Suddenly, I wake. My limbs feel stiff. I can't feel them. Tobias is still holding me on his lap, his strong arms wrapped around me, a blanket around us on the floor in the corner like last night. I must have fallen asleep from the exhaustion of crying. In the corner of this room, in his arms, I feel protected from any bad in this world. My face feels sticky from the salt of my tears I cried last night. My eyes feel heavy. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. Tobias's shirt is slightly damn from all my tears. I whisper, "Tobias, I had the weirdest," I begin to say. He doesn't answer. My eyes fall on his sleeping form. The imagines come rushing back to me in flashes from what was shown on the television last night, the plane debris floating in the ocean. Tears flood my eyes. A shutter rips up my spine. Tobias wakes, wrapping his arms tighter around me, whispering, "It's all right," attempting to comfort me, rocking us back and forth. He tries to comfort me the best he can, but nothing will take the pain away I'm feeling, not even being cuddled up with him. Unable to stand the physical contact any longer, I run away from him. "Tris!" Tobias calls out, his hand reaching for me. I answer, "I'm fine," lying to him. He mutters, "I'm here if you need to talk to me. Don't shut me out, please. I know what losing a loved one is like. I know it's tough. I'm here for you." I wipe my tears, running into the bedroom, wanting to be alone.
I'm on autopilot, going through the motions just to pretend I'm fine when I'm not. I pretend nothing is affecting me. I lie to everyone. I go to clinical like a good student when I could care less about school or graduation. I eat like I'm supposed to. I tell everyone I'm doing fine when they inquire, but I know no one believes me. I lie to myself that I'm going to be fine. I tell myself this will eventually pass.
The days pass, and I slip into a funk. I don't take good care of myself. I lie to Tobias when he asks if I've been checking my blood sugar and taking my insulin as prescribed. I haven't been doing any of it since the day after I found out about the plane crash. I know it's a dangerous road I'm headed down, but I don't care. I miss my parents, especially my mom. I miss talking to her. I don't want to live anymore. Why should I get to live when my parents don't? I don't want to plan a wedding with Tobias. I don't want to get married anymore. I don't have the heart to tell him, I don't want to marry him any longer. I envisioned my father walking me down the aisle. I imagined him giving me away in his dress uniform. I always dreamed my parents would be around to meet their grandchildren. Now all my hopes and dreams are gone.
Tobias seems extra worried. He has been keeping a close eye on me closer than usual. I can't deal with his worry. I go over to Chris's house to escape at his suggestion for a girl's night, even though I'm not in the mood since he has to work tonight. I'm tired, and I want to be alone. All I want to do is sleep. I think he is beginning to recognize I'm depressed, but he doesn't know how to broach the subject with me.
My cellphone vibrates while I'm leaving the house. It's a message from Caleb. I began to make arrangements for mom and dad with a funeral home. We need to settle on a date and time for their memorial service. I text back: Whatever date and time work best for you. Weekends are normally free for me. Caleb and I agree on the next weekend for the memorial service for our parents. I'm supposed to write a eulogy, but I don't feel mentally up to it. I'm not ready to say goodbye. How does one say goodbye to their parents?
I meet Chris at her house. She drags me to the nail salon to cheer me up. For once, I decide to paint my nails, painting them fire engine red. Not caring, I'm going to get in trouble at clinical for the color on my nails. Chris goes with bright pink for her fingers and toes. While at the nail salon, I grin, "Let's do something crazy. Let's get tattoos. I want to cut my hair and maybe dye it as well." Chris cocks her head, asking, "Are you sure about that?" Certainty evident in my voice, I answer, "Yes, my parents are dead, Christina. I'm no longer the girl who I was before they died. I need to do something different to reflect that." Meekly Chris replies, "I don't think Four will like that." Angrily, I yell, "Screw Four! This is my body, and I will do with it what I want!" Holding up her hands, she coaxes, "Okay, Tris, I just don't want to see you making any decisions you will end up regretting. A tattoo is permanent."
The next thing I know, I'm sitting in a hair salon chair. I tell the lady to cut off my long hair that comes down to the top of my bottom. I have her cut it to the top of my shoulders and add in blonde highlights. Chris buys some colored pieces of hair attached to a barrette, that way, they can come out for clinical. The hairdresser adds them to my hair. When she turns the chair, a smile tugs at my lips, I love my new look. This is the beginning of a new Tris. I feel stronger already.
Leaving the hair salon, I drag Chris into a tattoo and piercing shop. I pick out a nose piercing going with a tiny stud. While the man is doing the piercing, my eyes are drawn to three birds in flight on the wall. I point, "I want one of those, right here," I motion to my collarbone. Two of the birds represent my parents, and the one closest to my heart represents Tobias. He is my bird who will always be there to support me when I fall. Walking out of the tattoo shop. I find Christina in the hair salon getting her hair done. Excitedly, she yells, "Oh my gosh! You look amazing! We should go and find you some new clothes to match your new look!" She pays the hairdresser, grabs my hand, and tugs me into a store, buying several different outfits to match my new appearance.
Chris and I shop and go to dinner. After dinner, we shop some more. After dinner, I'm not feeling good at all, but I choose to ignore it. My head is pounding, and I've been having to use the bathroom more frequently today. I'm walking around the mall with Christina when suddenly something happens, and I'm not sure what it is. I have never experienced a feeling like this before. My heart feels like it's going to come out of my chest. My heart feels like it's beating too quickly. Before I can say anything to Christina, my vision blackens. The next thing I feel is darkness taking over. I can no longer feel my legs, and my head is hitting the floor.
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Doctor & Nurse
FanfictionA/U, OOC Tris, is a nursing student, who is just trying to get through her senior year of college. She wants the simple things in life, like getting good grades and landing a job after graduation. What happens when she meets a medical resident, Four...
