you want to talk about it?" She prompted cautiously.

"I was really in love once," I dropped.

"You? Okay, I want to hear this one," she said as she scooted next to me.

"I was just fifteen and didn't know much about love, obviously. I fell hard for him. He had just moved to our village and he was the cutest guy I ever saw. He had these beautiful dimples and when he smiled it was like the world would just come to a stop. I know it sounds stupid but I promise you, I have never seen a man who is more handsome. We became friends because he'd come to our shop and find me there sometimes. We'd talk for a long time and I was convinced that he had feelings for me. My parents should have been strict in the custom African way but they weren't. They just advised me and let me grow up on my own," I paused as I remembered.

"Wow, it sounds like a chapter from a romance novel." Sheila put in.

"I know," I agreed. "We used to go to church together and he'd walk me home afterwards. I thought it was really sweet and it went on like this for a whole year. And then one day he stopped coming. I thought that maybe he had gone visiting to one of his relatives. My brother told me that he'd seen him a week later and I thought that maybe he'd just gotten back. I went to check on him. I found him alright," I said and cringed.

"Why do I get a feeling that what comes next isn't good?" She asked.

"Because it isn't. He was busy making out with this girl Hilda. We weren't exactly best friends but she was one of the few girls that were nice to me. I was so shocked by the way they were all over each other, groping, kissing. It was horrible to watch and I got rooted there unable to move. Am glad I stayed because I wouldn't have heard the next part. They were actually talking about me the whole time which was rather disturbing. And that's when I heard that they only were nice to me so they could get things out of me. You know our village is in a remote area and I'd give them free sodas and cakes since they were my friends. I didn't think they were just using me to get things they couldn't afford," I scoffed.

"It must have been hard since you were so young and innocent," she sympathised.

"It was horrible. God, I don't even want to remember how much it hurt. I never told anyone about it because I was so embarrassed. I pretended that everything was alright and nursed my wounded pride in secret. I never again entertained the idea of love or friendship again. I never had reason to question my decision until now. I got you now and even though we've been friends just awhile, I trust you. This scares me so much, Sheila. That's what I have been thinking about all night," I admitted.

"And you think am not terrified?" She asked.

"I don't know. Are you?" I countered.

"I am terrified that you are going to wake up one day and realize that I am too much. People always think that I am too much of something; too enthusiastic, too loud, too weird, too friendly, too loyal, too nosy. There is always something and am afraid that maybe one day I will also be too much for you," Sheila said as her eyes welled up with tears. I had never seen her so serious and vulnerable.

"Oh, you are already too much. And I love that about you, because I have always been too little myself." I told her in earnest. "I love being your only friend and knowing that you are my only one. We are all that we got," I went on.

"I love you girl," she said.

"I know. I love me and you too," I laughed and hugged her.

"We really need to stop with this nightly routine," she laughed with me.

"I don't mind it so much," I joked.

"Well, I do. Now get yourself back to bed," she said and headed to bed herself. I followed right behind her glad that I had opened up.