Moments || H.S

Thirty Four; History

(Hi, this chapter is sad and talks about some topics that might be upsetting like animal death and cancer (sorry for the spoiler), and I completely understand if you don't want to read about that. It was hard to write about for me, but I can promise the next chapters after this are alot nicer to read- Pippy :)  

I tap my foot impatiently on the cold hard veterinary hospital floor. I look around the waiting room, I'm alone and stressed, worse combination for me. I texted Harry not long ago and waiting for him to arrive before I get too panicked. I'm sure it's just an infection or something, They will treat her and we can go home. I try and calm my nerves but it's hard to ignore my dreadful gut feeling that something isn't right. 

I try and focus on the stupid game show playing on the TV to distract myself but it's not working at all. The front door suddenly burst opens and Harry stands in the door way, I immediately stand up and he sees me, an anxious look appears on his face when he notices my sad expression. 

"I came as quick as I could, probably got a speeding ticket, but what happened?" He asks, stepping towards me. 

"Diana" I say, feeling the knot in my throat get tighter as I try not to cry "She's sick and I don't know what's wrong" I manage to choke out, my voice breaking at the end of the sentence. His face turns from worried to sympathetic before he quickly hugs me and promises to stay with me. That's all I want right now 

We sit in the waiting room together for a while, not saying anything but his presence is enough to comfort me slightly. Two young women walk in and sit opposite us with their little puppy. One of them looks at H and then makes a face of realization when she recognizes him. Fuck sake, not right now. I think quietly, leaning my head onto my hand as the girl nudges the other one with her elbow and they both stare at him and then at me. 

I glare at them back and give them a look that says not to bother him. Harry hits foot gently against mine without even looking at my face. He knows me too well. The girl don't stop staring at him and I'm about to say something until a short, plump vet appears from behind a door and calls for me. I stand up and walk past the girls on my way towards her, H close behind me. 

"No, do something" I cry and I feel H put his arm around me but I shake him off. It's not good news. No, it's worse than "Not good" She can't be saved and I feel my head start to spin a little as I try to take in what is happening. Cancer, My cat has fucking cancer. 

"We are really sorry, Miss" The vet says sincerely, shaking his head slowly. 

"Help her, don't just let her die"  I yell, tears start to stream down my face and I see Harry from the corner of my eye lean against the wall and rub his face with his hands. This can't be happening right now. 

"unfortunately, the tumor is way too progressed, there is nothing that we can do for her" He keeps talking, but I've lost interest. I don't want to know anymore about how they could have surgically removed it if they found it sooner and I definitely don't want to know about how the only option is too euthanize her. 

"Ave" Harry says, sniffling a little, and reaches for my hand but I pull it away. I don't want to be touched right now by anyone. I just need space to think and comprehend that I'm not dreaming, this is really happening and I'm really about to lose one of my best friends. 

"If you would like to come this way you can say goodbye" The word goodbye burns my brain and I feel myself become weak. We walk down the long white hallway and each step it becomes harder to walk. The vet opens a door and stands back so we can enter. 

But I can't. I know Harry is standing behind me, I can hear his shaky breath as he tries not to cry but I psychically can't walk through the door way. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Diana and the years we spent together. More hot tears come from my eyes and roll down my cheeks as I force myself into the room. 

And there is my baby, on the table taking her last breathes on this earth. Connected to tubes and wires, two vets take a step back from her and allow me to approach her slowly. 

"Hey, Di" I whisper, shakily stroking her silky white fur for the final time and gently kissing her forehead and try and hold my tears in so I can comfort her. "It's OK...I love you so much, I'm so sorry girl" 

The vets remove her breathing tube and I take a step back to H and turn around, burying my face in his shoulder. I can't watch her die. He wraps his arms around me in return and I close my eyes, finally allowing myself to cry as I hear the woman apologize for my loss and I knew she was gone.   

I sit on the couch, Matilda sniffing around the house for Diana and then coming to Harry and I, looking slightly confused. 

"She's dead, Matilda" I say sorrowfully, staring at the chair she used to sleep that is covered in her white fur. we've lost her

"Ave" Harry says, looking at me concerned. 

"I don't want to hear anything inspirational from you right now" I snap "My fucking cat is dead. She's gone and no point sitting here telling the dog she isn't because she is and I could have done something if I got her checked earlier but I didn't think to get her checked because she seemed fine but she was sick and I didn't know" I finish my rant with a deep sigh. 

"You can't blame yourself, Ave" 

"But I do, H" I say, picking up where I left off "I do fucking blame myself even thought there was no way of telling something was wrong, I still feel like I should have known, you know?"

"Yeah, I do" He looks down at his feet. 

"I just don't understand what went wrong?" I shake my head and try to comprehend my emotions right now. 

I don't feel sad or upset. I'm just numb, in shock maybe. She was eating and purring and being cute yesterday, she was fine. I woke up this morning and she wasn't herself and by afternoon she was being sick so I took her to the vet. Now it's evening, and we are back to being a family of 4 again. I can't cry, even though my heart begs to grieve her, I've run out of tears to shed. 

"Avery, I'm so sorry" Harry looks at me, tears sitting in his emerald eyes. He grabs my hand and this time I don't reject his touch. "She should have lived longer"

He's right. She was only 6 and full of life. We did everything together. There was rare moments she wasn't with us, she was our best companion and friend. Harry would feed her when Me and August were away and send us cute pictures of what they were doing together. 

Shit, August doesn't even know yet, He's on a work trip to Germany. I'll probably tell him when he gets back in 3 days, I don't want to distract him from his really important meetings, he's trying to get a promotion so we can travel more but I don't even know if I want to go anywhere if it means not coming home to Diana. 

I apologize for raising my voice at him earlier, but he says it was fine. I close my eyes again, letting myself fall back on the couch. For the last 6 years having Diana as my best friend, sleeping buddy and housemate was all I've ever known. What the hell am i going to do now without her?

I think back to the day H surprised me with her, it feels like a lifetime ago. I look over to him, staring blankly at Matilda, clearly deep in thought. I lean my head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around my shoulders. We'll probably sleep like this, I don't have the energy to walk up the stairs. I had skipped the dinner H made a few hours ago and instead flicked through years of photos of us with her.

Photos of Diana asleep with the boys, annoying Harry when he was song writing, sitting next to August as he paints and just so many memories and Harry pitches the idea of one day making a scrapbook with all our memories, and I agree. She was a huge part of our lives and it feels like a piece of my heart is missing now. 

It's going to be so different now without her company. Of course, I have Matilda, and i love her to pieces, but there was something about Diana's constant presence that was so soothing and I don't think any other animal could replace her, ever. I'll miss her, that's for sure.