Their shared suffering - ELU

Strain

"They say this is medicine
But somehow it makes me sick
They say this is medicine, yeah
I'm addicted to the Bean, yeah
My friends aren't athletes, but they all ski, yeah
Medicine, yeah"

When Eliott woke up the next morning, he felt the opposite of great.
To be fair, the last night had been great, he had to cut Lucas some slack.
But now, he felt as if he hadn't slept in a month.

In the kitchen, he attempted to cook pancakes, which went better than he'd expected.
Two small ones for him and two small ones for Lucas, topped with blueberries.
He put them on Lucas's nightstand, waiting for him to wake up.

Lucas rolled over, his eyelids fluttered open. He wiped the palm of his hand over his face, blinking a few times before looking at Eliott. "Morning", he grunted, a sharp pain shot through his back.
"Morning. Maybe stretching would help", Eliott suggested before he started eating his pancakes.
Lucas whipped his head up. "You made pancakes?", he asked incredulously.
Eliott grinned. "Yeah, they're good."
Lucas hadn't even let him go near the stovetop ever since the PONI incident, which he wasn't quite over yet.

He shrugged and took a bite, the taste of the blueberries exploding on his tongue.
"Yup", Lucas stated, "They're good. A solid 10 out of 10."
Eliott grinned, but the fleeting moment of happiness was disturbed by the uncomfortable twinge in his stomach.
"Uhh, Lucas", Eliott said quietly, "There's something I've been thinking about for a little while now."
Lucas turned around towards him, setting his plate down on his knees.
"Okay, spit it out then."

Now or never.
"Not to criticize you or anything you've done for this relationship, this isn't supposed to sound ungrateful or anything, but our relationship feels a bit stale to me. It could be because we're busy all the time, but I wanted to hear your thoughts first before thinking too much about it", Eliott said, picking at his pancakes with his fork.

"What do you mean by thinking too much about it? That was quite a lot.
But yes, you're right about the 'we're busy all the time'-part. Maybe we should get better at balancing everything out equally", Lucas said after a while, staring down at his plate.
Eliott continued eating his pancakes before speaking again.
"It also feels strained, in a way. I don't know, maybe it's because we're both worn out, mentally speaking."

Lucas got up, he was already done with eating and put the dishes in the kitchen.
When he came back, he sat down on Eliott's lap, cupping his face.
"You're kind of right. I think if we weren't as stressed as we are currently, things would be easier. Is that what you mean?", he asked, his warm breath tickling Eliott's face.
"Nah, not really", Eliott whispered, it was so quiet that Lucas wasn't sure if his ears had picked it up correctly.
Eliott noticed Lucas' confused expression, of course, he let out a long sigh.

"Nah, I mean, it has something to do with us. I feel like I'm a burden and like I'm dragging you down. And sometimes, you feel so suffocating, at least when I'm depressed", Eliott tried to explain, but he could already see the tears form in Lucas' eyes.
"What do you mean by suffocating? Aren't we both putting a strain on our relationship? Or am I wrong?", Lucas asked, his facial features had already hardened and Eliott couldn't see a smooth way out of the situation anymore.

"No, no, but, fuck, I didn't mean it like that. Maybe a vacation wouldn't hurt us right now", Eliott offered, deep down he knew that it was hopeless.
Lucas got up. "We're not on holidays anymore, now are we? If I did something wrong, spit it out Demaury. Did I do something wrong, is that it?"
Eliott sighed. He didn't know anymore, there had been this dull feeling, this ache that something had to change. Or maybe it had all been in his head.

"I can't do this right now. I don't have time for this", Lucas said annoyed, before he fetched one of his oversized hoodies, a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and a pair of socks from their wardrobe, exiting the bedroom with quick steps. In the bathroom, he took a shower, trying to process what had happened.
Meanwhile, Eliott crawled under the duvet, trying his best not to cry.
Eventually, he let the tears flow, not even caring whether Lucas heard him or not.

Lucas took his time, he showered until the skin on his hands wrinkled because of how long he'd been standing under the stream of lukewarm water.
He wrapped a towel around his waist and a smaller one around his head.
"I think I've overreacted. What could I have done wrong? Did I say something wrong, did I say I love you enough, or did I forget something that was important to him?", Lucas asked himself as he put his clothes on.
While blow-drying his hair, he mulled everything that had been said over once again.

Eliott hadn't moved and he hadn't stopped crying.
The wooden floor creaked under Lucas' feet, despite his efforts of entering the bedroom quietly.

"Eli?", Lucas asked.
No response.
"Fine", Lucas said slowly, "I'll head over to Baz's place, or Manon's and Emma's, I don't know yet. I'll take my phone if there's an emergency you can text me. I think it's best if we don't breathe the same air for a moment."
Eliott wanted to ask if Lucas would come back home for the night or if he'd stay wherever he ended up going for the night as well, but he was too hurt to speak and his throat was too dry. The last thing he wanted was to sound desperate, and croaking out a desperate-sounding question wasn't exactly what he wanted to do right now.
"Vas-y, vas-y", he said instead, luckily his voice hadn't betrayed him.

And that's what Lucas did. With his keys and wallet in his pocket, he went ahead and left.
Eliott felt his stomach churn as he heard the front door slam.
This wasn't what he'd planned when thinking about telling Lucas about what had been on his mind. He didn't want this to happen.
He wanted Lucas back, but he also didn't want to be the first one to 'give in'.

When did it all become so complicated? When did they turn so cold?

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[Word count: 1090 words]

The weekend's over. :/ :/ :/ :/
The lyrics at the top are from the song "Medizin", "Medicine" by t-low.