ep 22: cold

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mild description of panic attack

mild description of panic attack

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Seonghwa's hand clenched around his fork, unable to take another bite out of his salad. All around him people softly talked and laughed with each other, and it only made the eighteen-year-old much more aware of this certain situation he found himself in that Friday evening.

His father sat across from him in JH diner, currently scarfing down a burger like it was his first time eating in ages. What made it worse was that the man hated burgers, and the only reason he'd ordered one was because his mother used to almost always get burgers whenever they were available on the menu.

Seonghwa looked away when their eyes met, sliding a small piece of lettuce into his mouth.

"Seriously, the fries and the burger combo is so good," his father spoke up. "We both know I usually never go for junk food on a work night, but I just had this craving for it."

Seonghwa only nodded, but couldn't help this dark, ominous feeling that overtook him once he saw the way his father dipped his fries into some ketchup. The feeling intensified when he saw the man visibly grimace whilst taking yet another huge bite out of his burger, seeping further and further into his bloodstream and clogging up his throat until he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He dropped his cutlery.

His father continued to eat and eat, face curled into discomfort with every bite he took.

Seonghwa clenched his fists under the table, his prolonged silence earning the attention of his dad.

"Seonghwa, why aren't you eating anything?" The man asked. "Is the food not good? I mean, we used to come here all the time when you were younger." He paused, eyes gleaming over with nostalgia. "Your mom used to love this place a lot -- "

That darkness inside Seonghwa transformed into cold-blooded fury. "I can't -- I can't do this."

His father's smile slowly fell, reality dimming the light in his eyes. "...Seonghwa..."

The blue plaid Seonghwa wore tonight suddenly felt a thousand times tighter than ever. The hazy peachy lights appeared as bright as fire in front of his eye sockets, rapidly increasing the headache building up inside his brain.

A stupid part of him had opted to at least take his time to dress up for tonight, because maybe that would've changed things. Maybe he would've had fun tonight, or even have a normal conversation with his dad without something fucking it up for once.

But of course not.

"You're doing it again," Seonghwa said, detesting how heavy his voice sounded. He inhaled a breath. "You said...you said you wanted tonight to be all about us two, yet here you are, buying every single thing mom used to eat here. You fucking hate burgers and ketchup for Christ's sake. So why?"

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