PROS
- Your grammar is quite nice, there's no obvious mistakes which I do appreciate. I adore that you manage to stay in the correct (and proper) tense which is something most all writers struggle to do.
-Cover, I like the cover because of the ominous, mysterious, who-is-that-guy vibe. It is subtle but eye catching and probably something that would draw me to check out your book if I were your average reader. Good job on that!
-Characters, I do think that while some of your characters have similar personalities- others are diverse. You've done a wonderful job with Ellen and Charlie, as well as Shyam (my favourite) as readers we are able to clearly grasp their personalities.
CONS
-Show, don't tell. Keep this in mind whilst writing, you often keep your descriptions dry and short when you could be adding more to it. Your writing is quite simple and as far as I can tell, you're now past that and it's time for you to add descriptions, add details and make it imaginable.
- Dialogue, it's a weak point, I'm not going to lie to you. It's very mechanic- very back and forth and back and forth, almost like reading a script. However, this can be fixed easily. Try either listening to conversations going on around you and becoming more familiar with the way people actually speak or read your dialogue out loud to see if it's natural.
- As far as I can tell, you haven't yet matured into a more professional writing style and that's fine! You're learning. However, I do think you should add more literary devices such as hyperboles, similes, metaphors, oxymorons and etc. They spice up the writing style!
OVERALL
- I believe you have potential, I truly do. I think that maybe either finding a mentor (whether that be signing up for a mentor program or asking someone) or just reading a bit more well-done, maybe classic literature will do you well. No I take that back, definitely read some classic literature. Your grammar is done well which already puts you ahead of the game and I know with a bit more skill you'll definitely get where you want to be.
YOU ARE READING
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