Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 32

BILLIE'S P.O.V

I sighed as I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. I didn't like this mirror being here and I thought it was finally time to take it down. I stood up and lifted the mirror up, pulling it off of the wall before dropping it on the ground and leaving it there. "Perfect," I whispered before leaving my room to get a glass of water.

"And she finally shows her face," Dad said enthusiastically.

I grumbled and grabbed a cup, filling it with water.

"What's your deal?" Mom asked.

I looked over at her and simply sighed, hoping she could read my mind. I'd somehow managed to put myself in a bad mood and I didn't want to talk to anybody about anything. And I didn't have to. I didn't want to do anything. Except hug Camilla. But she was at work.

I went back into my room and shut my door, setting the water down on my nightstand.

-

"We're leaving now, okay?" Mom peeked her head into my room.

"Okay," I replied quietly.

"Camilla's coming over soon, isn't she?"

"Yeah. She'll be here in about ten minutes."

She stared at me for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay. I love you."

"Love you too."

She smiled but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. I knew that she had been stressed about my situation. I knew she was worried because of everything with Erika. I knew she felt bad for not even noticing. She walked away and I heard the front door shut, letting me know that they were gone.

I should've probably changed or something since Camilla was coming over. But I really didn't want to. I sat down on the floor beside the mirror and set my hand down on i, amused by the reflection of it. I leaned my head forward, staring at myself. I didn't like looking in the mirror at my face. It made me angry.

I could still see her hands on me. I could still feel her hands on me. Erika's slimy hands. Her stupid deceiving smile. My stupid deceiving smile, assuring everybody that everything was fine. I set my hands on my cheeks and drug them down my face, my eyes glossing over as I gritted my teeth, a new wave of anger taking over.

I let my hand fall off of my face and slammed it down onto the mirror, breaking the glass. I hit it over and over again, small pieces of glass flying different all different directions. I knew it was a bit rash but I couldn't fucking care less. I was angry and I wanted to be angry so I was going to be angry. The pain was giving me an exhilarating rush of adrenaline, encouraging me to continue hitting it.

I reluctantly pulled my hand back and stared at the mirror, the red lights reflecting weirdly around all the cracks and missing pieces. I drug my fingers across the small lines, dusty glass collecting on my fingers. Before I could protest against my own emotions, I was crying again, my bloodied hands resting on the stupid mirror—about as shattered as my damn ego, leaving me feeling as broken as the pathetic mirror.

Yellow light leaked into my room, contrasting harshly with the red as the door opened. "Baby," Camilla whispered, falling onto her knees beside me and wrapping her arms around me. I liked it when she called me that. I was just too shy to tell her that.