~Mariya.
It feels suffocating breathing the same air as him right now. The last thing I want to do is fight with him in this bloody car and end our own lives because I simply can't control my emotions. Of course, I won't have to cry either. The back of my eyes begin to sting with tears as memories from that day came to mind. How his face was emotionless when he asked if we did anything.
He swore. He did swear to me that morning. I won't forgive myself if I did anything to you. Did he think about his lie before saying those? Did he even think about how I felt that morning? Definitely not.
His two hands are on the steering wheel and his attention is on the road as he takes the last curve leading to our apartment complex. His lips are clamped together in a tight line and his fingers drum on the leather covering on the steering wheel, letting small rhythmic sounds fill a quarter of the silence.
I breathe slowly as I try to focus on doing my best to not freak out now. Over the years, I've perfected my acting skill of proving nothing is wrong when deep down, everything had been crumpled. It just hurts to realise I've been fooled. For eleven weeks. How sweet is that? He did lie to me every single day. How sweet is that too? Did he even feel guilty?
A wave of excitement wash over me as our apartment block comes in full view. I've never been so excited to get out of his Jeep before and I never realized how good it was to not breathe the same toxic air as the person you wish to loathe all your life.
The moment he parks his car in the parking space allotted to him, I unlock the door in a rush and take in deep gusts of air to fill my raging lungs, anger bustling inside me. I rub my eyes in an attempt to push back the tears but the back of my hand is only covered with tears.
I overlooked the fact that he kept being a Clarendon from me because he wasn't proud to be his father's son anymore but why did he have to lie about something that concerned me? Why? Didn't I matter for even a second? Maybe I don't.
I'm frozen in my spot as I hear his footsteps getting closer to me. One thing about love is you find the positive in everything no matter the instance. What positive is in lying to me? Hurt me? Of course. My heart is made of stone that I won't understand why he lied. He isn't my ride or die its funny how I thought he was.
The sound of the gravels rustling beneath his feet as he ambles towards me sounds similar to my heart crushing as he gets closer.
"Say something, Daisy. Your silence is killing me.", he pleads in a shaky tone and I notice the tears in his eyes. No fake tears to buy my forgiveness, lover boy. I scoff and I feel his fingers come closer to my face, grabbing my chin and tilting it to meet his teary eyes. His mint and chamomile scent captivating me as I'm still rooted in my spot.
His fingers go on to caress my cheeks and I find my fifth sense. My sense of defence. My body unfreezes as I push his hand away and run away from him towards the stairs. The more I go up, the more my knees try to give up on me but I don't give up. The sound of his heavy footsteps come after me, giving me more energy to run away from him. I fumble with the door and it opens. Making my way into the room, I fall onto the couch, trying to maintain my balance and take slow steady breaths.
"You can't kill me with your silence, Daisy!!", his hoarse voice growling from the doorway and my breath hitches. Was I supposed to say something? Need I say more? I thought I'd you loved someone you get a sense of telepathy? Figure out what they think or something? I feel the need to laugh but I hold it back for a second but it comes out my mouth like a dry humourless laugh.
"What do you suppose I say? That I love you for being a bloody liar? Or I love you that you placed me in a position where I couldn't walk in a straight line the next morning?", I scoff and another humourless laugh escapes my lips again at my joke. Of course.
"We need to talk about it but not like this, Daisy. You know it.", He pleads again with his forest green eyes staring at my every move.
I know this had to be talked about that's why I didn't chicken out and lock myself in my room. I can't hold the hurt he caused me inside me. Well, thanks to him, I wish I had never come into this apartment at all. Meeting his mum and causing misery in my life.
"You don't get to blame me because you decided to be so selfish and toss my chasteness away like it was trash. I should be afraid of you, Liam. Who knows, you might toss the baby's life away like it was a mistake. Oh, I forgot, it was a mistake."
I watch his eyes widen and anger starts to well up in them, hiding behind the silver lining of tears masking his eyes.
"Don't. Bring. The. Baby. Into. This issue.", He spits at me and stands up on his feet, glaring at me. Of course, I didn't know he had a sore spot. He didn't consider my emotion when he woke up the next day, did he? My own eyes start to fill with tears but I do my best to stay strong and face my fears. Face my nightmares.
"Why didn't you just tell me the truth just then? Doesn't your jerk instinct teach you the difference between jokes and seriousness? You just know how to hurt people just so well. You know how I felt when you swore that morning?"
" I was a coward, Daisy. It was all me. It was entirely me. Every time you're near, I just can't control myself. I succeed most of the time and think you deserve better when deep down, I wanted to be the one for you. That day, I lost it and kissed you. That was the nicest thing that had happened to me in a very long time but I didn't know what to tell you. Whether to apologise for it or tell you how much I wanted you. How much I wanted to be the one you talk to about your day and everything. I wanted to be the one you come home to. For an instance, I thought you didn't want me so I was so embarrassed to face you. Greg threw me out of his house and gave me the bravery talk before I came home the last time. I couldn't find the words when I came to meet you already asleep. I postponed the talk and I went for my dad's architecture fair. It didn't go well between us that night and I left with a bottle of vodka to drink away my hate for him. Arriving home, I couldn't face you since I was a disappointment to my family, myself, and even you. I had to act drunk to get away from facing you but I couldn't help myself when you got close. I became something else, you were sore and I couldn't help. Can you forgive me?", He explains and I let the tears break free from my eyes this time.
"You've ruined my life now, you're sorry for that one too?"
How is it?? Please tell me because I'm freaking out now. And vote if you like it. Thank you.
