Their shared suffering - ELU

Conflicted

"What is real?
It never was your smile, yeah
Close your eyes,
I've never gotten closer to you
Pulling you into my world, hm, hm
Love how you hurt me, hm, hm
Longing for you, if you only knew how much
If you leave me, we'll never see each other again
The last candle goes out, hm, hm
Watch my heart break, hm, hm"

Lucas went to see his doctor right after school.
Monsieur Durant hadn't responded to the email he'd sent last night, but Lucas was determined to get the tube taken out.

It didn't take long to get it taken out.
Lucas was asked to take a deep breath and hold it, then Monsieur Durant pulled the tube out in a swift, steady motion.
His doctor asked him as to why he suddenly didn't want it anymore, but Lucas didn't answer his question.
He couldn't be happier to get back home to his boyfriend.

At home, he found Eliott crying in their bed.
"Baby, what's wrong?", Lucas asked, crawling under the duvet. He pulled Eliott closer, pressing a kiss to his cloth-covered shoulder blades.
"I can't take this anymore, I can't take this anymore", Eliott said between sobs, sniffles filling the silence that hung in the room.
Lucas pulled him even closer. The scariest moments weren't the ones where Eliott was rambling about random topics.
The moments where he said things like that were the scariest of all.
"What do you mean?", Lucas asked quietly, digging his fingers into Eliott's side a bit more.
"The random things I do, the things that scare you. I never wanted you to suffer and here we are anyway", Eliott responded before sobbing even more.
Lucas drew small circles on Eliott's shoulder, letting his hand wander down to Eliott's chest.

"You never hurt me, love", Lucas whispered, "I get scared, yes, but none of the things you did during your episodes ever hurt me."
Eliott sighed. "See, that's enough already", he whispered.
"Non", Lucas let out, "You never hurt me, period. Trust me, I can deal with a lot. What matters most is that you're here with me."
Eliott turned around, cheeks stained with tears.
"But you just admitted that you do get scared! And it's my fault!", he cried, burying his face in his elbow to hide his tears from Lucas.
"It's not your fault, Eliott", Lucas retorted, "You're not at fault here. I'd rather run after you at 3 in the morning because you thought it was right to run off to Rome instead of not having you in my life at all. I'd rather cancel a dozen flights to every place in the world than not falling asleep in our bed at night with you. I'd rather get upset because of you rambling about nonsense conspiracy theories than not having you here at my side at all. Eliott, I love you. And that's something that's going to last forever."

Eliott lifted his head, wiping away the few tears that had started to come out of his eyes.
"I love you more, idiot", he said before kissing Lucas.
"I know life's complicated right now, but it's worth it as long as I can share it with you", Lucas whispered, slowly pulling back.
"Mhm, couldn't have said it better myself", Eliott whispered back, connecting their lips once again.

The weeks flew by and the cold started to not only settle down in between Eliott's bones but also in his mind.
He knew that he should take his meds, he knew.
Yet he didn't do it, and Lucas nagging him about it wasn't enough to make him take them.

"Eliott, I can't fucking believe it!", Lucas sighed, resting his hands on the kitchen countertop, "I've only asked you to take your meds and yet you still don't do it!"
"If you'd stop nagging me about it maybe I would take 'em!", Eliott yelled back, carding a hand through his messy hair.
"Clearly that didn't work! Because you obviously didn't fucking take 'em!", Lucas roared, the veins in his head almost daring to burst.
Eliott took a deep breath, leaning against the kitchen wall.
"Look, I don't take them because they make me feel robotic and not like myself", he explained. "Would you want to take something that made you feel like someone or something else?"