Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 22

BILLIE'S P.O.V

I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel as I waited for Camilla. There was a loud bang and I stared at the house wide-eyed. Was she okay? Should I have got out of the car? This crazy ass bitch was gonna drag her down to her basement or something. I held my hands over my ears and set my forehead on the steering wheel. She said not to get out of the car.

But then there was another loud bang and I couldn't control myself anymore. I got out of the car and ran towards the house. Camilla was just supposed to close the door and come out. It shouldn't have taken that long. There shouldn't have been any shots. Camilla turned the corner and almost ran into me.

"Billie, get the hell in the car." She pushed me towards the car and we both got in. "Drive."

I started the car and pulled out of her neighborhood. She sighed, pulling her balaclava off and then fixing her hair.

"Sorry," I said quietly, feeling guilty for not just listening to her.

"It's okay." She pulled her phone out and called somebody. "No, I'm fine. Leave. Okay... bye." She hung up. "Go to Claudia's house."

"Okay."

-

"Let me know what happens with all of this but I really have to go. By the time I get home..." Camilla turned her phone on and checked the time. It's 8:32 p.m. She sighed. "I'm gonna have like an hour until I have to go to work."

"Sorry," I apologized, pursing my lips.

"Don't worry about it. You needed my help, and if you need it again, I'm gonna come. Okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Of course." She held her arms out for a hug and I gladly stepped into them.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into her shoulder.

"For what?"

"Everything. For everything with Erika. I never ever meant to hurt you."

"I know, Billie."

"I'm being serious," I insisted. "None of that was a lie. She really has been blackmailing me. I didn't block you. I didn't want to break up with you. I didn't—that wasn't me."

"Billie." She grabbed my hands, stepping back a little so that she could see me. "I know. I know it wasn't you. I believe you. I have to go now though, okay?"

I nodded, tears pricking at my eyes. I didn't want her to go.

She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed my cheek before walking into the airport. My face heated up as I got back in my car. I wished she could be here longer. The situation was cleared up. She knew what was going on. We just didn't really have time to talk about what that meant for us. She couldn't be that mad at me if she just kissed me on the cheek though.

I wanted her to come back. I wanted her to stay. I couldn't keep acting like everything was okay because it wasn't.

It really wasn't.

I needed somebody. I needed her. But it would be selfish of me to tell her that because then, knowing her, she'd feel obligated to come back. I'd feel so bad. She seemed to be doing really well. She seemed happy until I was a bitch to her. I didn't want to be the reason that stopped. I liked seeing her smile.

I just wished it was because of me.