Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 28

BILLIE'S P.O.V

I sat up and looked around confusedly, the bright light from the window hurting my eyes. I looked to the side and my breath caught as I noticed Camilla laying there, her alarm showing up on her screen but not making any noise. We ended up staying up way too late and she insisted that I didn't leave.

I gently shook her but she didn't wake up. I sighed. "Camilla. Camilla. Wake up." I shook her again and her eyes fluttered open.

"What—oh, shit!" She jumped up out of the bed and grabbed her phone. I watched as she ran into the bathroom and then came out a few minutes later with a white button-up tucked into some black skinny jeans. "I hate to ask this of you but I'm running really late. Can you please give me a ride?"

"Of course." I grabbed my keys and followed her outside.

-

"And just where have you been," Claudia asked as soon as I walked into the house.

"And just why the hell are you still at my house?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Because I want to be. Where were you?"

"I was with Camilla." I shrugged.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"What's going on there?"

"None of your business," I replied frustratedly. "Nothing. There's nothing going on."

"You sure did walk up the driveway with a big ass smile on your face."

"I was just thinking about what a peaceful day it's been so far. Guess I should have knocked on wood."

"Haha," she said in a monotone voice. "Wow. You're so funny."

"I know. Too bad I wasn't joking." I sighed, sitting down on the couch.

"Where's Camilla?"

"At work. Where I wish I was."

"To be with Camilla?" She smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "To be away from you."

"What's put you in such a bad mood?"

I stood up, getting ready to go into my room and lock her out. "Hmm. I wonder what it could have possibly been?"

"Me too," she replied, shaking her head as she crossed her arms.

I opened my bedroom door. "You sit here and think about it. Make sure you think long and hard. And just tell me when you figure it out." I quickly went into my room and locked the door.

"I hate you."

"That's not a very nice thing to say." I put my headphones on and clicked on one of my Spotify playlists, drowning out Claudia's voice. I didn't want to talk to her about Camilla and I didn't have to.

I decided I was finally gonna talk to Camilla about everything concerning our relationship. I was tired of waiting for her to bring it up. Somebody had to. There was no way in hell that she wasn't thinking about it all the time like I am. I knew she cared. And I knew she cared about me enough that I wasn't gonna scare her away. I just hoped I was still just as sure about it when I was talking to her about it later.

-

"So..." I looked up at the night sky through my windshield and set my Taki's down. "How did it feel being able to look up at the sky and see actual stars," I asked, keeping my voice low as to not disrupt the peaceful quiet settling between us. 

She laughed and shrugged. "It was... it was really cool actually. Callie always made fun of me though."

I chuckled quietly and bit my lip as the car grew silent again. "Cami—"

"Billie—oh. Go ahead."

"No, you're good," I said, hoping she was trying to say the same thing as me. "Go ahead."

"No. I interrupted you. What was it?"

"I was just gonna ask—um—where you got those pants."

She laughed, looking down at her pants. "Astro."

I forced a smile and nodded before looking out the window. "Figures."

"God," she whispered with a scoff. "Billie—I can't—I'm sorry."

I could feel my heartbeat speed up as my stomach erupted in nervous butterflies. "You can't?" I asked, not quite understanding.

"I was trying—I was really trying to forget about it but I just—" She cut herself off and furrowed her eyebrows, looking over at me. "Billie, I love you."