You are the Reason

Chapter 31

Tulala lang ako sa loob ng unit nang makauwi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong naging masaya. I immediately watched some clips from the interview. Glaiza changed her appearance.

She now has a short hair and she looks healthier. Hindi na siya ganon ka-payat tignan at iba ang ganda na naidulot ng maiksi niyang buhok.

I used to like how long and healthy her hair was. Her long straight hair has a fragrance of sweet flower and it feels smooth in between my fingers.

Cyril deleted all of my photos with Glaiza. Nag bitaw na rin kasi ako ng salita noon na sigurado akong hindi na ako babalikan ni Glaiza dahil grabe ang sakit na naidulot ko sa kanya.

There are moments where I thought of sending her my regards. Ilang beses akong nakipag talo sa sarili kung kakausapin ko ba siyang muli o hindi na.

And just like every time, I always end up not sending a single message. Wala akong lakas ng loob para kausapin siya at kamustahin.

After all the pain that I gave to her, I couldn't find any courage to ask how she is.

Nakatitig ako sa sarili at inaaral ang mukha noong mga panahong ilang araw pa lang ang lumipas mula nang mag hiwalay kami ni Glaiza.

Kumikinang ang balat ko. I don't know if it's just me or everyone really has a different glow after a breakdown.

Kauuwi lang nina Anton at Cyril. Hindi namin nagawang mag inom ngayon dahil parehas silang may trabaho bukas ng umaga.

I asked them to stay for a night but they refused my offer. Mukhang parehas talagang importante ang mga kailangang gawin bukas.

When I went outside of the bathroom, I found myself staring at Glaiza's account. She unfollowed me in her accounts and ever since our breakup, wala na akong narinig na kahit ano sa kanya.

Maybe she took a little break. She needed that and I wish she'd be fine after all these.

Nag tipa ako ng mensahe. Gusto ko siyang tanungin tungkol sa kalagayan niya. Walang balita tungkol sa kanya at mukhang hindi lang ako ang nakakamiss sa kanya dahil may mga fans na nagcocomment sa bawat post ko.

I thought deeply about sending a message. Hindi ako makaisip ng tama at maayos na tanong. In the end, I decided to not send anything.

I'd let her heal. That way, I'd be able to start moving forward.

Iyon ang akala ko. Para ko lang pinarurusahan ang sarili ko sa tuwing bibisita sa profile niyang walang kahit na anong update. Halos apat na buwan na siyang walang paramdam.

Wala siyang kahit na anong trabaho at walang kahit na anong sinasabi. She's not posting anything too. I don't even know where she is. I never tried going to her unit.

I called Cyril that night. Kauuwi niya lang galing sa isang mall show pero kailangan ko kasi ng makakausap. They're both really dependable. Masaya akong nakahanap ako ng kapatid sa kanila ni Anton.

"I really miss her..." umiiyak na sambit ko sa kabilang linya.

Cyril sigh deeply. "Ate," she worriedly called me. "Stop torturing yourself. Kung gusto mo siyang kamustahin at kausapin, subukan mo..." ayan ang palagi niyang sinasabi.

No matter how hard Cyril push me to message Glaiza, I always end up not doing it. Hindi ko talaga kaya...

That night, I dozed off with hot tears.

I was still feeling a bit groggy when I moved out of the van. Hawak ni Patty ang passport ko at ticket pass. Nasa likuran niya ako at may iilang camera akong nakikita sa gilid.