Killing Chris

Welcome home

Today was the day I was getting out, I had butterflies in my stomach as I attended my last group. I took one last look at all the members of the group I'd been with since I got there. They weren't my friends per se but they were like... my teammates. Teammates I could live without but would miss when they were gone. The time at red sparrow psychiatric hospital would be a time I'd quickly shove behind me and leave in the dust. 

Now, don't get me wrong, the memories from that place weren't all bad but all the memories formed in that place were created under a storm cloud, trapped for eternity in a wicked dark storm. The people I was leaving behind were important to the story and they all individually taught me a lesson as I moved on. 

Cayetana, Moe, Skippy, Rhys, I will miss you wherever I'm going next. If you ever read my story I want you to know you were all vital components in its completion. In my darkest hour, when I walked my path alone, it appeared we were walking together on a similar path towards freedom. the human interaction you provided was a lifeline in those trying times but I promise you I'm much better now. I took one last look at their faces knowing I would never see them again and I left.

My first step outside was euphoric, the air was warm, the wind blew in my face, it smelled like fresh spring air. My mom and dad stood by the car waiting for me with smiles on their faces.

"Chris, how do you feel honey," My mom said holding her arms out for a hug

"Like a new man," I said smiling back hugging her

We got into the car and we drove away. I watched as the building shrank smaller and smaller as we left it until finally, it disappeared behind a hill. I just felt so peaceful that day despite being chased by a killer. Somehow I just knew he wasn't gonna make any moves today, today was a me day. My parents were buzzing the whole way home, constant conversation with me after being apart for that much time.

It was almost as if the time apart had allowed me to see them from a different perspective. I loved them of course but some part of me always knew that if they knew who I really was they would hate me. Not only did that scare me but it also made me despise them for hating me for doing nothing to them. It's almost like thinking I died was the best thing that ever happened to them.

We turned onto the main road of my small town and it all felt familiar again. All the memories I made there came back to me all at once. I found myself wishing I was a kid again, with no worries, no responsibilities. I wasn't even a real adult yet and the real world exhausted me. 

We pulled into our driveway and the car stopped. My parents got out but I didn't. I was in deep thought, I was thinking about Derek. Not the mental hospital Derek, my high school boyfriend Derek. God...What I'd give up just to say goodbye to him. It's easy to push the bad memories away but in order to do so some of the surrounding good memories get tucked away too. 

"You coming, Chris?" My mom asked worriedly

"If you don't mind I'd like to sit here for a second," I responded 

"Okay honey," she said walking toward the house with my father

About three minutes later the car door opened once more and my mother sat back in the passenger seat and turned to me.

"What's wrong honey... before you say nothing I just want you to know you can tell us anything," She said. 

Her tone came off as helpful but in reality, she just wanted me to let her in, she wasn't offering to help she was begging to help. 

"I just wish I could talk to Derek one more time," I said tearing up 

She closed her eyes and looked down into her lap, she wiped her face with her hand and replied: