Adoring Your Soul

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19

Scared

I couldn't sleep last night. Nasa kotse ang cell phone ko kaya naman hindi ko na nakita kung anong oras ba ako nakatulog. We just talked, ate, and went to bed after that. Magkahiwalay ang kama namin ni Archer ngunit magkasama sa iisang kuwarto. Sinabihan ko na siya na dalawang kuwarto na ang kunin ngunit sumingit ang matanda at sinabing magsama na kami sa iisang kuwarto. Besides, she said that if we paid for our stay here, we would be stepping on her ego. Ako na ang nahiya sa pananatiling walang bayad kaya naman pumayag na ako na magsama kami. I was awake while he was sleeping. Mas hindi ako nakatulog dahil sa presensya niya. Magkaiba man ng kama, maliit naman ang distansya sa isa't isa.

I'm not sure why I'm contradicting myself. I'm beginning to believe in love. How powerful it is, and how it can carry people into the realm of fairy tales. Ayaw kong biguin si Nathan. Alam niya kung bakit at paano ko pinagdudahan ang kayang gawin ng pag-ibig. Hindi man alam ang nangyari kay mommy at daddy, alam niyang iyon ang dahilan. He thinks I'll never fall in love with anyone. He never doubted me until I told him I was heading to Nasugbu. Sinabi niyang ipangako kong hindi ako magkakagusto sa Mercedes na pupuntahan ko. Although I didn't promise anything to him, I feel like I have to. At kung ngayon man mangangako, alam kong mapapako na dahil ang sarili kong paniniwala ay nawawala na.

I hated Archer when we first met. He is a toxic human being that I am allergic to. Halos maiyak ako dahil sa ugaling taglay niya. I don't want to be owned by a man like him. I don't want to be controlled by someone like him. But as time passed, our intimacy flourished. I realized that we're both concealing a deep resentment against  the world. At dahil doon, naiintindihan ko siya.

Gayunpaman, hindi ko kakalimutan kung bakit ako pumunta rito. I'll let my friend spend my money. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ko tinanggap ito. If she wants to live like a princess, I'll allow her. Tapos na ako sa ganoong pamumuhay at matagal nang tinanggap na hindi na mababalik ang dati.

I woke up without him beside me. I glanced at the wall clock and it was only seven in the morning. Nang makalabas ng villa, si Lola Retina ang sumalubong sa akin, ang matanda. Kinakausap ang kanyang apo na si Tina, pinagtitimpla ng kape na para sa akin.

Tina smiled. I smiled back. She doesn't look like a teenager, she looks like an adult. Not young-adult, but adult. She has tanned skin, at medyo matangkad rin sa akin.

"Your fiancé is outside. Nagpapahangin yata, Hija. May kinausap lang tungkol sa farm. Si Hercules yata ang kausap," anito at inabot ang kape. Tumango ako at nagtungo na sa pintuan. Bago lumabas, muli kong nilingon si Tina.

She smiled and nodded.

Seemed nice.

"Salamat po." I point out the coffee.

Tuluyan na akong lumabas at inisip ang sinabi ni Lola Retina. Hercules. Narinig ko na iyon noong nasa mansion kami. Tito raw nina Archer. If that is so, is he one of Tito Aquil's brothers? Balita ko ay marami silang Mercedes at puro lalaki. Most of them were staying at Isla de Merced. Tama lamang na malaki ang isla na iyon dahil malaking pamilya sila. I bet there are tons of people who would want to kill me after this job.

Muli kong sinuyod ang kahabaan ng hardin. The flowers were like painted in vibrant colors. As if they were rendered on the wall. It wafts the sense of a balmy summer in the wind as I go around the garden. The beautiful scent of roses takes me back to my childhood, when I was still living in our mansion, and it makes me nostalgic. It has a scent that is both nostalgic and exciting. I can't get over it, that I have to close my eyes to feel the joy that this garden gives me.

I only opened my eyes when I heard the birds chirping. They are almost chirping in my ears. I smiled when I saw them almost hugging each other.

This place brings paradise into my soul, entangles it with its enticing details. This scenery creates such idyllic settings.