Killing Chris

We Walk Alone

I hope after what I told you last chapter you are still here. I don't think you can judge me for what happened unless you've been in my shoes. I grew up a normal kid, who got too many presents at Christmas, who went to prom and I made myself a family out of the people around me. Lake...Margo...Derek were my family and I only got them because I chose a better life for myself. Just stick around and hear me out.

Alright back to the story. The sleeping gas had knocked me out cold, Clare and Derek got out based on the knowledge I had. The guards were on edge, convoys often went looking the few days after the escape and came back empty-handed

Rhys, Skippy, and I blamed the whole escape attempt thing on Clarke and Derek, after all, they weren't here to suffer the consequences. I don't think they would mind much now. About a week or so after the escape the hospital went back to normal... Well, not normal but its own special normal. 

On our first day back in group, Dr. Green announced that Clarke had killed Dieg on her way out of the hospital. There weren't many of us left to react to the news Rhys, Skippy, Cayetana, Moe, and I. Despite our losses group went on like it always did. Dr. Green was nice during group and seemed normal but he was a bomb waiting to go off as soon as something happened. 

See I thought that because I knew who the killer was it would be easy to get my revenge and justice for my friends. But the truth is hard to pin down, I was in the middle of a game that had no rules and no board. So obviously I hadn't known how to play, I was young and broken. The big question now is when I get out of this hospital because let me tell you...I do get out. I just never get justice.

I soon developed a plan to get out and Dr. Green was a key pawn. Our next one-on-one meeting fell on the day after group sessions returned to normal and this meeting would be vital to my escape. 

"So Chris...What is bothering you the most today?" Dr. Green asked

"I think I've made a breakthrough Doctor, I really have" I looked up excited 

"Okay. Why do you feel that way?" He replied

I explained to him the details of the pond story but I left out the fact that I took my brother's name.

"I understand now that the killer is a manifestation of my guilt that I feel because I let my twin die. The killer was never there in the butcher's room, he never forced me to kill Dane. I did those things myself because I felt like I deserved that pain because of what I did. Of course, during all that, I was not myself and I think I really am now" I explained 

Of course, none of it was true. I was trying to tell him what he wanted to hear...What my parents and the judge wanted to hear. Because there's only one thing that's more important than the truth and that is verisimilitude, or the appearance of truth, the foundation for a good story. When I got done spinning my story I sat in the chair across from Dr. Green and waited for a response.

"How could I ever let you out of here knowing you killed Lake and Dane, your two best friends?" he asked puzzled.

It appeared to be an attempt at pushing my buttons. he wanted me to snap so he could feel justified for keeping me here but I didn't. Even through the horrible things he said I held my ground refusing to let him win. 

"You work in the psychiatric wing of a hospital, if you didn't believe people could change why are you here. in your work people must get better and worse all the time...no? How can we judge a whole person based on the decisions they make in their moments of weakness." I finally replied. 

"You have only been in here a remarkably small amount of time to be showing this level of growth, I fear its illusionary in nature...But, I will talk to your parents and the judge and see what your options are." 

I stood up, happiness running off of me "Thank you so much!"

He nodded and I walked back to my room. The minute I left his room my happiness rotted and I was left with only the dark feelings. Hate, anger, fear, filled me up to the brim so full that even when I got a win like this it hadn't mattered much. 

I kept up my new changed persona for a couple of months before I got any information back. I still was required to go to the one on one meeting where Dr. Green tried his hardest to find a new reason to keep me here. Fortunately for me, he got nothing out of me and I got a release date with some pretty harsh rules. House arrest for a year and I was required to wear an ankle monitor.

He made it clear to me that because I had shown mental health that if I was ever connected to a crime again I would go to prison for life without the possibility of parole. He was telling me all the technical information but all I was doing was thinking that I had one chance for justice now. One...Last...Chance. By the grace of whatever higher being exists I made it out of the psychiatric hospital and back into the world. 

When I got out...

? Years Later

As I sat on the floor of an old abandoned bank, writing up this story by hand, I saw a sudden flash of red and blue. I folded the cover over and shoved the story into my backpack immediately attempting to flee. I was on the run, and you all know why now. I was on house arrest for a whole year... do you think I waited for it to end before my quest for vengeance?...No. It only took a couple of weeks for me to make the preparations to leave my house and search for the killer myself.

The thing about the killer is, he becomes powerless if he can't find me. So what does he always do? He always has to be close enough to mess up my life. So in an attempt to catch him off guard, I decided not to wait in my house like sitting a duck and go on the run. I never expected him to do what he did next. 

Earlier in the story, I told you my parents had been murdered... This was that part of the story. I broke the unestablished rules the killer made and I left the playing ground. As punishment, he killed my... our parents. All the while I couldn't help to feel like it was all my fault, my parent's death, my friend's deaths, all the death around me. 

I snuck down the main stairs of the bank to the main floor where I planned to search for an alternate exit. I saw the white beams of a flashlight shine through the boarded-up doors at the front of the bank. I ran through the metal detectors and pushed at the doors on the other side of the building but they didn't budge. I backed up and threw my body into them but nothing.

"Hey what are you doing in there" Someone yelled from the other side of the door no doubt a cop.

I looked around, surveyed the area but found no viable exit strategy. The doors all seemed boarded up, the broken window which I slipped through was facing the street which was crawling with officers.

You see through everything I've been through in my life I finally understood something I didn't before. Everyone is walking a path, each toward their own goals and dreams. We grow up being taught that we walk the paths together united toward common goals but that's just not true. In fact, it couldn't be further from the truth. Wherever we are walking, we walk alone.

In the bank my path was at a crossroads, one road ending short with my capture and the other continuing into the night if I manage to evade capture. it was clear I wasn't getting out of the situation by fleeing so what was left? I decided my escape tactic would involve a children's game, a game of hide and seek. Only if I get found, the consequence is a lifetime in solitary confinement.

Chris Logged Off