Their shared suffering - ELU

Numb ache

"I don't want anything from you, no matter what you think of me
I have to say that, even if it hurts
All I need is myself, is myself."

Lucas had been trying his best to ignore Eliott's texts after he'd left the apartment.
He was mad, but it wasn't that bad anymore.

It had been around noon when he knocked on Manon's and Emma's door, waiting for them to open up.
A lot of shuffling could be heard and Manon's soft voice yelling "I'm coming! I'm coming!" as she came closer to the door.
Lucas braced himself for the moment the door would swing open, anxiously checking his reflection in his phone's camera.
His eyes were still a bit red from crying on the way here and the salt tracks on his cheeks were still visible, but Lucas tried his best to wipe them away.

After blinking a couple of times to make the redness in his eyes go away, the door creaked and he was facing Manon, who looked him up and down real quick.
"Salut Lucas! I'm glad you're stopping by!", she greeted him, pulling him into a hug as they kissed each other's cheeks.
"Salut", Lucas said as he stepped in, "I think I'm going to stay for a bit."

Manon walked to the living room, offering Lucas to sit on the turquoise chaise that stood next to the sofa.
Emma was sitting there, in a comfy hoodie and sweatpants on. She raised her head a slight bit as Manon bent down to press a kiss to her girlfriend's lips.
"Salut Lucas! What a lovely surprise!", she exclaimed while smiling warmly at Lucas. He shrugged off his jacket, putting it down, letting it hang over his knees.
"Salut. Nice seeing you, too", Lucas said before looking down at his phone, frowning at another one of Eliott's texts.

"Now, what brings you here? Did something happen?", Manon asked curiously, leaning into her girlfriend's embrace.
"I don't want to beat around the bush", Lucas began, rubbing his left temple, "Eliott and I got into a fight over something I don't quite understand yet."
"What really? For real? Merde, I'm sorry", Emma said before she got up from the sofa. "Sorry for forgetting, but do you want anything to drink? Or a snack? I'm a terrible host."
Lucas chuckled. "I'd like some wine actually, I know that you guys are into that. And don't beat yourself up over that, I'm a terrible host myself."

A few seconds later, Emma returned with three wine glasses, a bowl with small salt pretzels, and a bottle of Grenache.
"You're an excellent host, baby", Manon commented as she took one of the small salt pretzels and started slowly nibbling at it.
Emma blushed at that, cuddling up with Manon under the soft pink blanket again.

"Now", Manon said after a moment of silence, "Would you feel better if you'd talk about the fight, or would that make things worse?"
Lucas took a sip of the wine, the gentle and not extremely sweet taste of it taking him by surprise. "Basically he said that there was something wrong with our relationship, that there's something wrong with me, and that he feels like he's dragging me down, he feels like a burden and apparently I feel suffocating to him when he's depressed. In my opinion, we're both putting a strain on our relationship, since we're both 'mentally worn out' as Eliott formulated it. And I honestly racked my brain trying to think of a situation where I haven't been listening well enough, where I haven't said I love you enough, just something to make sense of it. Because him saying that just came out of blue air and I'd like to know why he's thinking that way. I don't get it, we're happy and all, a little bit exhausted and stressed maybe, but we're fine. I think so at least. We're fine", Lucas told them as he occasionally took a sip of his wine and ate a pretzel.
After he was done talking, there were barely any pretzels left in the bowl.

"That sounds rough", Manon said, "I wonder from what point or situation in your relationship he got that feeling."
"Me too", Lucas said, hastily gulping down the remainder of his wine, "I've tried to understand, but I don't get it. I do everything I can, the best I can and I'm afraid of losing him. He mentioned that a little vacation wouldn't hurt us, but we're not on holiday currently, which I've told him. Ever since I left the apartment, he's been sending me countless messages and I don't know what to do now. I don't want to be the one that 'gives in' first, but I also want us to properly make up."

Emma emptied her glass of wine as well. "Have you read any of the messages yet?", she asked slowly.
Lucas shook his head no.
"If I were you", she began, "Then I'd read them. Maybe Eliott's saying how sorry he is and then you wouldn't be the one to 'give in', he'd be the one to 'give in' first."
"Putain meuf, what would I do without you?", Lucas said relieved as he looked down at his phone, his left index finger hovering over the WhatsApp symbol.

Anxiety washed over him.
What if Eliott wasn't apologizing? What if he was only going on about the argument, prolonging it even more?
He'd have to read one of Eliott's texts to find out.

The first text was a broken heart emoji.
And the second one read 'je suis désolé pour ce matin. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for the disaster that was this morning. I didn't mean to make you upset, I don't really know where I got this feeling of dissatisfaction from. Lucas, you don't feel suffocating to me ever. You're the one that's actually making me feel better about myself and our relationship. You always make me feel better, making me lighter, so to speak. Je t'aime, Lucas. Please come back to me, I miss you dearly' with another broken heart emoji at the end.

A broken sob emerged from Lucas' lungs. The few tears that had been daring to trickle out of his eyes were now streaming down his cheeks, blurring his vision.
"What's wrong? What did he say?", Emma asked concerned, leaning forward to gently rub Lucas' shoulder, offering him a bit of comfort.
"He said that he's sorry and that he didn't mean it that way", Lucas sobbed.
"Come here", Manon said, patting the space next to her.

Lucas flopped down next to her, allowing himself to cry as Manon pulled him into a hug.
After a few minutes, Lucas unlocked his phone and opened WhatsApp again.

"I'll text him back", he said, wiping his tears away, "I think I'll go back home later."
Emma and Manon smiled.
"You're welcome to stay as long as you want to. We can also have dinner together later if you'd like that", Emma suggested, flashing Lucas a warm smile.
"Ouais, I'd love that actually. That sounds lovely", he said, smiling back.

He let himself be pulled into a group hug, relishing in the warmth of his two friends.
He was eternally grateful for having people like Manon and Emma in his life.
They always made sure that he was doing okay and that he had someone to talk to.

Lucas felt truly blessed to have them in his life.

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[Word count: 1250 words]

Yee yee, in celebration of my English oral exam being over today, I finally got around to write something again.
The lyrics at the top are from the song "Für mich da", "There for me" by Lyran Dasz.