Moments || H.S

seventy six ; in our hearts

(I want a tattoo so bad omg- P) 

The weeks slowly drag on through the rest of September and into October. Now it's been a month since my miscarriage and I'm doing a lot better, well as good as I can be. Calling Louis a few days after and telling him was heart breaking, I didn't tell anyone else though. So at least our pain isn't spreading across too many people, just the ones I love the most..which hurts more. 

Louis was so sympathetic it hurt my heart. Promising to come out for Harry's birthday next year even though that feels like an eternity away. He texts me nearly everyday, checking in and asking how every one is doing. I send him photos of the family and he loves it. Constantly telling me how much he misses us. I miss him too. 

It's unreal feeling, knowing how different my life could have been. 

We have no explanation for it either, some things just happens. 

I suppose it wasn't in the plan for us, it wasn't meant to happen. Just another chapter in our book and another challenge we have to face. Not to brag, I've done OK. I'm slowly accepting it, that I was only meant to have 1 baby. 

Harry is in LA at the moment and won't be back until 3 days so I'm on face time with him. It's night for him so as I'm watching him brush his teeth without a shirt my eyes lock on the butterfly tattoo. I remember when he got it and I fell in love with it straight away. 

It was before butterflies meant something to us, before we went through what we've been through. It's like the world knew we would need that symbol. A symbol of growth and evolution. But also beauty and gentleness. Everything our friendship entails. 

I want butterflies on my body, I won't even tell him. He'll come back and I'll have my second ever tattoo. I like surprises, more specifically I like surprising Harry because his reactions are always gold. 

The camera shuffles and he picks his phone back and walks into his hotel bedroom, running his hands through his hair and back down to rub his eyes. He's like a toddler, the way he gets so cuddly and cute when he's tired.  

"Goodnight, Ave" He mumbles as he climbs into the bed and pulls the covers up to his chin"love you"

"Love you too, goodnight"I hang up the call and stand up. 

I miss him a lot when he goes on these sorts of trips. I can't really complain because it's all for his career and music. He always comes back with good stories, little presents and photos so I can't say I hate him going away. He follows the 2 week rule like a law, that he has to be home in 2 weeks to see me after he goes somewhere. 

I walk downstairs and August and Delilah are watching cartoons and eating cereal, typical of them. 

"Hey, how is he?" August asks me and shoves another spoonful in his mouth. 

"Good, he's just got a few more things to do then home on Tuesday" I kiss him good morning and make my way into the kitchen. 

"Where is Harry?" Delilah asks, not taking her eyes off the TV. 

"America" I call out and I hear August talk to her, telling her he's there for a red carpet event and will be all dressed up. He doesn't tell her it's an award show and that there will A-list celebrities with him, considering he is one too, I want to spare her the knowledge of what Harry had and continues to go though. 

I wonder if I should tell Gus about my plan to get another tattoo as I make myself a drink in the kitchen. 

I decide on not telling him. So instead I tell him I'm going out, get in the car and make my way to the same shop I got my first tattoo from. I peer through the window and it's nearly identical, causing the memories of my first tattoo and the conversation that inspired it to all flood back.