Their shared suffering - ELU

Danone

Raindrops on my glasses, my vision is blurry
Feel like I'm on a pill, balling like curry
I'm so faded, can't drive
She wants me to be there for her
She asks: "Can you sleep with me?"
I say: "Pretty baby yes"

Late night vibe is cozy
Sharingan's eyes deep
We keep it low key (low)
She is a trophy
Look at me like drizzy (drake)
Call me, I'm busy (busy)
Dizzy for whiskey
Dizzy for whiskey"

Lucas' heart hurt as their friends left on Sunday morning.
After a delicious breakfast and minutes spent chatting, their friends went back home.
Eliott pulled Lucas into a tight hug after the door closed, leaving them behind.

"That was nice", Eliott said, "But now I'm so ready to fall back into bed with you."
He picked his boyfriend up and carried him to their bedroom.
They fell onto their bed together, giggling softly.
Lucas nuzzled his head into Eliott's chest, breathing in the scent of his shampoo.
His gaze dropped to the rest of Eliott's torso. Sometimes he couldn't believe that his model of a boyfriend was really dating him.
It seemed so surreal, so bizarre almost.
How could he, the imperfect Lucas Lallemant, could ever measure up to the perfect and godlike being that was Eliott Demaury?

"Did you notice how tired Sander looked when they arrived here?", Eliott asked.
"Oui, maybe the moment they've had before flying out to Paris lasted a bit longer", Lucas replied, scratching his cheek.
A comforting silence almost put them to sleep, if it wasn't for Eliott's phone to suddenly go off.
"Putain", he groaned, getting up.
Lucas used the moment he was alone to wrap his hands around his upper arms, grimacing because they were an inch away from touching.

Eliott walked back into the bedroom, a frown on his face.
"What's wrong?", Lucas asked confused, quickly dropping his left arm.
"Guess who it was", Eliott said grimly, his facial features hardening.
"Uhh, I don't know", Lucas stuttered, "Uhh, Lucille maybe?"
His boyfriend nodded, flopping down onto the mattress.
"I hate my life", he whined, "Why can't she just leave me alone? She hasn't bothered us in two years, why did she think that now was an appropriate time to pick up that habit again?"

Lucas gently massaged the scalp of Eliott's head.
"I don't know, maybe she simply wanted to check up on you", Lucas suggested, but Eliott shook his head.
"Non", he said, "She just wants to control me, as she always has."
To that Lucas didn't respond, he didn't know what to say anyway.

"I know that you'll probably say no anyway", Eliott began after being silent for a while, "But I was wondering if we could go on a Danone date, here in our living room. You and me, the two of us, how'd that sound?"
Lucas winced internally. Of course, he'd love to go on a date with Eliott, but that, unfortunately, involved eating.
But he wanted to get better, and he couldn't refuse dates with Eliott forever.
"That sounds great", he quickly responded and Eliott smiled.
"Excellent. I'll get everything ready then."

Lucas had taken a shower and originally, he'd wanted to wait for his boyfriend to come back home.
He hadn't even noticed that he'd drifted off to sleep.
Eliott set the two yogurts down on the small table in their living room, placing a spoon beside each one.
"Lucas, everything's ready", he said as he walked into the bedroom.
When he saw that Lucas was sound asleep, he took a photo of him, smiling softly.
It was hard to believe that Lucas couldn't see his own beauty. That he believed he had to work extra hard to be deserving of love and acceptance.
"Je t'aime", Eliott whispered as he watched Lucas sleep, "I'll make sure that you won't forget."

Later, it was almost dark outside, Lucas awoke to the soft tunes of "Who's" by Jacquees.
The melody was gentle, almost like silk on his skin.
He went to see where Eliott was and it turned out that he was in the living room, writing yet another essay on his laptop.
"Ah, sleepyhead's finally awake", he hummed and Lucas smiled.

He sat down on the carpet.
Eliott had put a candle on the table, he'd even put their yogurts on small coffee plates.
"This is beautiful", Lucas said as he looked around, "You're amazing, mon amour."
Eliott grinned. "Only the best of the best for my angel", he said, taking Lucas' hand, kissing his knuckles.
"I'm amazed that we got some time for us in this weekend, wouldn't have thought that we'd have the time", Lucas said, opening the yogurt and picking up the spoon.
"We'll always find a way to make time for moments like these", Eliott said as he opened his yogurt as well.

They ate their first scoops in silence before Lucas suggested to feed Eliott.
"These are really good", he said, "I like the ones with blueberry and strawberry, but the ones without any fruit are good as well."
After feeding Eliott two scoops, Eliott stopped him by grabbing his wrist and shoving it away.
"Lucas, I'm sorry, but I can't do this", he said frustrated. "I can't let you do this. If you don't want to eat, you should've just told me.
You should've just told me and I would've prepared something else for us."

Lucas wanted to slap himself. How could he let his fear control and ultimately ruin their moment?
"Eliott, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spoil our date", Lucas stuttered, "I like the idea, I honestly do. I thought it was cute, I didn't even think about anything wrong by doing that."
He got up and pulled his boyfriend into a hug.
Eliott started sobbing. "I can't do this anymore, Lucas. I can't let you do this, destroying yourself more and more. I'm afraid that I'll wake up one day and you're dead. I don't want to live without you, I can't and I don't want to imagine living without you. Lucas, please", Eliott said, sobbing uncontrollably.
Lucas didn't know what to do besides kissing Eliott over and over again and apologizing.

"Je t'aime", Lucas said, kissing Eliott's forehead, "That'll never change. I'm trying my best, Eliott. I even ate today, you know? I ate.
I'm honestly trying my best, okay?"
Eliott started sobbing harder, making Lucas flinch in confusion.
"I don't know what to do anymore, darling. I'm at my wit's end", Eliott cried, "I wish I could give you whatever is missing to make you feel like you have to do this, but unfortunately I can't. Is there even a reason for this? Is it because of your mother or your father?"
Lucas frowned. "Non", he replied, voice firm and stiff, "Of course it hurts to know that my father will never accept me. And I do feel powerless because I can't do anything to help my mother, but this has nothing to do with them. I guess I do this to feel like I'm achieving something in my life."

Eliott stopped sobbing.
He sat up and cupped Lucas' face in his hands.
"I wouldn't be breathing down your neck about this if I knew that you weren't suffering because of this. You might not notice now, but sooner or later, you'll faint again or your organs will shut down. And I don't want that to happen nor do I think that you want that. If you eat small amounts, you're at least eating something. But I haven't seen you eat anything properly in weeks, Lucas. You've gotten so thin, even your face feels different. All I want for you is to find something else that you can measure your success in, something that doesn't make you wither away", Eliott said before a series of loud sobs made his entire body shake.

While holding Eliott in his arms, Lucas thought about his words.
Sure, he didn't want to live a life without Eliott, nor did he want to die and leave Eliott behind.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt him to accept the help that his therapist had offered him a while ago.
Because he knew that he couldn't possibly get through his crisis on his own, and he didn't want Eliott to leave him because he didn't want to change his ways.

Maybe accepting help from others wasn't as bad as he'd thought.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

[Word count: 1410 words]

One more week and then school's finally over for the year, and Christmas is approaching soon.
The lyrics at the top are from the song "Kylie" by Amorok and OG Christ.