Until the Stars Fade

Chapter 42

The weeks drag by back at home and I'm just going through the motions of my life. I miss Asher. We're doing the same thing we've doing for months, but after spending the weekend with him, being apart from him is harder this time. I feel like there is a deadline looming over us, and that deadline is my graduation.

Asher has never brought up the idea of me moving to California, but it seems like the obvious solution to our long-distance relationship. The only issue is I don't want to move across the country. I love Jacksonville, Gogo is here, my friends are here. I love Asher, but I'm not sure I'm ready to move across the country, but I know it's something I'm going to need to consider.

Both our schedules are extremely busy as graduation nears. Asher has wrapped his filming for the season and they are doing a bunch of press junkets and he's been on all the morning and late-night shows. I'm finishing a project for Five Points and wrapping up the last assignments for my classes. A week before graduation, Andie calls me into her office before I head home for the day. She gives me some feedback on some designs I submitted and then tells me how impressed she and all the partners have been with my work.

"So, tell me Kinsley, what are your plans after graduation?" She takes off her glasses and rest her elbows on the desk, looking over at me.

"I'm not really sure exactly," I tell her. I never talk to anyone outside my closest circle of friends about Asher, given who he is, so I don't tell Andie there is a small part of me thinking about moving across the country, even though Asher's never even brought it up.

"Well, everyone in the firm believes you have done an amazing job here during your internship. Honestly, we weren't sure what to expect given your graphic design background, but you have far exceeded our expectations. And, with all that in mind, we would like to offer you a permanent position here at Five Points Design!" Her smile is wide and warm. I'm totally shocked. This is, of course, my dream, but I never imagined it actually coming true.

"Oh my gosh! That's amazing, thank you so much," I gush at her. "I don't know what to say, I'm shocked!"

She laughs warmly at my surprise. "You shouldn't be surprised, we'd be fools not to bring you onto the team. Look, I know it's a lot to think about and you have graduation in a week. Take some time to think about it and let us know after graduation, no rush. Next week is your last week here as an intern, so finish up your projects and then hopefully you'll be building your own client base not long after."

"Wow. Really Andie, thank you so much." She hands me a packet of information including an official offer letter and information about benefits to review. As soon as I walk outside, I call Asher.

"Hey babe, how was your day," he asks when he picks up.

"OH MY GOD!!! Asher, they offered me a job! Five Points offered me a permanent position. Can you believe it?" I'm talking a hundred miles a minute not even letting him get a word in.

"Wow, Kins, that's awesome. Congratulations." There isn't much excitement in his voice though.

"Andie told me I didn't have to decide until after graduation, but it's an amazing opportunity. They are the one of the biggest design firms in the entire region."

"Hey, I can't wait to hear more about it, but I'm getting called back to set. I have to go. I'll be there next weekend for graduation so you can tell me all about it then. Love you."

"Love you too, bye!" I hang up and practically float all the way home. I call everyone I know to deliver the good news but I can't help but hear Asher's lack of enthusiasm over and over in my head.

My last week of college is over in a flash and my friends and I all prepare for graduation, picking up our caps and gowns and tickets for our family members. My parents called to say they couldn't make it to the ceremony but they were very proud of me, I couldn't roll my eyes back far enough if I tried. Gogo and Asher will both be there and that's all that matters. Asher had to catch a redeye flight and got in hours before the ceremony, so I won't actually see him until afterwards. He arranged to pick up Gogo and escort her and I know she's happy to be able to spend some time with him alone.

After the ceremony where my classmates and I have all thrown our caps in the air, I find Gogo and Asher and am greeted with hugs and kisses. I'm overwhelmed by their love and feel so lucky to have them both in my life. My friends and our families all pitched in and rented out The Library for the entire night, so we all head there for dinner and drinks. It's the perfect end to my college career, surrounded by all the people I love the most in the world. At the end of a very long day, Asher and I walk home to my apartment.

Once we're both changed into pajamas, we climb into bed and I lay my head on his chest.

"Thank you so much for being here today," I tell him. "It really means a lot to me."

"Are you kidding me? You just graduated from college, I wouldn't have missed this for anything. This is a huge accomplishment. I'm so proud of you." He kisses the top of my head and strokes my hair. "Kins, have you ever considered what happens next? Where do you go from here?"

I know what he's asking, even though he isn't coming right out and saying it. "Asher, if you're asking me if I've considered moving to California, the answer would be yes. I've considered it, but I just don't know if I'm ready to move my whole life across the country. My life is here, in Jacksonville, and now I have my dream job waiting for me. I'm torn. I love you and want to be with you, I don't know what to do."

He tilts my chin so I'm looking up at him. "There is nothing I would love more than for you to move to LA and live with me. I hate being this far away from you. A weekend here or there isn't enough for me. I want to wake up with you every day. You're it for me Kinsley, but I can't move right now. I have a contract and I can't walk away from that without damaging my entire career."

"Asher, I would never ask you to do that. I know you have to stay in LA. I just don't know if I'm ready to stay there too. I don't want to regret not following my dream here and end up resenting you. None of this is easy." He leans down and kisses me sweetly.

"We don't have to decide anything tonight babe. Let's just enjoy your accomplishment and the fact that, right now, we're together in the same city." So that's exactly what we do.

Asher flies back home the next day and promises me we will figure everything out. I want to believe him, but I just don't see how we both follow our dreams and end up together. I request to meet with Andie so she can review in more detail the position I would be filling and I'm left feeling more confused than ever. The job is exactly what I've been dreaming of doing since I was a kid, it just happens to be across the country from the man I love. Do I sacrifice my dream for my relationship?

After much deliberation and talking it over with Gogo, I decide to accept the position at Five Points Design. I second guess myself a hundred times, but Gogo has assured me that once I get in the job, if I'm not happy, I can always make a change. When I break the news to Asher, I know he's beyond disappointed but he tries to sound excited for me. He repeatedly says everything will be fine and then mumbles some excuse to get off the phone. When I put down the phone, I break down and sob, wondering if I haven't made the biggest mistake of my life.