Doctor & Nurse

Chapter 46

I awake in the morning with a new outlook on life. I decide to call Caleb. A faint, fuzzy memory replays in my mind. Did we finalize the details for our parent's memorial? Where and when are we having? While on the phone with Caleb, I spill the details about the hospitalization for my diabetes before I ask about the memorial service details I can't recall. Caleb informs, "I decided against a funeral home. I was going to call you today to ask how you felt about having their memorial service on Saturday afternoon. We can have it at the park near your old apartment." I agree, my mind drifting to the many memories the park holds for me. That park was where Caleb and I would play when we were children. It was the same place where Tobias and I would go to talk early in our relationship. It was the place I found Tobias sitting by the Chasm, and it was the one time I felt scared I would lose him because of his time in Iraq and his inner demons he fights daily. I was scared Tobias would leave me that day, but I will deny it if anyone ever asked.

My mind drifts to siting with Tobias on the bridge overlooking the Chasm. Unanswered questions fill my mind about the things he went through in Iraq. He never wants to talk about it, and I understand, I do. I wish he would speak with me about it so I could understand him and everything about him better. I want to be able to take care of him like he takes care of me. I want to ask him but now isn't the best time. Maybe I should talk to Patch about how the best way to broach the subject with him is.

Tobias walks through the door, breaking my inner thoughts. He looks exhausted from a long day at work. He sits on the couch, sighing, "We need to talk." Suddenly, I become terrified by those deadly words that are often used in relationships when they end. My heartbeat increases, hearing the words spill from his mouth. Slowly, I sit on the opposite end of the couch, asking, "What about?" His tired eyes meet mine. He replies, "What do you think?" I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know." His eyes slightly narrow, answering, "How about the reason you landed in the hospital!" Oh boy! I knew Tobias hadn't had the last word on the subject.

Leveling him with my own stare, I ask, "What about it?" He runs his fingers through his hair, tugging at the end. Frustration laces his voice, saying, "You could have died! Do you know how scared I was? You need to take better care of yourself! You could have ended up in a diabetic coma! You are lucky you didn't! I'm not sure how you didn't! Please don't, I mean ever, do something like that again, or else we might need to re-evaluate our relationship. If something is bothering you, talk to me. We can figure it out. Until you can prove to me, you can be an adult with your diabetes. I'll be looking at your meter daily until I feel comfortable giving you the freedom to take care of yourself again. I'm going to remind you at each meal to take the correct dosage of insulin. At least, I don't have to worry about you lying about taking insulin and your blood sugar when I'm at work since your pump and Dexcom are doing that for me. They're connected to my phone for me to monitor." Sighing, I don't put up an argument with him. I know I deserve everything he is saying to me. I know I broke Tobias's trust by not taking care of myself. I'll have to figure out a way to earn his trust back by taking care of myself. I reply, "Okay." I head into the kitchen to grab the instant pot to make a quick meal.

Before dinner, I hear, "Check your blood sugar," snapped at me from Tobias. Sweetly, I reply, "Yes, Tobias," poking my finger with a lancet drawing blood from it to double-check the reading I'm getting from the Dexcom.

When I return to clinical with a doctor's note for Marcus, he isn't happy. Then again, Marcus is never satisfied with anything. The week passes by quickly. Sadness and bouts of depression still fill my chest at times from losing my parents, but with each passing day, it's getting easier. My life is beginning to feel like my own again. I start to speak to Tobias about my feelings. He suggests I talk to Patch for guidance to help with the loss of my parents. I agree. Tobias calls Patch for me, making an appointment for next week.