Adoring Your Soul

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

Definitions of Love

I have so many reasons to hate Him. I have many reasons to not believe in love. My parents died because of love. If love truly exists, they could have been alive until now.

That strange feeling of being pulled into the past is something I'm familiar with. A weird smell grips my spirit as I approach the foyer of our mansion, which I can only sense momentarily or weakly. That same day, I learned that both of my parents had committed suicide. They would be here if only love existed: I would never doubt my own existence or God's existence on His own if love exists. I know there are many reasons to believe in Him, but there are equally as many reasons not to believe... to simply ignore Him.

If love truly exists, Nathan will understand me. He thinks I'm being vicarious... and he's skeptical of my plans and decisions; and he's willing to smear my name.... He is ready to destroy me, just to stop me doing this job, but I will never let him.

I'll stand still with my own outlook on life. I'll never be shaken.

Love is not always enough; love isn't enough to save someone who's suffering. Love isn't enough to save someone from death, debt, doubt, rage, and many more. They say humans were made out of love, but I think they are wrong. If love was made solely to love someone, then why is this world suffering?

If love is enough, why are we being punished and tortured knowing that we are sinners, bound to commit sins? Why are we being punished for something natural to us, humans? Why do we need to regret the sins that we have committed? He knows that they will fail, so why does He let us live?

There are so many questions in life that cannot and will never be answered. You will just let it be because they were made in that way. There are questions that are frequently asked but never answered, because that's their work in this world, to confuse humans until they become indifferent.

Nate shouldn't be here. Kailangan ko siyang mapaalis.

"Ready?"

I look at him. He is smiling while holding out his hands towards me. Nag-usap na kami at nagkalinawan. He believes I'm homesick, therefore he'll take me to Palmos Place. I'm not familiar with the places in Nasugbu. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung Nasugbu pa ang Palmos na 'yon. Baka kagaya ng dati, nasa labas ulit ng Nasugbu ang Palmos na 'yon.

"Ready. Perlita, did you prepare the things that I handed to you?"

"Opo, Miss, Lohana!" Tumango siya at itinuro ang mga pagkaing ipinahanda ko.

I nodded and looked upstairs. Tita Alicia is walking towards us. Nakataas ang kilay habang sinisiyasat ang pagkaing ipinahanda ko.

"Remove the sweets," she said, still looking at the picnic basket.

"It doesn't contain sweets, Ma'—Tita,"I said and looked away.

When Archer wasn't paying attention, she rolled her eyes at me.

"Good. Take care, Hijo," baling niya sa kanyang anak.

I sighed. Then Archer held my hand. Nagulat ako kaya naman nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

"We'll come back after sunrise. I'll just orient Perlita after we cross the bridge," ani Archer at tuluyan nang tinalikuran ang ina.

Does he know that his mother is a bit strict with me? O ganoon din si Tita Alicia sa dati niyang fiancés?

"How far is it?"

"Fifty-four minutes."

"Why did you only have two fiancés?" I shifted the topic.