"I don't want to go out though" I frowned talking through the phone.
"C'mon y/n. It's just a party. Oscar won't get mad I'm sure" I sighed letting a tear roll down my cheek.
"Emma you know what today is right?" I asked
"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry I really am. I know it must be hard to not have your dad here but you have to be happy and move on sooner or later"
"I choose later. It's only been a year. I'll talk to you whenever" I sighed hanging up. I slightly threw the phone on my bed and stared out the window.
I miss you, papa. It hasn't been the same without you.
Today marked one year without my dad. And I needed someone to talk to or someone to hold me. My mom and I grew apart. And my boyfriend Oscar has been distant. I haven't seen or talked to him. I needed to see him. I wanted him to just hold me. But it seems like he won't be doing that.
I got in bed and laid down. My eyes flooded with tears. I felt empty inside. Lonely.
"Mija I'm going to the store. Wanna come?" My mom talked through the door. I got up opening the door.
"Can we stop by Oscars right quick?" I asked. She nodded and pulled me into a hug
"I know its hard mija"
We pulled away and I put on my shoes. We headed out and she drove to Oscars' house. The closer we got the more I got scared, and nervous. I didn't know what was gonna happen. Or what I was gonna see. Its been a couple of weeks since we've talked or seen each other so its gonna be awkward. She parked the car on the other side of the road. I looked out the window seeing him and his boys outside talking and smoking.
His everyday thing.
"I'll be back" I slightly smiled at my mom before getting out of the car heading over to him. His face was emotionless when he saw me. It broke my heart more.
"Oscar can we talk?" my voice was raspy by now. My throat was tight. It felt like I had barbwire all around it. I blinked back my tears. He got up walking inside.
"What about?" He asked closing the door.
"I think we need to break up" I softly spoke. I honestly didn't want to break up with him but how can we have a relationship when we don't even talk. Right?
"What?" he seemed upset. I guess he doesn't want to break up
"It's just we don't talk anymore. Hell, we don't even see each other. I'm sorry but I think that's what's best" His eyes became glossy. It hurt me seeing him cry. And knowing that it's my fault that he's crying is gonna hurt me more.
"You're with someone else? Is that why your mom is waiting for you in the car so she can drop you off at the guy's house?!" He yelled letting tears fall.
"No, Oscar! No! Damnit! I'm not dating anyone at all. I may be dating you but were technically not dating! Do you know how tired I am? I wake up everyday crying. Asking why? Why did he leave? Why couldn't it have been me? Why now?" by now I was balling.
"Who is he?" Oscars' voice became softer. He probably still thinks I'm dating someone else.
"My father Oscar. I lied to you. He didn't leave me and my mom or move. He died. In a car crash. Last year. Today marks 1 year without him. I'm hurting. And you're hurting me more. I can't have that. I can't deal with that much pain. So I think we should break up. You have all these other girls to make you happy so be with them"
"You make me happy" Oscar said emphasizing you.
"How can I make you happy when I can't even make myself happy?" I sobbed.
"Fine whatever leave. That's what you do best" He walked out slamming the door. I stood there for a while crying. But I soon wiped my tears and walked out getting back in my mom's car. As she drove away I couldn't help but think about how Oscar reacted.
**
It's been a couple of weeks since I broke it off with Oscar. And I now regret it. It's been hard without him. I mean it's basically the same. We would never see or talk to each other before so what changed right? Well before I knew that I had him to go to and now I have no one. I don't even go out of my room anymore. I just lay in bed practically all day every day.
Well, today I had decided to at least go out. I can't stay in this room forever.
I slowly got ready. I got dressed in black ripped jeans, with fishermen tights underneath, and a white cropped button-up tank top with my black 4-inch boots. I sighed as I walked out of the house. I would normally never wear this type of outfit but something in me wanted to.
"Hey y/n haven't seen you in a while" Luciano waved as he drove in his impala. It was weird. All the Santos had impalas. I walked down the street just walking around. I really should've brought my jacket. It's kind of chilly. I was going to the store to get some snacks. I noticed I was soon gonna walk past Oscar's house.
I sighed noticing his house getting closer and closer. My feet stopped and I hesitated to keep walking. I cleared my throat and continued walking. As I walked closer I saw the front yard filled with the Santos. I rubbed my arms with my hands as a breeze went by. Oscar came out of the house holding a beer. He seemed lost. He noticed me and slowly started walking to me. "H-hey um I still have your jean jacket if you want it" I stopped walking and nodded.
We started walking inside and I felt everyones eyes on me. We stepped into the house and he went to his room. "Here" he handed me the jacket and I quickly put it on getting a wiff of his calogne. "Well I guess im gonna leave. Thanks for my jacket" I smiled and opened the door for it to only be closed. He spun me around and kissed me passionately.
"I miss you" he said against my lips. My heart still ached. "Please don't leave me again. Things have been crazy around here without you" I laughed pulling him into a hug. "I bet it was chaotic" he chuckled nodding. "Im sorry about everything y/n. I really am" I smiled lightly and sighed. "Its fine. Just promise me something please" . "Yeah anything" I pulled away from the hug looking him in the eyes. "Even after all the bad times promise me you'll never leave my side"
"I promise"
