Angel's Diary

Chapter 15: December 25, 2014

"So.. what's up with you and mister Mysterio?" Alana, my cousin asked me as we all sat down in the living room. Every year we would gather in the living room and reminisce the past year for every member of the family. right now it was my turn in telling my entire family my year. I've told them about the bumps along the way, they know about the Jack thing so none of them brought that up, and how I was doing in Canada but I kinda left out the fact that I have this massive crush on my best friend.

Everyone's eyes were on me. Everybody's been curious about who I was talking to in the morning. I guess I can't blame them because I may or may not have been suddenly disappearing now and then. My parents just told them that it's a friend back home but I'm sold on the fact that they don't think that it's 'just' a friend and I have a feeling that my parents think the same.

"Mister Mysterio?" I asked pretending I didn't know what she was talking about. "The guy that you've been talking to on the phone," she told me. I could feel everyone's gaze at me. I raised an eyebrow at Alana "How do you even know it's a guy? You know it could be a girl" I said, making someone snort. "Honey, we know it's a guy. Why else would you sneak out to the backyard just to talk to your friend?" Carl, my other cousin who happens to be gay, stated making the others agree.

"Because I value my privacy?" I said making it sound like a question instead of a statement.

They all chuckled at me causing me to blush "Angel, dear, you don't have to hide, we know you like this guy" my aunt Joanna told me. my eyes widened and immediately shook my head "No I don't! we're just friends!" I exclaimed

"Sure, really good friends," my mother said emphasizing the word 'good'. I rolled my eyes "Logan's just a friend, I swear!" I whined earning a few laughs. "Ohh so he's name is Logan '' Alana smirked. I groaned and decided to just shut up as my relatives give out their advice and opinions about a guy they don't even know. I just blocked their voices out but when my dad said something my head snapped towards him and shut everyone up.

"Is Jack the reason why you don't want to admit that you like Logan?" my father asked me, just out of the blue. I stared at him in shock. I didn't know what to say. because even I didn't know the answer. Is Jack the reason why I couldn't tell Logan how I feel? Was I somehow protecting myself, all along? "i-i don't k-know" I stuttered in a whisper.

I felt a hand on my shoulder making me face the person. My mother looked at me and gave me a small smile. "Tell us what's on your mind, dear," mum told me. I looked around the room and everyone was watching us. they nodded, encouraging me to open up. I shakily sighed and opened my mouth

"I honestly don't know. because I know that I liked Logan. And not just as a friend, it's something more. I'm aware of that. I was planning to tell him what I feel towards him for a few weeks now but every time I had the chance, I would chicken out. I thought that I just didn't have the guts, and I was just a total wimp but when dad asked me if Jack was the reason why I couldn't tell him, it made me think about it." I started to tear up and looked up to the ceiling.

"I just couldn't remove Jack from my mind. it's like his shadow is following me around. I know I shouldn't let it eat me up but it just stays there. I truly loved Jack, you know" I paused and wiped my eyes. I looked back down on the ground and continued.

"I can't forgive myself for what had happened. I should've told you, mum, where I was going. I should've listened to you, dad, when you told me that something about Jack wasn't right. because I can't help but think about scenarios about that day I could've done differently. I just hate myself for it. I feel so filthy. it's like there's a stain and I couldn't wash it off. I tried to forget about it, but I can't. I mean, I'm just sick of the looks that people keep on giving me, even from you guys. I didn't want to deal with it all, but when I'm with Logan, I forget about all of my problems. He has helped me a lot these past few months. and if I'm being honest, I think I tried to push my feelings away because I didn't want to get hurt like the way I got hurt by Jack. I'm scared that it will happen again." I sobbed into my hands.

I felt someone hug me and it was silent as I sniffled. "Honey, it's ok to be scared. but you should know that not everyone will hurt you" Aunt Joanna told me. "Yeah, I mean, Jack was a complete jackass given his name, but from what I could tell from your conversations with Logan, he is different from Jack. he is much better than him in every single way" Alana said making me look up at her

"You eavesdropped on us?" I exclaimed in shock causing the others to laugh. she sheepishly smiled. "Angel, I could tell that you like this boy. So I'm telling you this right now, don't wait for the time where he wouldn't be there anymore. He's a very good looking guy, and he's bound to fancy a girl sooner or later. so you better tell him how you feel before it's too late" Dad told me. I smiled at him and wiped the tears out of my eyes. I stood up and hugged him. the others cooed at us making me giggle.

After a few more moments of talking about our year, my phone started to ring. I pulled it out and it was Logan. I excused myself as Carl and Alana teased me. I went out to the backyard where I usually talk to him. I answered the call and put the phone against my ear.

"Hello?"

"Merry Christmas, Angel" I smiled when I heard his voice

"Merry Christmas to you too"

"Sorry it had to take me 5 hours from our usual time before I called"

"It's fine, we were pretty busy the whole day so you calling right now is ok. besides I'm pretty sure you were busy spending time with your family, I mean it is Christmas"

"Yeah. We decided to bake some cookies because Sam wanted to, but we ended up trashing the whole kitchen. then we cleaned it up and opened up some presents." I laughed

"Wow, you Russets must love getting in trouble" I teased.

"Well, it's a family tradition really" he chuckled. "You know I have something here for you, but considering we're in completely different locations, I couldn't give it to you," he told me

"Funny, because I got something for you too," I said. it was true, I bought everyone dog tags and engraved their names on it including a symbol that describes each of them but Logan's was a little bit different. it wasn't a dog tag but it was a little silver circular keychain with 8.25.14 engraved on it because it was the day that our paths crossed.

"Really? What is it?" he asked making me roll my eyes

"I'm not telling you. Unless you tell me what mine is"

"No way. guess we have to wait and see" he said. it was silent for a moment, it wasn't awkward but comfortable.

"Hey, Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you" I blurted out. He didn't answer. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"Oh sorry!"

"Whatever, forget that I said that" I quickly said making him chuckle

"No no no! it's okay, I was just surprised. I miss you too" I could hear that he was smiling. I felt my cheeks warm-up and I'm grateful that he couldn't see me because he would tease me.

"I couldn't wait to see you again," he told me, making my heart flutter. Damn it what are you doing to me, Logan! I placed my vacant hand on my head and looked up to the sky trying to keep in my squeals.

"Yeah, me too. who would have thought right?" I said laughing a bit. He laughed too and it just made it hard for me to keep calm. I squatted down onto the grass and decided to lean back on the giant tree. I bit the nail on my thumb. I'm gonna tell him. right here, right now.

"So how-" I quickly cut him off by saying

"I like you"