Love in Disguise

Chapter Nineteen.

The next morning was a day I'd never forget. Anakin had told Captain Tarkin to set course for Yavins system. I knew that planet was going to be destroyed and it was all my fault. Over the night Anakin had finally combined our room, we finally shared a bed permanently. That was one thing I was happy about.

I woke up, the sound of Anakin's heartbeat filling my ears. My tired eyes opened and immediately outside the window I could see Yavin. The good part of me was screaming for this to stop, for me to come back into the light. I wanted to, but when Anakin's hands started rubbing my back I couldn't help but melt into him.

"You're troubled, what's wrong my love?" Anakin whispered, his raspy morning voice making me smile. I turned my head up to look at him, he was glancing down at me, the same expression on his face.

I sighed. "Part of me wants us to not destroy the rebels because all of my friends are there, Bail, Obi-wan, and so many others. But the other part of me wants to stay here with you forever. It's tearing me apart Anakin."

Anakin's smile faded for a second. He must've been hurt by my words, but I needed to say them. Honesty was something we needed to be strong in our relationship now. The deal was no more lies. One of his hands found its spot on my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin.

"I feel that way too sometimes, only when I'm with you. We belong to the dark side Padmé and if you're wanting to be with me that's where you must stay." He said, his voice harder than before. I looked down before slowly nodding my head.

It was hard, having to choose the wrong side just for one person. But I knew my heart could only ever belong to Anakin and I'd do anything to keep it with him. I thought of all the moments we spent together on Naboo, all those sweet romantic times. Staying with Anakin would mean having those anytime I wanted.

I also thought of other people such as Mom. She'd hate me for what I'm doing, and Dad would be livid. He was the one who hated when I decided to continue my work as Senator. Then my mind traveled to sweet Sola and her two little girls. My heart hurt at the thought of them thinking of me as a bad person. My family wouldn't accept me in the dark, I wouldn't either if I was them.

"Please don't fuss over it darling, you've already made your choice. I mean you're here with me now and not on that moon. Your place is with me." Anakin broke my thoughts. Our eyes met again and I saw the shimmering sweet blue I loved, only this time tiny specs of gold were inside. Part of his words were spoken by Vader.

"I know but-"

"No." Gold drowned out the blue. "You're here with me and that's where you'll stay. You love me and I love you, that's all we need. Now enough of this we'll have to get out of here soon."

I silently nodded, not wanting to start a fight so early in the morning. Anakin sighed and I could see the gold leaving his eyes before I turned away from him to get up. With my back facing him I slipped out of our bed and pulled on my robe before getting up and walking towards the bathroom, not looking back at my husband once.

After making sure the door was locked I immediately felt the sadness taking over. I hugged my body, my arms wrapping around my stomach as I slid to the floor. I thought being with Anakin was the right choice, that part of me still did think that but in this moment it didn't feel right. Seeing his eyes fill with that golden hatred made me sick to the stomach.

Tears slipped down my face and I hugged my knees into my chest, crying into them. It had barely been a whole day back with him and I was already in pain. Did I make the right choice? Should we even be together? Would my whole life be filled with this pain? If this was true love then it was something I did not want.

Knocks on the door startled me, my head snapping up and looking at the door. Luckily I wasn't leaning on it this time, I was on the other side of his bathroom.