Loving yourself is hard. Trying to find love in a family who objectified you? Seems like work. But try finding love in someone as a hopeless romantic too.
• • •
Smart, nerdy, pretty, and kind are all the words she's gotten used to. Being a Junior in...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Monday came along like a train on a stop but I didn't find Matteo anywhere. I got worried of course. Besides us not having any way of contacting each other and us not having any labels, anything we do will be like a recipe for disaster.
Sure it made me happy, I couldn't stop thinking about it late at night or while I'm in the shower. I kept repeating it in my head like a broken record; reliving his delicate lips on mine. I kept picturing the scene and how beautiful it was. But none of that can erase doubts about us. Not that there was an 'us' to begin with.
I've already had one awkward conversation with Henry today because Danica told him about me disappearing with Matteo. The least to say, he wasn't very pleased. I watched doubt etch on his face the moment I mentioned Matteo.
The rest of the week drove by and still none of Matteo. By today, a beautiful Thursday morning, I was worried like I never have been. I've been chewing on my lips and picking on my nails the moment I didn't see Matteo in music class. I didn't know what had happened to him and I guess I part of me didn't want to know.
Walking to my car, I frown seeing Cade rush to his so I call his name and thank the heavens he caught me.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, noticing his almost distressed eyes, feeling a pit in my stomach somehow.
"No, uh." he rubbed the back of his head, heaving almost as though he's been running, "there's a problem at the house-look I really need to run, I'm so sorry. I'll catch up with you later."
With that, he heads to his car with concern and anger in his eyes. I step away as he drove away, looking at me with apologetic eyes. Then, off to the other cars I found other members of the frat running to their cars with their girlfriends as if something had gone to hell. I watched all of them as I entered my car with concern. I frowned and sighed, slumping in my seat wracking my brain for anything but all I can think of is Matteo.
Distracting me from my thoughts, I hear my phone vibrate in my bag. Reading the message, I am reminded by Henry that we have rehearsals today. I cringed and threw my phone into the backseat.
If my mind is right then Matteo could be in some kind of trouble that he shouldn't be in. Knowing him, he may not even be worried about it; I am.
I'm thinking now that it's right for me to question this whole rush of things. Sure I knew what I was getting myself into when I kissed him but that was the first thing I ever did that I knew was wrong but felt so right. If all else fail then I guess I saw it coming didn't I? It wouldn't be bad.
Besides, I've got three voicemails from my mother; how worse can it get?
Coming down to a verdict I turn the engine on and drove away, forgetting all rehearsals and schoolwork for a moment. I grip the wheel like a gun and sped off. I tried not to panic but I couldn't help it when I have thousands of thoughts of what might be wrong. I can almost see it unfolding.
