One Smile Please

Chapter Thirty Three

One Smile Please

Chapter Thirty Three:

"Do you want me to come with you?" Mark asked. We were in his car, outside the graveyard. Last night I hadn't been able to sleep. Cameron's words haunted me. And nightmares had once again plagued me.

'You just couldn't get over that dead boyfriend of yours...'

Tyler. My first love. Cameron had said that I couldn't get over him. But I had. I had gotten over Tyler. And that felt wrong. So, so wrong. We had promised each other to never forget one another, like me and Simon had promised to never leave each other. But for some reason, lately a lot of promises were breaking. And I wasn't going to let this one break. Which was why I was here. The one place in the whole world which I despised so much so that I'd never been here before. I had refused to go to the funeral and burial of all the people I had lost. I hated this place. All it reminded you of was the people you lose. The people others had lost.

I shake my head. "I've got to do this myself." I take a deep breath and get out the car. It's raining, so I use the umbrella that Mark has given me. But I walk as slowly as I possibly could. I was still wearing my pj's as I hadn't been home yet, which meant that the cold ate at my bare skin. Mark had tried to give me his jumpers but I just refused them.

When I finally found his grave I decided to sit in front of it. And I sat there for god knows how long.

"I miss you Tyler. I miss you a lot." I finally say. "Sorry I didn't bring any flowers... I know how much they used to piss you off, I promise I'll bring them next time. Yup next time because I've decided I'm going to do this regularly now. You know I may even go back home... Old home, and see my parents. Wondering why I'm doing this all of a sudden? I don't know... I guess I feel alone, you know? I'm sorry, Ty, I have never done this before so I'm sorry if it's a bit awkward." It was silent again for a while. "Simon and Jen are moving to the US by the way... I kind of exploded on them yesterday, but I'm happy for them. Oh they're finally together too! Remember how much we used to ship them? We even had a ship name for them... What was it again? Senny?" I laugh a little. "Now that I think about it, it sounds so stupid..." I pause again. "I know, you're worried about Jenny but you knew Simon too, and you know he'll take good care of her. Our OTP is finally canon dude! So stop being such a spoil sport. Talking about OTPs, Roary and Amy got married. And then died. I remember how you use to secretly ship them. You'd try hiding it, but come on Ty, you could never hide anything from me." I talked like that for about an hour. Pointless, aimless nonsense. Just reliving the past. Which was dangerous for me because, I had a habit of holding on to it a little too tight. After I felt fulfilled, I decided to leave. I'd made Mark wait a little too long I guess. I got up and seriously felt a whole lot better. I wasn't expecting that from this visit. I smiled softly. And then started walking away. For the first time in a while. A long, long while, I didn't hurt that much.

As I was trudging my way past all the graves though, someone else caught my eye. This guy. He was sitting next to a grave, much like I had been. There was a bouquet of some roses, one of each colour. The guy seemed to be crying. Not just silent tears, because from this far I wouldn't have been able to see them. But I knew because of how his shoulders were moving. Because of how he was heaving. I had never seen a guy so broken before.

I started to move away and give him his privacy, but that's when he turned. The guy. It was Cameron. Wondering how I could tell that from this far? I just could.

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After seeing Cameron at the graveyard, I literally turned and ran. I found Mark asleep in the car, so let him wake up on his own accord. I'd bothered him enough. Him waking up in itself took another hour but when he awoke he insisted that I should go back home, so I could apologise to my friends. I wanted to, I really did but I didn't know how to face them. Mark dropped me off and it was raining so I had to run to get to the door. I turn around and wave a quick bye to Mark.