Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 10

BILLIE'S P.O.V

I checked my makeup in my phone camera, making sure none of my bruises or scratches were noticeable before getting out of my car and knocking on Finneas' front door. He opened it and pulled me into a hug. "Hey."

"Hey." My voice was really raspy and—frankly, it hurt to talk.

"Ew. Clear your throat." He laughed.

I tried to clear my throat but it just hurt.

"Are you wanting to record today?"

"Do you fucking hear this," I pointed to my throat and then drug my hands down my face. "I can't."

"It's okay. Do you want like... some water?"

I nodded and he got me a glass of water. "Thanks."

"Yeah. Of course. Are you sick are something?"

"I guess so," I lied. Maybe if Erika wouldn't have tried to fucking strangle me the night before. That dumb ass bitch.

"Yeah, I know," Claudia said.

"I gotta get a job, dude," Camilla said through Claudia's phone. Oh, hell. Fuck. What if she told her?

"Hey, Billie." Claudia looked up from her phone. "Talk to your girlfriend while I go get Peaches out of the backyard." She handed me her phone.

Camilla looked at the screen weirdly. "Uh... we broke up."

The room fell silent as Finneas and Claudia both looked at me. "That would've been nice to know," Claudia said, taking the phone back.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't you tell us?" Finneas glanced between Claudia and me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make anybody mad."

"And lying prevented it how?" Claudia raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't lie. I just... withheld the truth."

"And what was the point?" Finneas leaned against the counter.

"I don't—I don't know. You guys are just really close with—" My voice cracked and I reached my hand up to my throat. It really hurt. I needed some painkillers.

"That doesn't mean you should 'withhold the truth.'" Claudia shook her head, looking rather confused.

I put my hands over my ears, a bad habit that I'd gotten from being around Erika so much. She yelled a lot and it was extremely overwhelming. "I can't!" I crouched down, my heartbeat in my ears. I knew that nothing crazy was happening yet but it was gonna turn into something crazy and I just couldn't. "Stop! Stop getting mad!" My breathing became uneven as tears formed in my eyes. I didn't know how much more yelling, and name-calling, and people getting mad at me I could take.

Claudia crouched down beside me and set her hand on my shoulder as she continued to talk—probably still getting mad at me. I couldn't hear her over my own breathing and heartbeat. I could hear my heartbeat, and it was loud, and it was uncomfortable.