You are the Reason

Chapter 38

Inayos ko ang ilang gamit sa loob ng silid. I had my clothes fixed. My body soap, shampoo, perfumes and makeups in the bathroom.

Ganito yata talaga ako kapag hindi maayos internally. Nagiging functional bigla.

Maybe this is my defense mechanism. Because I can't accept that I'm not okay, I try to pretend that I am.

Buo ang desisyon ko. Iyon ang pagkakaalam ko. Hindi ko mawari kung bakit bigla na lamang ako tutulala at agad kong maiisip kung paano kami nagsimula.

Parang nanlalamig ang buo kong katawan nang lumapat ang aking kamay sa malamig din na unan sa malawak na puting kama.

I was a fan of her. With all the projects and events that I have accepted and attended, I've always hoped for her presence. It's not something shallow someone could think of. It's actually like a dream come true.

Lahat naman ng tao may isang bagay na hinahangad. It can be a person or an animal... can be a place or a situation. We all have a dream, and mine is to be happy with the person I love.

I have always dreamt of waking up each morning beside the person that I truly love. Hindi kailanman pinaranas ng pamilya ko sa akin na salat kami sa buhay. I have an average life. My career is something that I do because I find it so fun to act in front of the camera.

Ilang beses na akong napagod sa trabaho ko. Ilang beses na ring pumasok sa isip ko na umalis na lang pero hindi ko maituloy 'yon dahil sa kontrata.

Parang bumalik ako sa panahon kung saan wala ang takot sa aming dalawa. When we can loudly say that we're each other's wife, freely giving hints but people didn't really care.

A part of me wants to go back to her and take back what I've thought of but the image of her manager kept on flashing inside my head.

Thinking about all the 'firsts' I had with Glaiza, lalo lang pumasok sa isipan kong h'wag na lang umalis.

With all these thoughts, I can't even count how many times I considered taking my decision back... natatakot akong talikuran ang mga binitawang salita sa handler ni Glaiza.

How did we even get to this point? From what I remember, we chose to fix our problem. I actually think that I also need to consider the fact that Glaiza won't benefit anything from me.

Have you ever felt so worthless? Because right at this moment, I feel like I am.

She was having a good time. She has a good life. All she did was to make her fans happy... including me. She was that precious Glaiza who was selfless enough to give up everything for me. And right at this moment, I am thinking of leaving her. I am planning to leave the love of my life behind.

It wasn't her smile who woke up the love that I have for her. It wasn't her tears either. It was the sacrifices that both of us made. It was all the jealousy and protectiveness.

Kasabay ng pagtunog ng doorbell ang pag-angat ko ng tingin sa pinto. Only my personal assistant and handler knows about my whereabouts. Walang alam ang media, at inirequest na i-private ang pag stay ko ngayon dito.

I wore one of the robes inside the bathroom before looking at my reflection. I don't look so good. Parang binagsakan ng langit at lupa.

Wala sa sarili at naluluha pa ring lumakad ako papalapit sa pinto. Just when I thought that somehow it might be her, Patty showed up, looking so bothered.

"Why?" I asked. Totally confused.

Nang gumilid siya, nakita ko si Glaiza at ang galit niyang mga mata. Still wearing her gown from the event, she thanked my assistant.