~Mariya.
"Think about him one more time and I swear I'll give him the address straight to this room, Daisy. I promise you.", Chloe breathes and strokes my arm with her fingers repeatedly to burst me out of my small bubble.
"You're doing this for the baby. Fail this test and you lose your scholarship. It took a lot to get my dad to have you fill this online class forms, Mariya. It took a lot because I believe in you. You can do it for the baby and yourself. ", She reminds me and I nod, pushing back the thick layer of tears back.
Under the scholarship, I can't have my classes online and it took her a lot to convince her dad to give me a try. She lost a lot all because of me, I'm not going to disappoint her. To qualify, I need to pass a test and if I lose the opportunity, it's either I lose my baby or I lose my scholarship to continue with my life. I can't afford to lose both either.
I take in a deep breath and draw the book closer to me, leaning against the wall with my legs crossed beneath me. Chloe had managed to get me a huge pile of books earlier and I'm eternally grateful for her help.
"I'm going to buy us breakfast. You better move from that page before I get back, Mariya. Don't answer the door, call Reign if you need anything.", Chloe orders and kiss me on my cheek before going out of the door.
I'm a coward. Leaving the apartment was the only option I could afford. Leaving when I didn't have a plan B, all I wanted was to not see his face again and all the embarrassment from Greg. I know he was expecting better from me and I failed him, but I need to be strong for my self and my baby.
"Baby mama!!", Reign calls loudly from her room and I know I have to stop thinking about him otherwise, she's going to make me. I sigh and focus on my book, ignoring her call. The last thing I want to do is fail this test.
I'm doing this for you, baby. You don't need your father, I'm going to be everything you need to take it easy on me and not wear me out. I whisper silently while running my hand on my thirteen weeks old bump.
"We're going baby shopping in two hours. Finish with your study session and come for breakfast, Chloe will be here soon.", Reign yells from the hallway and I chuckle.
The moment I stepped out of the apartment, the only person I call is Chloe. She had always been my back up plan, even though I barely open up to her. It took a lot of convincing for her parents to allow her to come live with her distant cousin, Reign.
Reign hasn't typically been the good influence but she's a nice person. Her personality seems intimidating but she thinks putting up a good hard front won't make people make a fool out of you.
The rest of the morning goes by slowly and soon, I'm done with my four-hour study session. I pick out a loose peplum top to match my skinny jeans and a thin scarf. Running my fingers through my hair, I sling my bag across my shoulder and take a deep breath before stepping out of the room.
"Took you long enough. We're going to make you forget that jerkface as soon as we step into the Baby zone.", Chloe chimes and loops her arm around mine. If only he was with us, it'd have been better. I sigh and plaster a small smile on my face, walking out of the hall with Chloe happily clinging off my arm.
"I'll be going to the bar after shopping so Baby mama, you'll continue with your study session, Chloe you're gonna make sure of it. Good grades mean we're keeping the baby, don't forget.", Reign lectures as she drives onto the main road. I reply with a quick nod and turn my head towards the open window staring at everything we pass.
I think about him more than I should and it's starting to become worrisome. Reign had been trying to get me out of my shell but I also wish it was easy. It's funny how his absence still has an impact on my life. I'm not expecting all the feelings to go away because no matter how much it hurt, I don't regret anything. Saying hurtful things when I argued with him wasn't the right thing and I know he deserves an apology. He could've also done something as easy as telling the truth.
Air from outside hit my face and I allow my emotion to flow with the wind as our car pass by in a slow rush. I lower my hand to my tummy and rub it slowly, expecting a reaction but it brings more tears to my eyes. Can I live my life without him as it has become the new normal?
Love is not enough and I'm afraid it's all we have. No matter how much of a jerk he was, some parts still wish to apologise to him and settle things but he lied to me. He lied. He freaking lied.
I bend my head more comfortably on the leather seat, staring at the ceiling even though my eyes are blurry with tears clouding them. I don't hold them back as I allow them to flow down my face into my hair. I try shutting my eyes for a second and straighten my position, wearing my fake smile to fool Reign even though she isnt taking any.
"You're going to forget all your memories and wish you have your baby now.", Reign squeals in delight and swipes her credit card in my face with a wide grin on her face. "Anything for my goddaughter.", She adds with another smile and grabs my hand, pulling me into the large Baby zone.
"I'm the only godmother", Chloe pouts and I chuckle with a thin smile following it. A genuine smile for the first time in a while.
"Do we split?", Reign asks me and I shrug, looking around the over colourful room. The room is larger than thrice of my apartment with lots of shelves dividing the place into small parts. There's a section for everything. The plain white walls are littered with small black polka dots and everything else is white.
"You get clothes, I'll get a couple of things for the hospital and Daisy, you get feeding equipment.", Chloe blurts excitedly and kisses our cheeks briefly before sprinting towards the Mummies section.
"See you in a few Baby mama. All bills on me.", Reign winks at me and I nod, offering her an appreciative smile before watching her figure diminish in a few seconds.
For the past nine days, she had been kind to me and makes sure I don't waste my time on unnecessary things, leaving me the whole time to decide whether going back to him is good. She hasn't sacked me, at least not yet but I know she wishes we did this is Liam around.
I spin on my heels and take slow steps towards the feeding section. Only thirteen weeks and the love is just suffocating. I smile at the small bag holding different sizes of feeding bottles. A whole box of pacifiers is arranged on a shelf along with small baby cutlery and lots of things I'm not used to. Did Maeve buy me all this when I was little? Did she?
What do you think? Please vote.
