Their shared suffering - ELU

Perception

"I'm going to war with my rifle
Blood, I'm bleeding
Being a heart soldier, babe is hard
If you, if you, if you think of me too then call me home

Battle is tough, enemies are near
I have to salute, I am your soldier
Holding onto my gun, ice-cold war
It may be that I go down, but then I'll die first, yes
Tears in my face, cigarette in my mouth, that's a lot of smoke, bullets are flying around
Yeah, maybe that makes you proud, maybe that kills me

My hands are shaking but I have to concentrate
Everything stops, everything freezes
It's cold sweat dripping down from my forehead."

Friday was the last day of the week.
It wasn't supposed to suck, the weekend was almost there.
And yet, Eliott felt awful.

There was something that he'd been wanting to tell Lucas for ages now.
He knew that to Lucas, it could have seemed small, but to him, it was a pretty big deal.
Lucas wasn't home yet and Eliott didn't have to go to the Video Club today, therefore he was at home and had enough time to think about how he'd approach Lucas and address the issue.

Speaking of which, Lucas was on his way home.
He'd taken his bike down to the basement of the apartment building and was now walking up the stairs to the second floor.
On his way home, he'd picked up Eliott's favorite croissants from the bakery next door.
The wooden frame of the heart Eliott had given Lucas for Valentine's Day pounded against the doorframe as he unlocked the door.
He quickly took off his shoes, putting the bag on the floor.

After returning from the bathroom, Lucas sat down at the kitchen table, the bag of croissants sitting next to his arms as he aimlessly flicked through his WhatsApp chats.
Eliott made his way over to Lucas, fiddling with his hands as he approached him.

"Salut, mon amour", Lucas chirped happily once he felt Eliott's hand on his shoulder, the other bending down to press a quick peck to his lips.
"Salut, Lu Lu, how was your- bah ouais! You bought croissants!", Eliott exclaimed once he'd spotted the familiar-looking turquoise bag on the table.
He quickly opened it and took out one croissant, taking a bite.
The chewing eased his anxiousness momentarily before it set right back in.

"Uhh, Lu Lu", Eliott said slowly once he was done with chewing, "There's something that I'd like to talk to you about."
Lucas turned around in his seat, looking up into Eliott's eyes.
"Do you remember the time Arthur just got his hearing aids and spent the night here at our place and the next morning I went out to get croissants?"

Lucas nodded, not quite getting where Eliott was going with this.
Was there something he'd done wrong? Had it been something seemingly small to him but a big deal to Eliott? He racked his brain over what he could have possibly done wrong during that particular time.
"When I came back because I'd forgotten my purse, I heard you and Arthur talk about my past relationship, and even though the moment was over as quickly as it had begun, what you said hurt me nonetheless.
And I know that it might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, it's a big deal."

Eliott inhaled quickly before exhaling. He'd been practicing to stand up for himself and how he could address things that bothered him without thinking that it probably didn't matter anyway with his therapist, and he was more than happy to finally use what he'd learned.
"Well, what did I say then? If I hurt you, I want to know how I did so first before I apologize. I want to understand, so that I can learn and grow from this instead of just apologizing", Lucas retorted, and Eliott could sense that he legitimately had no clue of what he was referring to.