Their shared suffering - ELU

Shattered

"She has my heart in a box and I don't feel anything.
All of my friends are saying that she's way too cold."

A few days had gone by and Lucas hadn't been reacting well to the antidepressant.
His doctor had told him that the first two weeks were going to be horrible and that he'd feel awful, but he hadn't said that it was going to be that awful.
He'd been extremely tired, his entire body hurt and his thoughts were even darker than before, which he hadn't even thought of being possible.
Luckily his next doctor's appointment was today.

At the doctor's office, Lucas told his doctor exactly what he'd been experiencing.
"What's best in a case like this is to higher the dosage, but only a teeny tiny bit.
After that's been done, we'll meet again for another check-up", the doctor said, trying to ease the extremely worried Lucas.
But to no avail.
"And what about that clinic my therapist advised you to sent me to? Did they respond?", he asked anxiously.
The doctor sighed before flipping through his clipboard.

"Si, they have responded. And after hearing that you're currently taking Fluoxetin, they wanted to give you a place there immediately. The other clinic that your therapist had contacted doesn't have any space left, they're completely booked up. But the first one has a few free places left", the doctor informed Lucas, who wanted to cry right there on the spot.

He tried his best not to show how upset he was.
"And when do I have to pack up my stuff and go there? And for how long?", he asked.
"That depends on how the medication and the therapy works. But I think it won't be longer than two weeks", the doctor responded and Lucas felt his heart sink.
"Maybe your therapist deems it as better for you to be at the clinic for a couple of hours and then go home and to go back the next day after a week or so", his doctor added while scribbling something down on the clipboard.

Lucas let out a resigned sigh.
He'd have to go there one way or another.
"Your therapist has told me that it'd be best for you to go there as soon as possible, therefore I think that you're going there pretty soon. But it's best if you call him and ask", his doctor added before getting up.

After Lucas had said goodbye, he rode his bike back home.
He immediately called his therapist, who said that Lucas should get his stuff ready today so that he could leave the next day at 8 am.

"And? Any news?", Eliott asked.
He wasn't feeling as dead as he did the past couple of days, but he hadn't gone to his uni classes nonetheless.
"Yes", Lucas said before sighing, "I have to go there tomorrow at 8 in the morning. I have to pack everything up today."
Eliott could tell that Lucas was on the brink of breaking down completely, so he quickly pulled him into a hug.

Lucas put his phone down on the dinner table, letting his tears run down his face.
"Shh, it's going to be okay, Lu Lu", Eliott told him, "I don't think that it's going to be as bad as you might think right now. It's going to help you, even if you doubt that.
I went to a clinic as well, and I didn't like it at first. But after giving it some time, I noticed that it actually helped me to understand myself and my thoughts better."

Lucas nodded, sighing softly.
Then he suddenly pulled back from the hug, pulling on his hair.
"Eliott, I don't want to go there! I genuinely don't think that this is going to help me! It'll only make things worse!", he exclaimed, "I don't want to leave you alone here! I don't want you to feel lonely."

Eliott sat down on one of the corners of the dinner table, wiping his face with his hands.
"I won't feel lonely, Lucas. I know that they'll help you get better and that's comforting to know", he said after a while of being silent, looking into Lucas' watery blue eyes.
"But I don't want to leave you, I can't leave you", Lucas said, his voice sounded broken and defeated.
He made a step forward to hug Eliott again.
"You'll come back and you'll feel much better, trust me", Eliott said.
"But what if I don't? What if I come back and I'm still depressed, still feeling like everything's too much and too tiring?", Lucas asked, he couldn't possibly believe that he'd ever feel better again.

Eliott didn't reply, he simply kissed the top of Lucas' head, whispering small 'I love you's' and 'don't worry, it'll go away's' only audible to Lucas.
Lucas cried and cried and Eliott held him, gently kissing his face and wiping his tears away from time to time.

After Lucas was done with crying, he went to pack up clothes and other things for approximately two weeks, he didn't know how long he'd be there.
And even if he didn't pack enough clothes, for example, he could always call Eliott and ask him to bring him some.

The two took a shower together and Lucas got to massage Eliott's shoulders and his back, which he enjoyed a lot.
He loved making others feel good, often neglecting himself in the process.
They took turns because Eliott wanted to do something good for Lucas, too.

Back in their bed, with Lucas' suitcase all packed up and ready, the two spend the rest of the evening with cuddling.
"Sorry for lashing out at you earlier, I'm scared of what's about to come", Lucas said, fidgeting with his fingers.
"Oh, it's fine, baby. I get that you're scared and that's totally fine", Eliott replied, pressing a kiss onto Lucas' forehead.

"You have to call me on my first night there, okay?", Lucas asked, looking at Eliott with big Bambi eyes.
"Yes, yes, of course, I promise. I couldn't fall asleep without hearing your voice", Eliott said, smiling at his boyfriend.

"Je t'aime", he said softly, looking Lucas deep in the eyes.
"Moi aussi", Lucas replied, cupping Eliott's chin with his hand before kissing him.

Maybe everything was going to be okay after all.
Maybe everything would turn out to be okay one day.

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[Word count: 1073 words]

Gotta go to school again tomorrow, I want to yeet myself off a bridge.
The lyrics at the top are from the song "Herz in Box", "Heart in Box", by Yung Vision.