Moments || H.S

eighty eight ; out like a light

(Trigger warning for this chapter. Once again, grief and pain isn't pretty. I could have made them cry and then be OK. But I wanted to be honest, that is not how it would actually go down. A reminder that while I personally believe in larry, in this book they are best friends since the band. . I've been planning this chapter for a long time and decided this was the best way and most interesting to read. I feel guilty for doing this to Harry but it's necessary for future character development when they do eventually heal..sorry again lol)

Saturday morning it's the worst he's ever been and I sit on the couch with Harry, waiting for the phone call to say he's gone. It's coming and there's no way around it. No escape or place to hide...we just have to stand out in the open with our arms out and wait for the bullets to hit. By about 11, I decide I can't stay here sitting in my sorrow so I take Delilah to the park, knowing full well he could be dead when I get home. 

But I need to get out. The more I sit with my thoughts, the more they start to overpower me. The more my agony takes over me and I don't want to lose control just yet. I'll hold on to whatever sanity I can find, and right now I need some fresh air. 

I'm tired, once again didn't get much sleep the night before. I suppose I better get used to this, since it's only going to get worse. I'm not going to lie myself and gain false hope, things are only going to get shittier. It's fucking terrifying to think the pain I feel could increase. 

The funny thing is, I don't feel upset or sad. I feel terrified and scared. Like death is a big bad monster coming to eat me and I have to hide under my bed like a child from it. I know I shouldn't be scared of it, I've encountered it before but there's something about it this time that makes me shit my pants. My father was hard but it was expected, he had being heart problems for a while and a heart attack was no surprise. But Louis...fuck he had no warning and just like that, his time is nearly up. 

I sit on a bench, hoodie over my head in the cold and watch her play on the swings, blissfully unaware of what's happening and what we're expecting. She goes down the slide a few times before we walk back home. I walk slowly and she nags me to hurry up. She's right, I need to get to Harry. 

We open the door and she sits down to take her shoes off, I look over at Harry and my heart sinks. He's on the couch, head his hands and a nearly finished drink on the table, his phone is laying next to the bottle face up and a corner smashed. 

He got the call.

He's dead. 

I wasn't there for it. 

Harry's been sitting alone..

I look back at Delilah taking her second shoe off. I don't want her hear because I know exactly what's going to happen. August isn't home so he can't remove her. There's only one option and that's just to send her to her room and hope that it isn't too bad. This is the last thing I want, but it's better than her seeing what's about to unfold. She'll hear it, but I can't help that. I can't help anything. 

"Delilah, listen to me" I say sternly and she looks up "go to your room and don't come out"

"Why?" She stands up off the floor and goes to walk into the lounge room, I put my hand on her shoulder and pull her back. 

"Go, now" I tell her and she huffs, storming up the stairs and into her room. 

I know trying to get Harry out of my house and across the road to his would be pointless. So I have to deal with this here, knowing Delilah is upstairs listening. 

(Play Out Like A Light by The Honeysticks and Ricky Montgomery)

I take a deep breath in and out and walk into the lounge room. My whole body trembles and I know I can't breakdown right now. He hasn't told me what's happened, but I know. His body language is speaking so loud my ears are ringing.