narrations for my au

one shot (3)

avery finall saw jeonghan's endearing smile, she saw it with her own eyes. she also met the reason behind that smile. she met jeonghan's first love.

there she is standing by the end of the hallway after the interaction saying she'll just look around and let them talk— she won't lie na hindi siya nagseselos pero wala eh, she wanted to see jeonghan's smile for the first time, that smile she's been wanting to see nang dahil sakanya, pero yun pala sa iba lang— and doon pa sa taong hanggang ngayon ay baka mahal niya pa rin.

avery couldn't help but smile sadly, pero sobrang saya niya kung tutuusin— but it's too painful if we check reality, too painful to accept na una pa lang hindi naman talaga ikaw ang magiging rason ng mga ngiti niya.

there he is, there is jeonghan smiling so brightly like the world is in front of him, there is jeonghan standing admiring the person in front of him and not even batting an eye sa mga paligid niya. ang mas nakakatawa ay, picture ni jeonghan ang pinakamalaki sa kalagitnaan ng mga photos dito sa exhibit pero hindi man lang tiningnan nang matagal ni jeonghan, and avery notices it all.

[text with jun]

"totoo pala yung sinabi nila joshua 'no?" avery breaks the silence as they both walk hand in hand going back to their hotel after spending the day in malia's exhibit as well as going around the park near the exhibit hall. it was really warm as the breeze of the air hits the both of them making avery shiver.

jeonghan suddenly lets go of avery's hand as he removed his coat and puts it on top of avery's shoulder to keep her warm. despite those gestures, avery still felt the same— empty. honestly she wanted to cry in front of him and ask him if he really did love her, or if he still love her right now, after meeting his first love. avery seemed to be really out of her thoughts until she looked at her hand and saw that jeonghan interlocked their fingers again.

"what do you mean na sinabi nila joshua?" he suddenly asks avery who started walking the same pace as jeonghan, "that you are really beautiful when you smile. they say, an endearing man." she says looking down while slightly swinging their hands together, "quite a perfect man to describe." she adds making jeonghan chuckle softly.

jeonghan suddenly stopped walking as he found a bench near the river to sit on. they made their way at the bench as mixed of tourists and locals floods the streets, also the lanterns that makes up the place, perfect for photography or painting. as jeonghan thought of that, he can't help but to think of someone again. he shakes his head as he sat on a bench while pulling avery with him.

she didn't know why but she suddenly felt the distance of the both of them, she felt a really thick tension that envelopes within them and even though the place is surrounded by a lot of people chattering, it felt like her mind blocked it and all she could hear was her heartbeat beating rapidly as if she's stuck in an unknown cage.

"i'm sorry, avy." jeonghan finally broke the silence as he pulled avery closer, on the other hand the latter reached out for his hand and held it close to her, "please be honest with me," he adds as avery looks to her right and nods softly, "are we okay? i mean we are but like, these past few days it felt really distant and today," he breathes in composing himself as he sighs looking down and playing with their fingers on his lap, "after the meeting with you know who, i was just asking if we're okay i'm sorry if i keep blabbering but yeah," he mumbles which made avery laugh.

avery reached out for his chin and made him look at her eyes, all avery can see is pure longing. she wanted to see the endearing smile she saw awhile ago, but she knew na hindi niya iyon magagawa kasi hindi siya, siya. avery shakes her head and pinched jeonghan's cheek.

"we're okay, baka you're overthinking lang. ang if you felt the distance between us, baka we just need time to understand each other." lies. puro na lang understanding, they can't even talk about the serious matters they have at each other. lagi na lang pag-unawa pero kulang sa gawa, "anyway, i enjoyed today don't worry. lalo na sa exhibit and i know you are prouder than i since you were there simula nung na-discover niya dream niya."

and there he is— jeonghan's twinkling eyes started to show up and avery can't help but smile fondly. jeonghan's mouth broke into a smile and felt really overwhelming about all the happenings. jeonghan knew, lahat ng hirap simula nung una hanggang sa makatungtong at magkaroon ng exhibit yung tao. avery can't help but smile again, kasi masaya ang taong mahal niya.

jeonghan is already walking fast, she can't even keep up with his pace. despite walking side by side, mirroring each other's movements as if they are one— she still can't keep up. gusto niyang sabihin sa tadhana na bagalan ang oras, na sana nandito lang siya sa tabi ni jeonghan hanggang dulo.

totoo nga sinabi ni junhui, ano? baka gusto niya lang yung feeling na may mahal siyang tao, but she can't even understand herself if she really loves jeonghan. truth to be told, she just wanted him to be happy, the happiest honestly. gusto niya lang naman ang mabuti para kay jeonghan, kasi if he does receive it and it makes him happy? it makes her happy too.

she was snapped out of her thoughts as she felt plump lips against her lips, she stopped spacing out as the first instinct she did was playfully slap jeonghan on his chest which the latter laughed at, "jeonghan! we're in public!" she whines which made jeonghan laugh again, "bakit? bawal ba halikan girlfriend ko? and hello! we're in italy, it's my dream to kiss someone in this country and you're lucky it's you." he teases as he went near and kissed her nose this time, "i'm also lucky to be with you under the lights in my favorite country, avery." he softly says looking intently on her eyes.

avery wanted to smile, avery wanted to know if she's really lucky— because these words coming out of jeonghan's mouth is so real to be true. she puts both of her hands on his cheek and slightly squeezed it as she crashes her lips onto his for another kiss, jeonghan can't help but smile endearingly and held her on the waist pulling her closer.

as they parted, jeonghan smiled, "hindi ka nakikinig sa kwento ko kanina eh, ikaw ha para-paraan. if you wanted a kiss, you should've told me na lang." he teases again as avery fondly laughs, "how was it? the exhibit?" he suddenly asked which made avery sit in silence thinking of words to reply. instead of replying she looks down and smiled sadly,

"jeonghan?" she asks

jeonghan hummed in response,

"masaya ka ba?" with that jeonghan looks up and admired the stars above as if he was remembering a memory then there again, the smile he lets out, lahat ng ito, first time makita ni avery.

"masaya. sobrang saya." avery felt the happiness that his face conveys. she was supposed to speak again but jeonghan beats him to it, "and also, thank you for coming here with me. i'm really happy." he says still looking up the stars.

probably this is her answer after everything.
bakit hindi nila mabitawan isa't isa? kasi all she wanted was to make this man happy. despite not being in the same pace at nasa huli na siya, despite seeing jeonghan's back and being happy with someone that is not her, it's okay as long as he's happy.

for now, she know na nalilito pa rin siya.
as long as she's with him and he's with her.

as for jeonghan, he knew naman kung ano ang pinasok niya sa una pa lang. he knew the consequences he'll face in the future but as long as he's trying and making the person that they're more than that, he's okay.

"avy?" he suddenly asked later on as avery hummed in response, "always remember na mahal kita, mahal na mahal." he says despite not feeling the warmth anymore, despite they're both getting farther from each other. "i'll love you hanggang sa makakaya ko. i know i'm not perfect, pero i'll try." he mumbles in her hair.

"jeonghan, kahit 'wag mo naman sabihin as long as we both try, we can get pass through this." she says closing her eyes in the touch of jeonghan, "i love you too. sobra." she ends which made jeonghan's breathing hitch.

they both know that there's a wall building up between them.
they both know that despite being together everyday, parang may kulang pa rin.

still, they can't let go of each other.