Their shared suffering - ELU

Frustration

"Poison flows through my body.
Fingertips are ice cold.
You know I'm a suicide.
There is no stop in my world.

The poison turns into tears.
They're pouring out.
You know I'm a suicide.
I look look look look into the barrel."

Lucas woke up with a tiny headache.
He groaned, getting up to take an Advil to relieve the pressure of his pounding headache.
Today was Wednesday, Lucas' least favorite day of the week right after Monday.
On Wednesday he didn't have regular classes, but two individual classes.
The first four periods of the day consisted of learning about how to take care of living arrangements, bills, money, and so on.
And the last four periods of the day consisted of English classes, where they talked about human rights in preparation for their oral exams.

After taking a cold shower, Lucas got ready for school.
Eliott had Uni classes for the first half of the day, and after noon he'd go to work until 6. Therefore he was getting ready for Uni now.
"Baby, when's your therapy appointment again?", Lucas asked.
"Uhh, at 7, for forty-five minutes", Eliott answered in between brushing his teeth.

Lucas went up on his toes to press a kiss on Eliott's cheek.
"Have a good day at Uni, love. You're smart, you know lots of complicated biology stuff and I'm proud of everything you do. And remember, when you feel like it's too much, take a step back, breathe and try again", Lucas said while looking deeply into Eliott's eyes.
"And you remember to not let the stress get to you. To take a breath and not worry too much. You're strong, my love, and everything will be alright", Eliott told Lucas, who smiled softly.
"Je t'aime, remember", he whispered before connecting their lips.
"Je t'aime", Lucas replied.

At school, Lucas did what he usually did - minding his own business.
He talked to Yann and the rest of his friends, whom he had been neglecting a bit. But now he tried putting himself more out there, proving to his teachers that nothing was wrong.
But that wasn't true, of course. His friends had noticed that Lucas wasn't fine at all.

"Lu Lu, tell me, is everything okay between you and Eliott or why are you so stressed out lately? Is it school?", Arthur asked Lucas, who tried his best not to break down completely.
"Y-Yeah, it's school. I'm stressed out, the pressure is on now but I think I simply need some more time to adapt, that's all", Lucas answered, half truthful.
But it was Basile who was seeing right through him.
"Lucas, there's more, for sure. It's not just that, isn't it? It's not just stress from school and the pressure, there must be something else as well", Basile said whilst eyeing Lucas up and down.

Lucas squinted.
"Huh?", he asked, "What do you mean?"
"Oh come on now, Lucas. We've known you for quite some time now and we know how you act, what your antics are, and how your body reacts to stress, and what we're seeing currently is more than that", Basile went on, ignoring Lucas's upset facial expression.
"Ugh, it's- it's a lot, guys. Everything's fine between Eliott and me, but I think I'm just stressed and just need a break. Luckily the fall holidays are starting soon. But can we drop it now? I'm tired of it", Lucas replied.
And with that, his friends left him alone.

Back at home, Lucas went right back to bed.
He felt so exhausted, so drained.
His tired eyes wandered around the room and landed on his lower arms, which were exposed since he'd rolled up his sleeves while preparing things for dinner earlier.
His thoughts were racing and racing, it never seemed to end.
"Maybe if I try it out once, everything will get better and everything will stop", he muttered to himself, without actually saying out loud what he meant.

With slow steps, he walked to the bathroom, looking for a razor blade.
After finding one, he didn't waste much more time hesitating.
The harsh red against his slightly pale lower arms looked weird and Lucas felt sick.
He thought that it might distract him, but instead, he only had a new thing to worry about now.
With a sigh, he got to cleaning himself up.
Regret pooled into his stomach, and he feared that he might throw up.

As soon as he was back in bed, he started to cry.
Full-on ugly cry, snot, and everything.
He couldn't stop crying, the tears kept coming and coming.
And that's how Eliott found him.
"Mon Dieu, Lu Lu, what happened?", Eliott asked with worry in his voice.
"School. School happened and my friends know that something's up and I-I don't know what to do anymore. I-I feel hopeless", Lucas sobbed and Eliott grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand to wipe away Lucas' tears and snot.
"Let me put on my PJs and then I'll cuddle you and you can tell me everything that's on your mind", Eliott said while getting up, his legs were starting to hurt from squatting.

Once in Eliott's arms, Lucas broke down completely.
A new wave of tears was crushing right over his head as he told Eliott about his feelings, about how sad he felt, and how hopeless everything was.
Eliott started to cry at one point too, causing Lucas to cry even harder since he didn't want to make his boyfriend cry.
"I am so so sorry for making you cry, too", Lucas sobbed.
"No, you don't have to be", Eliott said between sniffles, "I get what you're saying and it's making me sad that you now feel the same way I've felt for years, too."
Lucas pressed his face even closer to Eliott's chest.
"I'm so frustrated about how little control I have over my life now. What if the school sends me to a clinic or something and what if they put me on medication there?", Lucas asked while taking ragged breaths, he was completely exhausted.
"I don't know, mon amour. I don't know what's going to happen. But know that I'll be right here, supporting you all the way through", Eliott said.

"I'm here for you as well, always. Don't you ever forget that, please", Lucas said, looking deeply into Eliott's eyes.
He wanted to get the message across.
His fear of Eliott putting himself behind to focus more on him was strong, and Lucas didn't want to give Eliott the feeling that he had to take care of him that much.
"I will never forget that my sweet, sweet Lucas", Eliott whispered, a single tear rolled down his cheek and Lucas wiped it away with his thumb.

"Do you have any news as to when and where the meeting is taking place?", Eliott asked after a while of silence.
Lucas nodded. "It's on Friday in my main classroom, where we have our lockers and stuff. And my dad has been informed today, he hasn't texted me about it yet though."
Eliott nodded, his fingers drawing small patterns onto Lucas' shoulder.

As he let his fingers trace over Lucas' upper arms and down to his lower arms, Lucas flinched.
He even tried to get out of Eliott's embrace, but Eliott wasn't letting go.
"What's wrong, love? Is the position uncomfortable? Should we sit up instead? What can I do?", Eliott asked confused.
"Nothing is wrong, but yeah let's sit up instead", he muttered and made a move to sit up.

Eliott sat up as well before hugging Lucas again, his fingers brushed against Lucas' lower arm and Eliott felt something warm there.
Before Lucas could pull his arm away, Eliott had already pushed up the sleeve and revealed the pieces of toilet paper, which were soaked in blood.
"Lucas, why?", was all that came out of Eliott's mouth as he started crying again.
"I felt so overwhelmed and so exhausted, I didn't know what to do! But it didn't help and I will never do it again!", Lucas exclaimed, voice panic-stricken.

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt if you started seeing a therapist as well, they could help you with teaching you good coping strategies instead of hurting yourself", Eliott said quietly, avoiding looking into Lucas' blue eyes.
Those blue eyes were full of pain, struggles, and fear.
"Yeah, maybe you're right", Lucas replied, he was too exhausted and too tired to argue how much he didn't need help and how he could fix whatever was going with him on his own.
"Let's talk more tomorrow when we're both more awake than we are right now", Eliott suggested and Lucas nodded weakly.

They went to the bathroom to brush their teeth and get ready for bed.
While drifting off to sleep, Lucas couldn't stop worrying about the meeting on Friday.
Hopefully, he wouldn't have to go to a clinic, away from his beloved home.

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[Word count: 1505 words]

Hopefully, this wasn't that hard to read.
I tried not to make it explicit and to be as vague as I could be about it.
Anyway, the song lyrics at the beginning are "Weiße Rosen", "White Roses", by Wavvyboi.
The fire alarm went off while I was writing this, but nothing happened and everything's fine now, I hope you liked it, k byee.